The Cancer of Moods

Last week, I worked over 51 hours. I loved every minute of it and enjoyed the time I got to spend with my coworkers. When Saturday rolled around, I was actually a little bummed that I had Sunday off, simply because I had not only gotten accustomed to being at the store every day, but I liked that I had been a consistent thing at work. It was great.

The crazy thing is, one person can ruin that feeling in an instant.

Another story for you from my life in retail (which is probably true of nearly any work environment). Yesterday, we had a cashier call out. It makes things difficult, but my "boss" in Copy Center offered to stay until eight to help with coverage. Because of that, I was asked to be the cashier until eight. Fine and peachy with me.

Until, for some reason, my lead from CC decided to try to override what my manager on duty had already decided. Literally, in an instant, there was more tension in the building than I liked. It only got worse when the head of my department left for the evening and I went over to "finish the jobs that were for me". Not only did I have to keep a customer until 9:15 last night because he wouldn't work on the job in question, but I was scrambling like a chicken with my head cut off trying to ensure that our opening associate knew what was going on.

I sped away from the building shouting to "One More" by Superchick. When I got home, I vented to my mom about the laziness of the individual in question. Then I let it go. Or at least, I tried to. Because then I started to think back to last week, and how much I had enjoyed myself.

It surprises me how easily one person's laziness, incompetency, and downright rudeness can completely destroy whatever might have otherwise been a good working environment. Then I realized, this is the cancer of our moods - negativity.

I could be the best me I could muster, but sometimes I'm thrown into situations where I just want to punch someone square in the face. The frailty of my human feelings is blatantly apparent in instances like this. It shows me that I really need to learn how to get my mind out of the present and start thinking more about what needs to be done. And, most importantly, to not let it rattle me to the point of wanting to drive my car off a cliff.

That's a hard bill to swallow though. Learning to accept that hard times are coming and that you have to be better than the problems thrown at you might very well lead to me shattering whatever self-esteem I have. I have a fine line to tread in the next few months to keep my attitude, and my heart, in check. If I'm to be a light at all, I need to learn how to be a light at all times and in all environments.

Easier said than done. But I'll do it none the less.

The Seasons

Right now I'm not at a job I necessarily am enthused about. Working in retail for the rest of my life doesn't sound like my ideal position, but I'm always trying to remind myself that I'm where I need to be for the moment. Every day I make as valid an attempt I can at asking God to show me why I'm where I am. To help me endure the rough days and to praise Him for the good ones.

Yesterday, two good things happened.

The first of which was, three of my customers asked me about my necklace. I have a crown of thorns necklace that I've had since the year the Passion of the Christ came out. When I was younger (and even now), I'd had cross necklaces, but they always felt empty to me. The world had lost the understanding, the weight behind what the cross meant. How it could be beautiful and awful at the same time. I liked them enough, but I wanted something different. Something people would ask about.

I've taken to wearing the necklace every day at work. Just something small (like my promise ring), that can set me apart and maybe, just maybe, help witness to others. I'm sure I fail on a regular basis. But I still try.

Then yesterday, those three customers asked what it was. It opened the doorway for short conversations with each of them. One was definitely a believer, while one was obviously not. The last person that asked me was a woman who was faxing the death certificate of her best friend and sister-in-law.

I can only hope that somehow my brief talks with each of them helped them in some way.

The other good thing that happened was: I got a job nibble. One of my customers (not only is the mom to a once-fellow associate), has to clients that are editors for magazines. One of them is interested in me. So last night I emailed off my resume to her. I'm excited to see what happens with it. Because working retail, while it's great to have a job right now, is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. There's far too much I want to accomplish outside of these cramped walls and massive windows.

So wish me luck. And prayer. Prayer is always a good thing in times like these.

Currently Editing: Genesis
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Promise" by Thomas Bergersen

5 Days and Counting

Camp Nano is underway. So far, I'm off to a flying start.

As of this moment, I'm a little over 20,000 words into the prequel I'm writing. Meanwhile, I'm beginning the arduous search for an Editor. Or agent. Whichever happens to hit me first. I'm nervous, but excited (so I sang a song called, "Nervous, but excited"). It's going to be an interesting journey to travel along. Finding the right place for my books to land will be difficult, but I think I'm prepared for whatever will happen.

Today I got to go swing a broadsword around at a stage combat class my brother is part of. It was really cool to hear metal clash and feel the vibration up my arms as I sparred with my brother. We were super careful not to hit one another (naturally), but still. The thrill of it was something I don't think I'll forget any time soon. If I can afford the classes, I'll be going for the next few weeks to learn all I can about broadsword fighting. Simply 'cause it's cool.

In other news, I've got a job. I walked back into my old Staples store and said I was done school. A few minutes later, my old General Manager had me enlisted for an opening in our Copy Center. Hopefully I'll start in a week or so. You know what that means, right? Me, tying furiously at my computer to get as much work done as possible on my prequel before I start working. Dang. I need new black pants.

Also, in two weeks, I reach my anniversary of the insanity of writing. On June 18th, I started writing my second book. I haven't stopped writing since. I've vowed to myself not to count up how many words I've written until the 19th. Who thinks I can finish my prequel before that time? I'm hopeful.

Happy writing everyone!

Oh, and I got a HubPages. I'll add it to the links on the right.

Currently Editing: Unity
Currently Writing: Zero Point
Currently Reading: Auralia's Colors by Jeffrey Overstreet
Currently Listening to: "Crushcrushcrush" by Paramore

A Book in a Month?

I'm embarking on Camp Nano this June and (hopefully), this August.

The rules are the same. Write at least a 50,000 word book in a month. It sounds easy for me, but even as I think about it, I know it won't be. At the very least, it shouldn't. I did just graduate college - that means I need to find a job. Preferably soon.

One of the things I keep being told to press on though is the fact that I didn't write 5 books and a novella this year by accident. God did implement this somehow and it couldn't have just been a freak mistake for things to progress as far as they  So even with my bills looming off in the distance, staring down at me, I'm trying to just remain calm.

Which I think is good advice for any recent college grad. Don't freak out. Just take the days one at a time. Continue to do your best in all that you do. So if it means you're going back to work in retail for the time being, okay. Be happy with the fact that you have a job, that you've been awarded the opportunity to make money. If you're heading off to some big company with a large salary, good for you. And if you're like me, scrounging about for a job and pleading with whomever may come across our way, just relax. It'll all be okay. Just keep working. Keep pushing forward.

Whatever you do and whatever you are, be the greatest of that. No one can do you better than you.

And I encourage all the writers out there to join Camp Nano. Even those that haven't thought to actually write. The first step is always the hardest. Trust me. After that, well, sometimes you can just let gravity do it's work. Take a step of faith and give it a shot. Writing a book isn't easy, but it can be one of the greatest things ever.

In other news, my sister-in-law is due to deliver her baby sometime in the next week. Wow, does time fly.

Happy writing!

Currently Reading: Green by Ted Dekker
Currently [Re]Writing: Unity
Currently Listening to: "Lost in Las Vegas" by Two Steps From Hell