Road Rage

I have a confession. I can get road rage.

Really it should just be called "impatience". That's what it actually is. There are days where I just want to get to where I'm going, and I want to get there now. It doesn't even have to be somewhere I like being. Some days I think I'm just frustrated or angry and it comes out in my driving.

Though, to other drivers, I'm just weaving around, trying to get past the sputtering 18-wheelers.

This is all just an excuse. I've come to recognize this fact and because of that, I attempt (and that's the keyword), to keep my cool when I feel that frustration surging toward the surface. Funny thing is - and this really isn't that funny - I'm normally singing along to like, a Chris Tomlin song or something while my anger is most prevalent.

Last week as I was trying to get to work as early as possible to help out with a sudden hole in our schedule, I remember being stuck on a back road in Bedminster behind this SUV that wouldn't go the speed limit to save their lives. These are roads that I know cops barely frequent and I can easily do 10 miles over. This is called breaking the law. Yet I do it.

Another thing I do wrong. *Rolls eyes* Whenever I think I'm really not that bad of a sinner, I look at how I think during the course of a day and realize I've got loads to work on.

Anyway, as I sat behind this Grand Cherokee, I kept wanting to scream at the driver. They showed no signs of indecision and I could see they had no GPS. So why weren't they just driving the freaking speed limit? It didn't catch up to me until I was nearly home that I had to knock it off and love them already. In spite of my frustration and in spite of my anger, I needed to accept that God didn't want me to work as early as possible. He wanted me to work when I got to work. Any sooner and for all I know, I might have gotten into an accident.

However, I'm not all that afraid of dying. That's a blog for another time. Maybe tomorrow.

So my takeaway from this is simple. We all sin and sometimes that sin is "minuscule". The best we can do as the feeble Humans we are is to accept that we screw up and try to not do it so frequently. 'Cause I imagine that when we get so good at avoiding sin that we're practically healed, we aren't kept on Earth anymore. Kind of like when you're at a hospital. When the doctors and nurses have healed you, you go home.

I look forward to when I'm so healed I can go Home.

Happy adventuring everyone.

Day 1

Well, today I not only managed to navigate New York City, but I also made it to the conference with a half hour to spare, didn't have to eat lunch alone (making friends is good!), made it onto the correct train to get me back to my Uncle and Aunt's house safely, and did not explode from nerves as I pitched my book to my fellow workshoppers.

That's where the good news ends.

Today was all about laying out ground work for our pitches. Basically, we sat in a room, read our pitches one at a time and our group leader (a seasoned veteran of the publishing world), tried to help us craft it in the best possible way to make the pitch - and therefore the book - its most sellable. A lot of what he said was good to learn and even better to have validated.

However, he basically wants me to completely write a different story than what I've got. He thinks the concept of having another world in the mix is too confusing, he wants my character to not be a teenager, and he wants it somewhere exotic. Not America.

None of those changes sit right with me.

Is that stubbornness? I don't think so. I guess since I think God gave me this story, it doesn't make any sense to completely obliterate the story and tell something completely different. I mean, if I get rid of Tilion, everything I love about the story and the characters pretty much is thrown out the window. I can't have Grovix that way and I can't do any of the things I already have written out. That's not the end of the world, but we're talking about an entirely different story. A story that, to me, isn't End Game.

I might just be one of those authors that refuses to make changes. But, at the same time, nothing about those changes sit right with me. Also, I'm not in this business to make money. I get that my book is a hard sell. A lot happens in it and I require an intelligent audience. I require an audience of inquiring minds and curious intellect.

Basically, I don't know what to do. And I imagine that despite my exhaustion, I'm not going to be getting much sleep tonight.

Don't hold your breath people. This ride is gonna be a long one.

Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman