Lackluster

Another November, another NaNoWriMo. I find myself entering this year's goal with a lackluster manner. Almost a "meh" mentality. Like I can't get myself to be excited about writing. Which seems so strange. After such a phenomenal year my senior year of college where I spat out book after book, I don't know how to get myself back onto the bandwagon.

I look back at my writing life and think about how it all happened. If I'm honest with myself, I see a pattern forming. I write a book (or several), and then take a five year hiatus where I don't write much of anything. That's what happened before. I wrote my first draft of my first book and then didn't do squat for close to three or four years. Then I word-vomited five books and a novella in a year. And now here I am, struggling to find the words to even write a short blog post.

I don't know if this is due to a lackluster view on life that I have at the moment, or if this is due to simply a lackluster view on my writing. You're always your worst critic - or so I believe - and because of that, I think I, like many others, am prone to thinking too little of myself and my talents. Part of that is simply because I don't want to be big-headed. But there's something to be said for having at least a little pride in what you do and how good you are at it.

So, essentially, I'm going to tackle another NaNoWriMo and this year my hope is that when it's over, I find myself enlivened to write something new. Or at the very least, to really reengage my pursuit of publishing. I lost that fire pretty quickly when none of the agents responded or turned me down. Which seems silly, 'cause I know that there's always a million no's.

If I'm brutally honest with myself though, I admit that those million no's have 100% gotten to me in the worst way.

Exhaustion is the New Normal

Holy CRAP it's been a while. Proof that I've been spending a lot of time at work.

So, as I said almost three months ago, I'm at a new store. It's been a pretty rough ride these past few months. Lots of changes in the building (some directly because of me pointing out problems), and a good deal of insanity has resulted in me becoming nearly burnt out.

Why you ask? Because last Tuesday, my district manager walked into the building and declared our store a radical recovery. That led to me working a twenty and a half hour day. That's right. I walked in at 6:45 in the morning on Tuesday. I didn't leave until 3:15 Wednesday morning.

Yeah.

I'll be honest though, I'm learning a lot. Sure, I'm exhausted and can't wait until I have a vacation. But at least I'm trying to remain positive. I know I'm running low on my personal battery known as energy, however I think that all in all, this whole experience will merit some good growth on my end. So as I was blocking my store at 2 am last Wednesday, I remember thinking, "God is preparing me for something. I don't have a clue what it is, but He's certainly getting me ready for it."

Now I'm just kind of wondering what that something is. It's around the corner, it's just beyond reach. I'll just keep walking until I get to whatever that something is.

Meanwhile, I've had Pinkerton almost three months now. He's a huge cuddle bug, eats too much, sleeps all day while I'm at work, likes to chase squirrels up trees, and has a new best friend in Niki's new puppy. Right now he's acting like a cat and oozing off my bed as he sleeps. And there's white fur everywhere. I vacuum three times a week and it never ends.

For you writers out there, get your pens ready! NaNoWriMo is on the horizon! In just one short month, the race to a completed novel will begin. Originally, I was going to rewrite my third book because it very desperately needs it. However the other night, I was talking with a friend and he requested that I write a story about his life. A biography of sorts. He's excited about it and I've never done anything like that before. And seeing as I've been exploring all sorts of new things lately, I thought, "Why not?"

So sharpen the pencils and get your pen refills kids. The adventure is only just beginning.

Currently Reading: Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
Currently Listening to: "Clarity" by Zedd

Hodgepodge

That's my life at the moment. Or so it feels.

As you can tell by the lovely little counter to the left of this post, I finished NaNoWriMo. With two days to spare, I finished the final chapter to Unity and began, almost immediately, trying to plan a cover. Not because it's ready for publication - simply because it's immensely cheaper to get the book printed through Createspace and then use that to edit vs. anywhere else.

Reflecting back on this month is kind of difficult. It feels like a blur. This whole past six months have felt like a blur. I mean, graduation happened and then BAM, reality. And then I fell into this sort of rhythm of life. I get up, go to work, I go home, I write. Occasionally in there, I get the chance to see some friends, though that's difficult.

So to only look back on November is kind of like asking me to look back at last week. I can barely remember what I ate yesterday, let alone what's transpired over the past month. All I know is that every night (or nearly every night), I sat at my computer and hammered against a keyboard, trying to bring still images in my head to life via words on a screen.

In spite of my efforts though, I think I've let myself down. Sure, I rewrote Unity in record time - 28 days. But at what cost? Quite a bit, I'm afraid. Even as I sit here writing this blog, I know I missed some things, forgot others, and blatantly ignored others still. It's a more coherent draft, yes, but a better one?

Well, the judges will be my friends and family that will gladly tear it apart and help me put it back together again.

Currently Writing: Nothing. I'm gathering my wits and then either attacking Arthur (and actually finishing it), or hitting Zero Point some more.
Currently Reading: Green by Ted Dekker
Currently Listening to: "Into the Open Air" by Julie Fowles (I may have spelled her name wrong)

Home Stretch

With only five days (including today) remaining of NaNoWriMo, I'm in the downward spiral of the rewrite. Essentially, I'm reaching the first chunk of falling action. Because Unity kind of has a couple of falling actions.

Anyway, I'm trying to take one day at a time. I won't deny that I feel super-dee-duper stressed, but I've gotta come up with a way to handle it better. Freaking out obviously won't help. So I'm gonna try to take each day as it comes. I tend to look into the future and try to have things planned out as best I can, and I'm pretty prone to freaking out when things go awry.

Once NaNo is over, I think I'll be able to  breathe easier. At least for a short bit. I've got a full plate in the next month, what with the giveaway, craft show and writer's conference. But, at the end of December I've got a trip to Florida for some Disney World and a wedding. If that doesn't scream vacation, I don't know what does.

It'll be a nice reprieve to get away - far away - from everything. That's my reward I'm working toward. I'll work my 35+ hour weeks and write and edit and perfect as best I can and survive. And, Lord willing, I'll have some fun along the way.

To all you Wrimos out there, good luck! These last few days are the most stressful, I'm sure, but you can pull through! It's a rewarding experience, so don't give up yet. Even if you're far from the goal of 50,000 words, keep trying. Every step you take toward finishing your novel is a step forward, so everything counts, no matter how long it takes you. Keep pressing on and keep your chin up. You are equipped to write the story you're telling and you can do this.

Happy adventuring everyone!

Currently [re]Writing: Unity
Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: "Sleep" by Polyphony and Stephen Layton

Curse My Short Attention Span!

I had such high hopes for this evening.

First off, I'm sick (again?! Why does this keep happening?!). And not just like, "*cough cough* now I'm all better" sort of sick. I'm losing my voice. One of my managers kept making fun of my inability to speak today and a few of my coworkers were laughing at how I could totally do a Batman impression just by talking. Then I made my brother nearly die of laughter when I tried to go falsetto and basically squeaked like a chipmunk.

Anyway, because of this, I'm lethargic. All I wanted to do today was watch Stargate and let my brain ooze. I can't do that. I'm a little behind on my writing and I still have around 30,000 words left to hammer out of Unity. Assuming Unity is around 120,000 words long when it's all said and done. That's just my rough estimate. It might wind up being more or less. Whatever. So long as the story's told properly.

Due to my lack of discipline today, I pretty much have had no control over my normally steadfast ability to just sit down and write. I kid you  not. I've just spent two hours playing around in Photoshop trying to make up a mock cover of Unity.

'Cause I have time for this.

NOT. I have an event coming up in like, two weeks to promote Genesis (at my old elementary school no less!), the giveaway on Goodreads ends in a few days, and I have the Writer's Conference in New York to prepare for. And I want to finish the Unity rewrite. AND I'm getting a hankering for trying to nail down more histories for Zero Point.

Sometimes, I think I try to tackle too much at any given time.

As though this all isn't crazy enough, today's Thanksgiving. Which means tomorrow is Black Friday. Which means Christmas is in like, doomsday looming distance. Goodness gracious, what kind of pill have I decided I'll swallow? One of my friends was right, I am an overachiever. But only in this area of my life.

I wonder what that says about me...

Thankfulness:
I'm incredibly thankful for a myriad of things. My family, my friends, my job, my creativity, my story, my characters, my God who controls all things and holds them all in His hands, my freedom (however long it may last), my car, and a trillion other things. I'm grateful for the fact that I can celebrate my Savior's birth and that I can have the financial ability to buy my family members and friends something nice. I'm blessed to know that there are people who love me, albeit far away, but they love me none the less. That somewhere out there, regardless of where I go and what I do, I can always return home and have someone who understands who I am and what I feel. I'm so far beyond thankful for the chance I have to give my characters life, to tell their story, and to pursue my dreams AND have the support of friends and family behind it. Not everyone is so lucky and somehow, God gifted me a bunch of different people who provide nonstop encouragement in all I do.

Be thankful everyone. And have a happy adventure this Thanksgiving.

Currently [re]Writing: Unity
Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: Music from Disney's Robin Hood playing over and over in my head. Don't ask me why. It just is.

P.S. - I feel like I need to explain why it takes me months to read easy books. It's cause I only read when I'm at work. When I'm home, I'm writing or creating. I love reading, I really do. I have a bookcase that proves that. But I don't give myself the free time to dive into a story. I did it with Hunger Games and was sorely disappointed. So I think now, I'm super wary to devote prime writing time to someone else's story. Although Lawhead's Hood has been good so far.

Halfway There

Well, as I think you can see, I've fulfilled the NaNoWriMo challenge. Woohoo! Another certificate to add to my growing collection :) And for those who are wondering; yes. I do frame them and hang them. It's an achievement after all!

Even though I've accomplished Nano, I'm only halfway through the book. I just cracked the two chapters past that point in the story. I knew that Unity was going to be long. As my brother said, "Her second book is basically The Council of Elrond."

That's a fair assessment.

So I have my work cut out for me. Unity, I feel, is going to be the book that I write and rewrite and rewrite and rewrite and scrap and rewrite. It's a hodgepodge book. A lot needs to happen in a short amount of time and even more is thrown at the audience during this time period. It's a lot for a general reader to take in. I might be asking too much of my readers. But, well, if I can follow it, I imagine anyone can. Though, I've had over ten years to meddle in this story and these characters.

To be fair, I've really only known the other Human-Borns well for about two years. Up till then, they've just been floating enigmas.

Well fellow Wrimos, I wish you all luck! Keep plugging away through whatever obstacles come your way and persevere. It'll be worth it in the end to have that manuscript finished. Trust me, I know! Keep pushing on and never give up. I believe in you!

Happy adventuring everyone.

Currently [re]Writing: Unity
Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: "Throne of Divinity" by City of the Fallen

Breather

I'm taking a brief respite from writing to...write a blog.

This is a different kind of writing. Like stream of consciousness.

7 days into Nano and I'm over the halfway mark for the month's goal. (And honestly, I'm sitting on a 3 chapter buffer of at least another 10k words just in case I don't get a day to write). I'm pleased with the pace I've been taking. The rewrite is going well and I finally tackled the major hurdle of the book. I stalled for a day because I still had no clue what was going on. Then I threw caution to the wind and said, "That's what editing's for!"

So here I sit. I just hammered out 4k in about 2 1/2, 3 hours. I have about three more hours until I'm calling it bed time, so I have the potential to get a nice chunk of the rewrite done tonight. Which would be a pleasant change. It helped that I got off work at two. I'm near dead tired, but thankfully the story keeps my mind reeling regardless of my sleep-deprivation.

How are things going with my fellow Wrimos? Everyone plowing along through their stories and having a blast? I sure hope so. The challenge behind NaNoWriMo is daunting, but incredibly fulfilling. Keep pressing on my fellow writers! There is much more of November left. Don't let the weather fool you!

For those that don't know, it's currently snowing outside. If I wasn't in writing mode, I'd totally be listening to Christmas music.

Happy writing!

Currently [re]Writing: Unity
Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: "New World Order" by City of the Fallen

Disaster, Discipline and Defrosting

Hurricane (then turned into Tropical Storm) Sandy did a good number on my local area. Which seemed surreal for me. My house was barely affected by the storm. Some blown transformers in the area and occasionally surges, but nothing disastrous.

But when I was told on Monday that Staples was closed, and then again yesterday, I was a little surprised at the widespread devastation around the local area. Then I drove up to Quakertown.

Downed trees, street lights off for miles, store signs blown to smithereens, telephone poles ripped to the ground from uprooted trees, whole shopping centers in the black.

Sometimes, I get a "home bubble" when I get stuck inside. Even though I read the reports and Facebook updates of friends, it still feels miles away from me. Not a block up and around the corner (where a tree was practically thrown across the front lawn of a nearby house). We have yet to find out the situation with our shore house down in Ocean City, NJ. My dad is fully prepared to lose everything on the first floor.

And with this storm came cold, biting weather. The kind that forces people to finally turn on their heaters and huddle around them. The kind of cold that freezes your toes and no amount of shuffling them under your covers will warm them again. Normally, I love this weather. But this was brought about with damp and dreary wetness, which only accentuates the cold in the air.

Now I have to remind myself that I need to be ready to leave for work five minutes earlier, just to defrost my car.

In other news, at midnight tonight, NaNoWriMo starts in earnest. I have a few writing buddies to join me on the journey and hopefully I'll stick to my schedule. I know as of late, my discipline has been lacking. So, to keep myself in check, I wrote up a calendar and forced myself to schedule time for writing. It sounds so childish to me, but I need to do it.

As of tomorrow, every day at 10pm, I will retreat to my room, plug in my headphones, and write until I can't write anymore. I have a pretty insane goal this time around: rewrite Unity. That should be easy, right?

Well, for those that weren't around last time, Unity is over 102,000 words on its own. That's close to 15,000 more words than Genesis. And in this rewrite, I know many, many words will be added on. My goal during November is to rewrite Unity in its entirety.

Wish me luck, fellow Wrimos, and I hope to see you on the battlefield of writing.

Happy adventuring!

Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: "Hope Will Lead Us On" by Barlowgirl

P.S. - Barlowgirl is one of my favorite bands. For 10 years, they've inspired me, encouraged me, and helped me through the darkest times and given me voice in the joyful times. Their concert was one of the most love-filled events I've ever been to, and I'm sad to see them go. I do, however, look forward to where God takes them next. If you've never listened to their music, I highly encourage you to look into them. You'll be glad you did.

The End of the World!

Or so many in the northeast seem to think.

I live in eastern Pennsylvania (in case you don't know), so that means that Hurricane Sandy is moving right on through where I call home. Every state office is closed, the government has declared a state of emergency, and even the mall closed. I, however, don't know if I'm working tomorrow yet or not. Even though I seriously doubt I'm gonna have someone coming in "needing" to get some copies made in the middle of a hurricane.

Although, if it comes down to me braving the elements and one of my coworkers, I'm gonna volunteer. I was saying to my parents as we watched the weather report, "I know this might sound reckless and stupid, but I'd much rather that I risk my life just to watch the store than one of my coworkers."

Yeah, there will probably be power outages. Yeah, there's gonna be flooding and I'm sure a good bit of devastation  My brother's already on call for catastrophe claims work and my dad's getting himself ready for a boatload of claims to hit his computer sometime next week when this all blows over. Yes, I'm sure there will be casualties and there will be problems that arise in many, many people's lives.

However, I don't view this as the end of the world. Even if I'm without power and the water shuts off and we have to move by candlelight and my cell phone dies, it won't be the world caving in on itself. Yes, it'll be uncomfortable and might even drive me slightly bonkers. But I will still be converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Honestly, I just hope people use their brains. Don't go driving around to run errands. Stay inside, stay safe. Use your head and keep yourself informed. Prepare, but don't freak out. When an evacuation is ordered, leave. Keep yourself alive. Things can be replaced - people can't.

And that's why tonight I said to my parents, "I know where I'm going when I die. And I know where many of my coworkers are going if they were to die tomorrow. So I'd much rather be the one that bites the bullet if I know it'll buy them a few more years to see the light and hear the News."

Hey, if the power goes out, it gives everyone an excuse to finally work on that story they've always wanted to write. Or better yet, plan it out so they can join me in NaNoWriMo :)

Stay safe everyone. And happy adventuring.

Currently [re]Writing: Unity
Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: "Promise" by Thomas Bergersen

It's That Time

Dust off your keyboards. Renew your interest in a dried out story. Shake out your writing pads & notebooks. Track down your favorite pen or pencil.

NaNoWriMo is back!

In several short days, November will be here. Crazy to imagine that we're already nearing that threshold of a new challenge. For those new to the party, NaNoWriMo is the opportunity for writers (of all ages, genres, levels of expertise, etc.), to band together and attempt a goal that might be insane. In the course of the month of November, hit 50,000 words on a novel of your choosing.

What will I be doing? Well, the rewrite of Unity. Unless if this new story idea hijacks my attention. Or possibly Zero Point. Or I might finish Arthur. This is the first time in a long time that I've left projects hanging. Literally, ZP & Arthur are just chilling until I work up the courage to drag them back into the sunlight.

If you happen to be interested in my goal timeline, this is it. November: rewrite Unity. December: Actually finish Unity (and go to Disney and see one of my favorite couples get married). January: Finish Arthur. February: Knock out a few more stories of Zero Point.

And that's as far as I'm planning ahead. God knows I hate making any plans, let alone ones that have the possibility of cementing into some sort of foundation.

The event today went well. I got the chance to talk with a number of people, both about Genesis and about future events. I've made a lot of connections and contacts now, so that should help open something up for later in the coming months.

So, to tie this back to my original reason for writing: join me! Sign up for NaNoWriMo and give a crack at something insane, but mighty fun. There's a great community of writers out there to help encourage you as you trudge along. Trust me, we understand the pressure of that goal. I'm really going to be fighting to be diligent about it. Crazy - I have to actually find time to write? Ugh, please, can I have my final semester of college back?

Happy adventuring everyone :)

Currently Writing: kinda rummaging through the possibility of this new story. Nothing major yet, just...mishmash plot stuff.
Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: "Thankful for You" by TobyMac

P.S. - The TobyMac kick, there is a reason. I just bought his new album and it's kinda been on repeat.