Road Rage

I have a confession. I can get road rage.

Really it should just be called "impatience". That's what it actually is. There are days where I just want to get to where I'm going, and I want to get there now. It doesn't even have to be somewhere I like being. Some days I think I'm just frustrated or angry and it comes out in my driving.

Though, to other drivers, I'm just weaving around, trying to get past the sputtering 18-wheelers.

This is all just an excuse. I've come to recognize this fact and because of that, I attempt (and that's the keyword), to keep my cool when I feel that frustration surging toward the surface. Funny thing is - and this really isn't that funny - I'm normally singing along to like, a Chris Tomlin song or something while my anger is most prevalent.

Last week as I was trying to get to work as early as possible to help out with a sudden hole in our schedule, I remember being stuck on a back road in Bedminster behind this SUV that wouldn't go the speed limit to save their lives. These are roads that I know cops barely frequent and I can easily do 10 miles over. This is called breaking the law. Yet I do it.

Another thing I do wrong. *Rolls eyes* Whenever I think I'm really not that bad of a sinner, I look at how I think during the course of a day and realize I've got loads to work on.

Anyway, as I sat behind this Grand Cherokee, I kept wanting to scream at the driver. They showed no signs of indecision and I could see they had no GPS. So why weren't they just driving the freaking speed limit? It didn't catch up to me until I was nearly home that I had to knock it off and love them already. In spite of my frustration and in spite of my anger, I needed to accept that God didn't want me to work as early as possible. He wanted me to work when I got to work. Any sooner and for all I know, I might have gotten into an accident.

However, I'm not all that afraid of dying. That's a blog for another time. Maybe tomorrow.

So my takeaway from this is simple. We all sin and sometimes that sin is "minuscule". The best we can do as the feeble Humans we are is to accept that we screw up and try to not do it so frequently. 'Cause I imagine that when we get so good at avoiding sin that we're practically healed, we aren't kept on Earth anymore. Kind of like when you're at a hospital. When the doctors and nurses have healed you, you go home.

I look forward to when I'm so healed I can go Home.

Happy adventuring everyone.

The Most Magical Place on Earth

I got to spend my Christmas week in Florida at Disney World.

It was a wonderful time and I really did enjoy it. As I went back to work yesterday, I dilly-dallied around because well, let's face it, no one was that worried about getting their copies done on January 1st. Anyway, today I was compiling pictures from the trip and uploading them to Facebook. 'Cause that's what I do. In the hours that it took me to muddle through the nearly 900 pictures from the trip and upload them, I found myself already yearning to be back there.

Crazy, right?

In a way, yeah. There's only been two days separating me and my mini vacation, so I really shouldn't be missing it. Yet I am. Which I think is a common thing. Everyone pulls themselves out of relaxation and fun and throws themselves back into the work grind and almost immediately, we say, "I wish my vacation had been longer."

I heard once, I don't know where, that it takes two weeks to fully de-stress from any given situation. If that's the case, then I need two weeks off pronto. I haven't had two weeks off since I left for Memphis to help my brother two summers ago. Even when I was sitting around my last month of school, I wasn't relaxing - I was hammering out book 5 and stressing over every detail of that. Almost immediately after graduating I had a job and started working.

Not a bad thing, mind you - having a job I mean. But nonetheless, no wonder I'm exhausted. However, I can't afford two weeks off. With my loans now in repayment (oh joy), I've gotta keep working so I can hammer those away to a reasonable amount. That way I can look to move out and get my own place.

Maybe whenever I find a job other than retail, I'll take a two week hiatus before starting the new job. Whatever that may be and wherever that may be. Or for all I know, I'll just charge full steam ahead and do lots of stuff without taking a break.

I think the latter has a greater chance of actually happening. 'Cause even with my short work week this week, I'm packing a million and ten things into it. Tomorrow I drive to Jamestown to visit friends from school.

The only thing I can hope is that the little efforts I make in keeping contact with my friends will be worth it and one day, who knows when, we'll all be together again on a vacation or something.

