Purpose

As it may have been noticed, for the past few posts, I haven't been adding my usual "Currently" tabs. Mostly because as of late, I haven't had anything change in those categories. My music constantly changes depending on the time of day, my mood, and all around randomness on my iPod. As for my reading and writing habits...

Those have been non-existent.

My writing being absent in my life is strange for me. I got so used to having ideas flowing freely from my mind, to my fingers, to the keyboard, to the screen, that I don't know what to do with myself when I have lethargy. Which is precisely what I've had these past few weeks. First I just chalked it up to no time - which was kind of true. I was rather busy at the end of December and for the first two weeks of January.

Now though, I face a week with no potential for excuses. And as I sat visiting a friend this past weekend, I tried to work through why I hadn't been able to jump back into the writing game. After last year's epic writing adventure, you'd think I could just fly through whatever else I wanted to write, right?

On many fronts, yeah, I should be capable of rewriting the thread of End Game to neater drafts. However, I stalled. I wanted to explore the histories of the world I had created to ensure that the end made sense with the real beginning. So I dabbled in the histories. Then I got confused and super depressed with the mountain that sat in front of me and I lost my gusto.

Anyway, I was super confused as to what the cause of my major lethargy was. Part of it was anxiety and another part of it was simply me being me. I tend to stand still when I reach a crossroads. Especially when both paths will take lots of time and attention. Juggling them both ends with both failing, so I have to choose one. I always struggle with what the "right" path is.

It wasn't until later in the evening that I watched a short video one of my coworkers shared with me. In it, Alan Watts posits the question of, "What would you do if money wasn't a problem?" Literally, as the question was being asked, I thought, "I'm already doing it."

I had to rewatch the video.

Because for the rest of the four minutes, I was having a private conversation with myself. I wasn't actually doing what I wanted - writing. I had been doing what I wanted, but then I stopped and I allowed myself to stay stopped. I allowed myself to sit at my computer and dawdle on YouTube for hours on end or talk with friends & family rather than attempt - even attempt - to write. Even after my friends and family went to bed, I would just sit on my computer, staring at Facebook, as though that would somehow answer my lethargy for me.

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I knew what this week had to be about. It's always difficult for me to take the first steps. So here I am, taking the first steps.

This week, when the world tells me, "No," I'm responding, "Yes. Because God said so."

Take that world.

Currently Writing: Nothing. But tomorrow, I will be editing Genesis.
Currently Listening to: THIS.

The Seasons

Right now I'm not at a job I necessarily am enthused about. Working in retail for the rest of my life doesn't sound like my ideal position, but I'm always trying to remind myself that I'm where I need to be for the moment. Every day I make as valid an attempt I can at asking God to show me why I'm where I am. To help me endure the rough days and to praise Him for the good ones.

Yesterday, two good things happened.

The first of which was, three of my customers asked me about my necklace. I have a crown of thorns necklace that I've had since the year the Passion of the Christ came out. When I was younger (and even now), I'd had cross necklaces, but they always felt empty to me. The world had lost the understanding, the weight behind what the cross meant. How it could be beautiful and awful at the same time. I liked them enough, but I wanted something different. Something people would ask about.

I've taken to wearing the necklace every day at work. Just something small (like my promise ring), that can set me apart and maybe, just maybe, help witness to others. I'm sure I fail on a regular basis. But I still try.

Then yesterday, those three customers asked what it was. It opened the doorway for short conversations with each of them. One was definitely a believer, while one was obviously not. The last person that asked me was a woman who was faxing the death certificate of her best friend and sister-in-law.

I can only hope that somehow my brief talks with each of them helped them in some way.

The other good thing that happened was: I got a job nibble. One of my customers (not only is the mom to a once-fellow associate), has to clients that are editors for magazines. One of them is interested in me. So last night I emailed off my resume to her. I'm excited to see what happens with it. Because working retail, while it's great to have a job right now, is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. There's far too much I want to accomplish outside of these cramped walls and massive windows.

So wish me luck. And prayer. Prayer is always a good thing in times like these.

Currently Editing: Genesis
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Promise" by Thomas Bergersen

Inspiration

I think most writers strive for one of a few things: some level of acceptance of their stories (and by extension, themselves), self-actualization, and to inspire others.

At least, that's what I think. The truly greatest writers weren't writing because they wanted to be looked at as the greatest. They were writing stories they liked and they wanted to drive others to do something extraordinary. Even if that extraordinary thing might simply to be to save a seat for someone on a bus. Personally, I really want to inspire people.

I want my stories to make people sit back and go, "That was great. I want to write a story like that/draw a picture based on this/write a song about this/etc." To fuel someone else's creativity would be fantastic. Additionally, if I could help someone realize their talent, well, then that's phenomenal.

Once again, I count myself blessed. See, I've already attained that goal of mine. In a few ways, but among which is that this past weekend, one of my friends gave me a drawing she did based on my book. Then she went into a long talk about how she has all of these other drawings she wants to do of scenes from my books. It's crazy enough that a year ago, she wrote me a poem based on the first book, but to know that she's still becoming inspired to now draw things from the stories...that's just...

Indescribable. It's awesome and wonderful and gives me this great fuzzy feeling. I guess it's what reaching a goal feels like. To arrive at a finish line you didn't really know existed. It was this thing that floated around in space that I knew would be cool, but I never actually assumed it would reach some level of actuality.

I guess I'm just lucky.

In other news, I completed Camp Nano. For the next month, I plan on spending my free time editor hunting. Or...terrifyingly enough, possibly using CreateSpace to self-publish. Oh the possibilities.

Currently Writing: Zero Point
Currently Reading: Auralia's Colors by Jeffrey Overstreet
Currently Listening to: "Pharaoh's Throne" by LittleKuriboh

One Year Anniversary

On June 18, 2011, I began writing my second book.

I pretty well haven't stopped since then. Since the moment I realized I finished my second book in under two months, I've let my fingers fly across a keyboard at all hours of the night, day and morning. Whenever I have a spare moment, I'm jotting things down. My pen and journal are my best friend when I'm at work on a fifteen minute break.

Now, I told myself a year ago, that I would see how much I could do in a year. Giving myself till June 18, 2012 to see exactly what I could accomplish. It seemed so far away. Yet now here I am. A year (and a few moments), later. 366 days - it was a leap year - warranted me a lot of work done. I think it was profitable.

About two months ago, I told myself I wouldn't count up the number of words I had written in the year. It was this little treat I would give myself when I reached the anniversary of my crazy writing-ness. So at midnight on June 19th (today), I tallied it all up.

5 books. 1 novella. 1 unfinished prequel and a started rewrite of my second book.

The word count, of my first year of crazy writing-ness is...

591,740 words.

...

I'm content.