As it may have been noticed, for the past few posts, I haven't been adding my usual "Currently" tabs. Mostly because as of late, I haven't had anything change in those categories. My music constantly changes depending on the time of day, my mood, and all around randomness on my iPod. As for my reading and writing habits...
Those have been non-existent.
My writing being absent in my life is strange for me. I got so used to having ideas flowing freely from my mind, to my fingers, to the keyboard, to the screen, that I don't know what to do with myself when I have lethargy. Which is precisely what I've had these past few weeks. First I just chalked it up to no time - which was kind of true. I was rather busy at the end of December and for the first two weeks of January.
Now though, I face a week with no potential for excuses. And as I sat visiting a friend this past weekend, I tried to work through why I hadn't been able to jump back into the writing game. After last year's epic writing adventure, you'd think I could just fly through whatever else I wanted to write, right?
On many fronts, yeah, I should be capable of rewriting the thread of End Game to neater drafts. However, I stalled. I wanted to explore the histories of the world I had created to ensure that the end made sense with the real beginning. So I dabbled in the histories. Then I got confused and super depressed with the mountain that sat in front of me and I lost my gusto.
Anyway, I was super confused as to what the cause of my major lethargy was. Part of it was anxiety and another part of it was simply me being me. I tend to stand still when I reach a crossroads. Especially when both paths will take lots of time and attention. Juggling them both ends with both failing, so I have to choose one. I always struggle with what the "right" path is.
It wasn't until later in the evening that I watched a short video one of my coworkers shared with me. In it, Alan Watts posits the question of, "What would you do if money wasn't a problem?" Literally, as the question was being asked, I thought, "I'm already doing it."
I had to rewatch the video.
Because for the rest of the four minutes, I was having a private conversation with myself. I wasn't actually doing what I wanted - writing. I had been doing what I wanted, but then I stopped and I allowed myself to stay stopped. I allowed myself to sit at my computer and dawdle on YouTube for hours on end or talk with friends & family rather than attempt - even attempt - to write. Even after my friends and family went to bed, I would just sit on my computer, staring at Facebook, as though that would somehow answer my lethargy for me.
Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I knew what this week had to be about. It's always difficult for me to take the first steps. So here I am, taking the first steps.
This week, when the world tells me, "No," I'm responding, "Yes. Because God said so."
Take that world.
Currently Writing: Nothing. But tomorrow, I will be editing Genesis.
Currently Listening to: THIS.
Showing posts with label sometimes I make things harder than they are. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sometimes I make things harder than they are. Show all posts
Monday, January 21, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Road Rage
I have a confession. I can get road rage.
Really it should just be called "impatience". That's what it actually is. There are days where I just want to get to where I'm going, and I want to get there now. It doesn't even have to be somewhere I like being. Some days I think I'm just frustrated or angry and it comes out in my driving.
Though, to other drivers, I'm just weaving around, trying to get past the sputtering 18-wheelers.
This is all just an excuse. I've come to recognize this fact and because of that, I attempt (and that's the keyword), to keep my cool when I feel that frustration surging toward the surface. Funny thing is - and this really isn't that funny - I'm normally singing along to like, a Chris Tomlin song or something while my anger is most prevalent.
Last week as I was trying to get to work as early as possible to help out with a sudden hole in our schedule, I remember being stuck on a back road in Bedminster behind this SUV that wouldn't go the speed limit to save their lives. These are roads that I know cops barely frequent and I can easily do 10 miles over. This is called breaking the law. Yet I do it.
Another thing I do wrong. *Rolls eyes* Whenever I think I'm really not that bad of a sinner, I look at how I think during the course of a day and realize I've got loads to work on.
Anyway, as I sat behind this Grand Cherokee, I kept wanting to scream at the driver. They showed no signs of indecision and I could see they had no GPS. So why weren't they just driving the freaking speed limit? It didn't catch up to me until I was nearly home that I had to knock it off and love them already. In spite of my frustration and in spite of my anger, I needed to accept that God didn't want me to work as early as possible. He wanted me to work when I got to work. Any sooner and for all I know, I might have gotten into an accident.
However, I'm not all that afraid of dying. That's a blog for another time. Maybe tomorrow.