Happy adventuring everyone!

Currently Writing: Random story ideas. Be back to production within a week or so (see? I don't even know how to take a break from writing.)
Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "Illuminations" on the Epcot: Tapestry of Dreams CD

Holy Validation Batman!

About a week ago, I was telling my mom how discouraged I was regarding my book. I guess I need to check Goodreads more often.

Not only did some random person rate it (with 4 outta 5 stars!), but over 200 people entered into the giveaway of 5 copies and over 100 people want to read the book. I'm excited. It's a stupid thing to get excited over, I suppose, but it shifted me straight into the tippy top of my happiness radar.

See, for me, just knowing that somewhere out there, someone read it and enjoyed it makes me happy. And knowing that they read it of their own volition and then chose to rate it toward the higher end of the scale is even better. I can't even describe it properly. I'm shivering with excitement.

It definitely didn't hurt matters that as I was looking at this, "Promise" by Thomas Bergersen came on my iPod. I kid you not, this song is one of my absolute favorites. I could listen to it on repeat for days and never get sick of it. Whenever it comes on, I get so inspired to write and do great things, even if I'm not capable of them.

Well, that's all. I really just wanted to sort of spew my excitement, and it's like, 2am. Normal people are sleeping now.

Not me!

Happy adventuring everyone :)

Currently [re]Writing: Unity
Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: "Proud Nation" by Immediate Music

The End of the World!

Or so many in the northeast seem to think.

I live in eastern Pennsylvania (in case you don't know), so that means that Hurricane Sandy is moving right on through where I call home. Every state office is closed, the government has declared a state of emergency, and even the mall closed. I, however, don't know if I'm working tomorrow yet or not. Even though I seriously doubt I'm gonna have someone coming in "needing" to get some copies made in the middle of a hurricane.

Although, if it comes down to me braving the elements and one of my coworkers, I'm gonna volunteer. I was saying to my parents as we watched the weather report, "I know this might sound reckless and stupid, but I'd much rather that I risk my life just to watch the store than one of my coworkers."

Yeah, there will probably be power outages. Yeah, there's gonna be flooding and I'm sure a good bit of devastation  My brother's already on call for catastrophe claims work and my dad's getting himself ready for a boatload of claims to hit his computer sometime next week when this all blows over. Yes, I'm sure there will be casualties and there will be problems that arise in many, many people's lives.

However, I don't view this as the end of the world. Even if I'm without power and the water shuts off and we have to move by candlelight and my cell phone dies, it won't be the world caving in on itself. Yes, it'll be uncomfortable and might even drive me slightly bonkers. But I will still be converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Honestly, I just hope people use their brains. Don't go driving around to run errands. Stay inside, stay safe. Use your head and keep yourself informed. Prepare, but don't freak out. When an evacuation is ordered, leave. Keep yourself alive. Things can be replaced - people can't.

And that's why tonight I said to my parents, "I know where I'm going when I die. And I know where many of my coworkers are going if they were to die tomorrow. So I'd much rather be the one that bites the bullet if I know it'll buy them a few more years to see the light and hear the News."

Hey, if the power goes out, it gives everyone an excuse to finally work on that story they've always wanted to write. Or better yet, plan it out so they can join me in NaNoWriMo :)

Stay safe everyone. And happy adventuring.

Currently [re]Writing: Unity
Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: "Promise" by Thomas Bergersen

One of Those Silly Little Things

Writers of Fantasy and Science Fiction are bound to know what I'm talking about.

When we crazy writers decide to start writing a story about an ancient culture, new species, alien race, off-shoot Human culture, etc. we tend to come up with wacky names. Not only for our characters, but for the countries, roads, houses, mountains and the like. So, us being the semi-OCD people we are, we make our word processing software learn all of these names. Simply because the little red squiggly lines irritate us.

At least, I do this. For all I know, I'm completely alone on this front. Something tells me I'm not though.

Here's an example:

All names copyright to me :)

See what I mean? It's that one little thing that puts a hiccup into a computer transfer that most people don't need to worry about. Even very Human names, like Skylar and Alaster (which, by the way, are incorrect for Google Chrome too), come up as misspellings. Though they're used and, I think, fairly recognizable. At least Alaster is. Skylar is unique.

This is just one thing Science Fiction and Fantasy writers get to do. We get the honor of massive red squiggly lines adorning our manuscripts when we open them on other computers. We get to see special characters (like mine for book three), turned into some other random font the computer thought best fit that missing font. We get to teach our computer about our world just like we do our audience.

It's kind of fun doing insane things.

Currently Editing: Unity
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Sleep" by Polyphony and Stephen Layton
^Random tidbit - this is my most listened to song on my iPod. Not even kidding. It's my absolute favorite.

Apologies

I've been taking my time in reading through Genesis via physical copy and have found many a mistake. So for those that have bought the book, I wish to extend my deepest of apologies. Not only have I probably put my worst foot forward, but I've wasted your time and well-earned money. You deserve better, as do my characters.

If you truly feel slighted, let me know. I will gladly purchase a new one for you and mail it to you. No one should be forced to keep something they don't like/can't use. And to be honest, I hope that my books keep you coming back to revisit the story. I know that they constantly beckon to me, but I've also written a story I knew I wanted to read.

News unrelated to my sorry excuse for a first publication:

Arthurian lore is eating at my brain. Reading The Once and Future King doesn't help matters. However, it still calls to my attention at nearly all hours. I can't wait till August so I can let my fingers fly across my keyboard in story-telling again. Exploring this story gets me excited. Many questions will be answered for me and even more will be posed, of this I'm sure.

With every road I travel down regarding my world, I find stories, characters and histories I find captivating. It's why I think I'm always searching down those roads. There's always more story to tell, if I really wanted there to be. Every world, I think, has the potential to grow into something harking of reality. It draws us in and can, if the author allows it, to enthrall and devour a reader's attention.

And that is my sincerest hope for you when you read my books. If I have not done this, well, then I have obviously forgotten something. Or perhaps something was lost. Regardless, it won't be recognized by a larger audience until I get a story that doesn't just grab me. Because boy, does it ever snatch my attention away. I was five minutes late from my lunch today at work because I was so caught up in a story I wrote.

As absurd as this is, I was giggling at my own writing - not because it was bad. But because I actually found it funny.

Lord willing, all will be as I strive for.

Currently Editing: Genesis
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Live Like That" by Sidewalk Prophets

Looking Back

About a year ago, my brother Josh asked me where the idea for my story came from. Like many of my conversations with Josh, I remember perfectly where we were. We were driving down to Ocean City for Easter and my mom was passed out, as she always is during a car ride. It was late, maybe around midnight, and his car still wouldn't warm up from my sitting there because of the leather seats.

But as he asked me that question, I fell silent and looked out the window, watching the street lamps flash pass like lightning bugs. It took me a few moments to gather my thoughts, and eventually I said, "I think I wanted wings."

He laughed.

For the remaining hour of the trip I tried to explain myself. I remember, vaguely, that sometime during middle school I began to concoct this idea of being a superhero. What was that like? Then I thought about what I would want as a super power. Everyone wants to do something extraordinary, I think. Even though fancy mind powers would be awesome, I always wanted to fly. See, I was that kid that whenever a gust of wind would hit me, I would begin to pretend like I was soaring away with it.

Let me surge through the clouds, race an eagle, feel the spray of the ocean as I glide across it. These were (and still are), things I yearn for in a way that can't ever be fulfilled. At least not while on Earth. Our human bodies have far too many frailties as it is. Having wings would only complicate things.

But regardless, I wanted them. I knew I wanted them. End of story. Period.

Then as I talked more about where my ideas stemmed from, I realized I drew a lot of inspiration off of my old Saturday morning cartoons. Pokemon and Digimon chiefly among them. Kids going off having adventures? Yes please! Digimon especially. Because Pokemon was pretty much self-explanatory. Kid wants to train monsters to fight and be awesome. 'K. Got it.

Digimon however held a deeper story. The kids had to save the world. Kids had to save the world. That idea fascinated me. I wanted to do that. I wanted to be a vital role in the occurance of something legendary. I wanted to be part of an epic story people told and retold a million times over. But I was a kid from the suburbs of Philly. The worst that ever happened was occasionally people tried to jump off the bridge across my street and only broke their legs 'cause it wasn't tall enough.

I delved into stories of grandeur. Of sweeping landscapes and rich storytelling. I wanted to be there, and my imagination would let me. So I built on story after story. If I had known about fanfiction back then, I probably would have written up a storm just to get my own spin on something out of my head. But I didn't, so I didn't start writing till middle school.

I remember that my first attempt at writing a book was awful. Absolutely pitiful. I was fourteen, but it was just...no. There's nothing about it except that it was atrocious. At the time, I wanted to tell a story. I had these images in my head that didn't make much sense. I had a few random characters that, back then, were cardboard. And if I just took everything I ever thought was cool from stories or TV shows or movies into it, then it would be awesome.

And it was. For about fifteen seconds. Then I hated it.

But it was a start. I think, whether I realized it or not, I opened my mind to something that unleashed floodgates in my imagination. The fact that I could, if I wanted, write a story that I would love to read. I knew I would love it. And the older I got, the more I doodled. I thought if I could just become good at drawing, maybe then I could draw what I saw in my head.

The problem was, I wasn't getting good at drawing. I was becoming mediocre at it at best. I couldn't draw people, and they were vital to the scenes I saw in my brain. So that meant the whole drawing excuse was out the door. I couldn't write and I couldn't draw. That left movies. Maybe I could get someone to listen to me and I could then get my idea turned into a movie.

Well that was just foolishness.

So out the window that horrible idea went. I threw everything I had even remotely come up with regarding the story I had into a folder on my computer and I pretended like it wasn't there. I actually used to pretend like I wasn't trying to write a story. I acted as though if I didn't write in my journal about it or didn't talk to anyone about it, then it wasn't happening. And since I couldn't, at the time, get any of my family members to read it, I assumed it was crap and got it in my head that only smart, old people wrote books.

I met neither of those qualifications, so I pretended to not want to write books, meanwhile I had this idea growing in my head. The older I got, the more the story progressed. I knew, even when I was young, that it was going to be a series. I just used to think it was a lot dumber back then. Really, it was absurdity wrapped into stupidity flambeed over ignorance.

I doodled more, hoping that something might come to me. Around eleventh grade I began to mold the story more, trying to make sense of it. I knew I wanted to be important. I wanted to be special. And seeing as I was an ordinary, boring teacher's pet of a student, I knew that was never going to happen. So I made up a story in which I could be whatever I wanted.

At the time I just named the character something silly and pretended I was that person. The stories never got off page two, but I was trying. At least I was coming up with something slightly better. Slightly better than what I had come up with when I was in middle school. Somehow though, my middle school attempt reaching forty pages was looking a whole lot better, simply because it had gotten farther. But each time I tried to reread it, I was bored the whole time.

I knew that if I didn't like the story and couldn't get into it, then there wasn't a purpose.

Then God's grace landed me in a Creative Writing class that changed everything. I wrote a twenty page kick start to my first book. It was awful and whenever I go back and reread it, I realize it was my life, but how I thought it should have been. It wasn't until much later that I realized that no matter how much I wanted to live this life, it wasn't mine. I was writing someone else's adventure, and she wasn't me. She's my alter ego instead, everything I wish I could be and am glad I'm not at the same time.

Now, through all that crap, we land on the morning when I start writing the fifth book.

Funny how God changes our plans, huh?

Currently Editing: Alaster

Currently Writing: Revelation

Currently Reading: Eldest by Christopher Paolini

Currently Listening to: "Homecoming" by Thomas Bergersen