So my takeaway from this is simple. We all sin and sometimes that sin is "minuscule". The best we can do as the feeble Humans we are is to accept that we screw up and try to not do it so frequently. 'Cause I imagine that when we get so good at avoiding sin that we're practically healed, we aren't kept on Earth anymore. Kind of like when you're at a hospital. When the doctors and nurses have healed you, you go home.
I look forward to when I'm so healed I can go Home.
Happy adventuring everyone.
Really it should just be called "impatience". That's what it actually is. There are days where I just want to get to where I'm going, and I want to get there now. It doesn't even have to be somewhere I like being. Some days I think I'm just frustrated or angry and it comes out in my driving.
Though, to other drivers, I'm just weaving around, trying to get past the sputtering 18-wheelers.
This is all just an excuse. I've come to recognize this fact and because of that, I attempt (and that's the keyword), to keep my cool when I feel that frustration surging toward the surface. Funny thing is - and this really isn't that funny - I'm normally singing along to like, a Chris Tomlin song or something while my anger is most prevalent.
Last week as I was trying to get to work as early as possible to help out with a sudden hole in our schedule, I remember being stuck on a back road in Bedminster behind this SUV that wouldn't go the speed limit to save their lives. These are roads that I know cops barely frequent and I can easily do 10 miles over. This is called breaking the law. Yet I do it.
Another thing I do wrong. *Rolls eyes* Whenever I think I'm really not that bad of a sinner, I look at how I think during the course of a day and realize I've got loads to work on.
Anyway, as I sat behind this Grand Cherokee, I kept wanting to scream at the driver. They showed no signs of indecision and I could see they had no GPS. So why weren't they just driving the freaking speed limit? It didn't catch up to me until I was nearly home that I had to knock it off and love them already. In spite of my frustration and in spite of my anger, I needed to accept that God didn't want me to work as early as possible. He wanted me to work when I got to work. Any sooner and for all I know, I might have gotten into an accident.
However, I'm not all that afraid of dying. That's a blog for another time. Maybe tomorrow.
So my takeaway from this is simple. We all sin and sometimes that sin is "minuscule". The best we can do as the feeble Humans we are is to accept that we screw up and try to not do it so frequently. 'Cause I imagine that when we get so good at avoiding sin that we're practically healed, we aren't kept on Earth anymore. Kind of like when you're at a hospital. When the doctors and nurses have healed you, you go home.
I look forward to when I'm so healed I can go Home.
Happy adventuring everyone.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
The Title Eludes Me
It's gonna be one of those weeks.
One of my coworkers won't be in this week, due to his father relapsing hard core on his cancer. Things apparently aren't looking very good and so my coworker will be spending as much time with his family as possible, rather than at work. I feel really bad knowing that there is little I can do aside from pray.
I'm an awful person. Because at the same time, I know that this week is pretty much shot. Someone's gotta pick up his shifts. Those someones are myself and my fellow Copy Center Associate. If I wind up working all 7 days this week (which really isn't the end of the world), I'll be clocking in around 49 hours of work.
49 hours.
I haven't done a work week near 50 hours since the beginning of my second year at Staples. On one hand it's great - more money to put into my student loans. On the other hand, I kind of want to crawl into a hole and die. If I'm remembering correctly, weeks like this made me hate Staples. Simply because I couldn't get away.
Worse though, is the fact that I literally have no motivation. Here I am, sitting with at least two hours of prime writing time, and I can't dredge up the gusto to even skim through Unity. In spite of the fact that I was only just on vacation a week ago, I feel drained. How does this happen so quickly?
A large part of me wants to kick myself and say, "Stop it! Just get back on the bandwagon and move forward!" Another part of me wants to just say, "Screw it. I wrote 5 books and a novella in one year. Time to take a breather!"
The larger part of me doesn't want to take a breather. There's so much story to explore! There are so many avenues and characters and aspects of this world that have yet to fully be brought to light. I can't just sit idly by and do nothing. Especially when I obviously have the time.
I gotta crack my back, take a deep breath, grab my coffee mug and explore my imagination again. There's bound to be something buried in there that'll shock me back into the flame of story writing.
Happy adventuring everyone! I hope you're not as lethargic as I am.
Currently Writing: I should really, really, REALLY do Zero Point. Maybe I'll start that tonight.
Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "Once Upon a December" from the Anastasia soundtrack
One of my coworkers won't be in this week, due to his father relapsing hard core on his cancer. Things apparently aren't looking very good and so my coworker will be spending as much time with his family as possible, rather than at work. I feel really bad knowing that there is little I can do aside from pray.
I'm an awful person. Because at the same time, I know that this week is pretty much shot. Someone's gotta pick up his shifts. Those someones are myself and my fellow Copy Center Associate. If I wind up working all 7 days this week (which really isn't the end of the world), I'll be clocking in around 49 hours of work.
49 hours.
I haven't done a work week near 50 hours since the beginning of my second year at Staples. On one hand it's great - more money to put into my student loans. On the other hand, I kind of want to crawl into a hole and die. If I'm remembering correctly, weeks like this made me hate Staples. Simply because I couldn't get away.
Worse though, is the fact that I literally have no motivation. Here I am, sitting with at least two hours of prime writing time, and I can't dredge up the gusto to even skim through Unity. In spite of the fact that I was only just on vacation a week ago, I feel drained. How does this happen so quickly?
A large part of me wants to kick myself and say, "Stop it! Just get back on the bandwagon and move forward!" Another part of me wants to just say, "Screw it. I wrote 5 books and a novella in one year. Time to take a breather!"
The larger part of me doesn't want to take a breather. There's so much story to explore! There are so many avenues and characters and aspects of this world that have yet to fully be brought to light. I can't just sit idly by and do nothing. Especially when I obviously have the time.
I gotta crack my back, take a deep breath, grab my coffee mug and explore my imagination again. There's bound to be something buried in there that'll shock me back into the flame of story writing.
Happy adventuring everyone! I hope you're not as lethargic as I am.
Currently Writing: I should really, really, REALLY do Zero Point. Maybe I'll start that tonight.
Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "Once Upon a December" from the Anastasia soundtrack
Monday, December 3, 2012
Communion
It's just grape juice and a cracker, right?
Sure, if you're only looking at it as it appears. In truth, it's far more than that. Communion isn't supposed to be something we just do because it's always done. The idea behind communion is to remind our forgetful selves of the selfless act Christ was born to commit.
I wear this ring on my right ring finger. It says "Passion" on it, because I try to remind myself that I live for a greater purpose. That God's love abounds in my life and that I live to further His Kingdom. Yet, even with that reminder slapped to my hand, I forget exactly what it is that Jesus did. Not only did he accept the punishment of death, but he endured the torture that came well before death finally greeted him.
Worse still, he experienced separation from God. For however long that lasted, I don't know, but he endured it. He looked death square in the face - and with some fear too (I mean, look at his prayer in the Garden the night of his arrest) - and triumphed. The sad thing is, God even knew we'd need the reminder of communion thousands of years ago. Despite Jesus' amazing triumph, we need something to tell us to remember what he did. What he accomplished.
Because he did accomplish something that day. He created a way for us to experience his Father's love in a way never known before. Even greater than that, we're given a purpose. I can't imagine living life without something guiding it. That something is the Spirit. And yet I need a reminder of Christ's sacrifice?
How absurd. How Human.
In months (and years), past, I've always approached communion in this sort of "Okay, get right with God" thing. It was the day I wasn't allowed to get angry or frustrated. I just needed to get myself in line and once again, grovel before my Heavenly Father for forgiveness. And recognizing sinfulness is a good thing, I'm not saying it isn't. I'm just saying it's not necessarily what's at the root of communion.
I think I've been wrong about that. I mean, maybe I haven't. I don't know. This is probably one of those things I'll realize I still got wrong a few years down the road. But I think communion's supposed to be about remembering Christ's atoning sacrifice more than anything else. I mean, he even says in Luke 22:19, "Do this to remember me."
Why is that so hard to do all the time?
Currently Listening to: "Idumea" by the Millikin University Choir
Sure, if you're only looking at it as it appears. In truth, it's far more than that. Communion isn't supposed to be something we just do because it's always done. The idea behind communion is to remind our forgetful selves of the selfless act Christ was born to commit.
I wear this ring on my right ring finger. It says "Passion" on it, because I try to remind myself that I live for a greater purpose. That God's love abounds in my life and that I live to further His Kingdom. Yet, even with that reminder slapped to my hand, I forget exactly what it is that Jesus did. Not only did he accept the punishment of death, but he endured the torture that came well before death finally greeted him.
Worse still, he experienced separation from God. For however long that lasted, I don't know, but he endured it. He looked death square in the face - and with some fear too (I mean, look at his prayer in the Garden the night of his arrest) - and triumphed. The sad thing is, God even knew we'd need the reminder of communion thousands of years ago. Despite Jesus' amazing triumph, we need something to tell us to remember what he did. What he accomplished.
Because he did accomplish something that day. He created a way for us to experience his Father's love in a way never known before. Even greater than that, we're given a purpose. I can't imagine living life without something guiding it. That something is the Spirit. And yet I need a reminder of Christ's sacrifice?
How absurd. How Human.
In months (and years), past, I've always approached communion in this sort of "Okay, get right with God" thing. It was the day I wasn't allowed to get angry or frustrated. I just needed to get myself in line and once again, grovel before my Heavenly Father for forgiveness. And recognizing sinfulness is a good thing, I'm not saying it isn't. I'm just saying it's not necessarily what's at the root of communion.
I think I've been wrong about that. I mean, maybe I haven't. I don't know. This is probably one of those things I'll realize I still got wrong a few years down the road. But I think communion's supposed to be about remembering Christ's atoning sacrifice more than anything else. I mean, he even says in Luke 22:19, "Do this to remember me."
Why is that so hard to do all the time?
Currently Listening to: "Idumea" by the Millikin University Choir
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Amongst the Chaos
I'm telling ya, this month has been hard.
Initially, I thought this month was going to be cake. I'd write every day and I'd totally cream that 50,000 word goal of Camp Nano and I'd have a blast with my friends at a wedding earlier this month and I'd enjoy work and I'd do a million other things and still have time to do what I wanted.
That was wrong.
Not only am I way behind on my Arthurian lore piece (which has been a blast), but I've thrown another major weight onto my shoulders. In less than a month (WHAT?!), I am embarking on self-promoting my book hard core. I'll be attending an art show that my town does every fall and broadcasting my book as much as possible. That means coming up with marketing and advertising and figuring out if I can afford to buy everything that people need when they start a business and...and...I don't even know what else.
Do I buy T-shirts? What about a banner? And how about business cards? Who should I get to endorse my book? Will anyone endorse my book? What will grab someone's attention? Will what grabs my attention grab someone else's?
And all the while, I'm scraping by to meet a goal that should have only taken me a couple of days to complete. My brain feels like mush half the time and the other half I'm running rampant with ideas and thoughts and wishes and oh gosh I really should work out and I should rework my cover art and maybe I should...
This is what I've signed up for.
This is it kids. No one said it would be easy. The bills will come. The money will be tight. The nights will be long and the hours will be strenuous. You will feel stretched as you write in the odd hours. You'll feel exhausted after coming home from 9 hours of physical labor. But it's the greatest of writers, I think, that persevere through this difficulty and become something more.
Don't shy away from the challenge. Believe in yourself, even if you can't find the faith to. Somehow I do. And I think that's simply because I get by with a little help from my friends.
Currently Reading: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
Currently Writing: Arthur
Currently Editing: Genesis
Currently Listening to: "Promise" by Steven Bergesen
Initially, I thought this month was going to be cake. I'd write every day and I'd totally cream that 50,000 word goal of Camp Nano and I'd have a blast with my friends at a wedding earlier this month and I'd enjoy work and I'd do a million other things and still have time to do what I wanted.
That was wrong.
Not only am I way behind on my Arthurian lore piece (which has been a blast), but I've thrown another major weight onto my shoulders. In less than a month (WHAT?!), I am embarking on self-promoting my book hard core. I'll be attending an art show that my town does every fall and broadcasting my book as much as possible. That means coming up with marketing and advertising and figuring out if I can afford to buy everything that people need when they start a business and...and...I don't even know what else.
Do I buy T-shirts? What about a banner? And how about business cards? Who should I get to endorse my book? Will anyone endorse my book? What will grab someone's attention? Will what grabs my attention grab someone else's?
And all the while, I'm scraping by to meet a goal that should have only taken me a couple of days to complete. My brain feels like mush half the time and the other half I'm running rampant with ideas and thoughts and wishes and oh gosh I really should work out and I should rework my cover art and maybe I should...
This is what I've signed up for.
This is it kids. No one said it would be easy. The bills will come. The money will be tight. The nights will be long and the hours will be strenuous. You will feel stretched as you write in the odd hours. You'll feel exhausted after coming home from 9 hours of physical labor. But it's the greatest of writers, I think, that persevere through this difficulty and become something more.
Don't shy away from the challenge. Believe in yourself, even if you can't find the faith to. Somehow I do. And I think that's simply because I get by with a little help from my friends.
Currently Reading: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
Currently Writing: Arthur
Currently Editing: Genesis
Currently Listening to: "Promise" by Steven Bergesen
Monday, August 13, 2012
Unsuspecting Answers
Next month, my hometown is throwing what they call the "Gallery of the Arts". It's basically this huge gathering of artists to showcase what they do and sell some of what they make. It mostly attracts painters and photographers, but crafters show up too and you get a pretty wide array of talent. I participated years ago as a Junior artist and actually won an award (shocking!).
All of this to say: they've never had a writer. So my parents and I were talking about it a few nights ago and decided to look into it. Upon asking the director of the program about it, they gladly welcomed the written word into the fold, so long as I put down on the application a craft or artistic genre to technically fall into. But they'll let me sell my book there.
The gathering tends to attract a good deal of foot traffic. It's a little crazy, but I'm going to give it a shot. This naturally will require work though.
I need an editor. As I've said before, I've been looking for over a year now and applying since two summers ago to agents. For some reason, I always thought I had to go through this long, arduous process to get there. Silly me, I have friends.
One of my very good friends is incredibly good at editing. While she didn't major in writing, her mother ingrained in her brain how to properly construct, well, everything. She would be ideal to ask to edit. She thinks the story is strong and will be able to (hopefully), fly through the material and get an edited copy off to me in a few weeks, leaving me time to edit and upload a proper copy before I buy a bunch for the gallery.
So this is my advice: don't shy away from the seemingly easy answers. Even if this adventure proves fruitless, I'll have a far better polished manuscript at hand to give someone. It always helps to have a second set of eyes look over your book critically and analyze where it's strengths and weaknesses are.
Because as the writer, you can read and reread your story a million times over and you might still miss the same typo or the same grammatical error. It's why in all of my writing classes we always read each other's pieces. It gave outside advice and opinions. It also helped to catch problems that the writer might have missed.
Search for your editor. Whether it's a professional or a friend, it'll help your manuscript in the end.
Happy writing!
Currently Writing: Arthur
Currently Reading: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
Currently Listening to: "Sticks and Stones" by Sigur Ros
All of this to say: they've never had a writer. So my parents and I were talking about it a few nights ago and decided to look into it. Upon asking the director of the program about it, they gladly welcomed the written word into the fold, so long as I put down on the application a craft or artistic genre to technically fall into. But they'll let me sell my book there.
The gathering tends to attract a good deal of foot traffic. It's a little crazy, but I'm going to give it a shot. This naturally will require work though.
I need an editor. As I've said before, I've been looking for over a year now and applying since two summers ago to agents. For some reason, I always thought I had to go through this long, arduous process to get there. Silly me, I have friends.
One of my very good friends is incredibly good at editing. While she didn't major in writing, her mother ingrained in her brain how to properly construct, well, everything. She would be ideal to ask to edit. She thinks the story is strong and will be able to (hopefully), fly through the material and get an edited copy off to me in a few weeks, leaving me time to edit and upload a proper copy before I buy a bunch for the gallery.
So this is my advice: don't shy away from the seemingly easy answers. Even if this adventure proves fruitless, I'll have a far better polished manuscript at hand to give someone. It always helps to have a second set of eyes look over your book critically and analyze where it's strengths and weaknesses are.
Because as the writer, you can read and reread your story a million times over and you might still miss the same typo or the same grammatical error. It's why in all of my writing classes we always read each other's pieces. It gave outside advice and opinions. It also helped to catch problems that the writer might have missed.
Search for your editor. Whether it's a professional or a friend, it'll help your manuscript in the end.
Happy writing!
Currently Writing: Arthur
Currently Reading: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
Currently Listening to: "Sticks and Stones" by Sigur Ros
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