The Land of Me

So as Christmas nears, I find myself asking a question of my own character. What is this holiday about? As I hear customer after customer wish a "happy holidays", I want to return with a "Merry Christmas". Billboard after billboard and ad after ad are pushing the 'me-centric' mentality. Get what you want. It's all about the getting, not the giving.

I know I'm pretty alone on this, but my love language is gifts - tied with quality time. Anyway, because of this, giving stuff is one of my absolute favorite things to do. If it were up to me, I'd give away everything that I have to other people. I'm all about seeing faces light up at the prospect of something fun or new. I love seeing the reaction people have when unexpectedly, they're handed something they didn't expect.

Have you ever just given a homeless person dinner? Have you ever handed a twenty to someone you would never get it back from? How about those countless times you've been at a register and the cashier asks, "Would you like to donate to [insert charity here]"? What about when you've seen someone struggling, and rather than pity them, you helped them?

Y'know, Christmas used to be the time when everyone was nicer to their fellow man. People smiled more frequently, laughed more freely, and there was goodness in the air. It didn't have to be snowing to inspire wonder or awe in the hearts of everyone. Things didn't have to appear magical, because everyone was acting a little more like we should be.

And now what's it about? Me, me, me, me, me. What can I get? What did so-and-so get for me? I sure hope whats-their-name got me x because I really want it.

Maybe this is why it hasn't felt like Christmas yet this year. Maybe it's because we've lost the meaning of Christmas. Worst part is, the meaning is at the beginning of the word. How are we this blind?

Sometimes, I really wish I could be heard. If only for the hope that behind my words there might be truth, and that in that truth, there might be some freedom.

Merry Christmas everyone. And happy adventuring this Christmas season.

Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "Misty Mountains" from The Hobbit

P.S. - The Hobbit? Yeah. Definitely disappointed.

Reality

Back to the grind.

Today was actually a rather entertaining return to the norm. Upon walking in the door at work, I was practically bombarded by coworkers enthusiastically asking how my weekend in New York went. With smiles and laughter, they offered such overwhelming good spirits that despite my indifference to how things went, I couldn't help but smile.

I've got an army of good friends at work that have encouraged me ten-fold by their reaction today. The fact that they engaged in what I had done and were actually interested in it made me feel...I dunno. Whole, I guess. I struggle with the fear of becoming forgotten. After a day like today, I realize that I wasn't forgotten during my four day hiatus from what I normally do.

Although, I have to wonder. Does everyone that hasn't written a novel think this of a writer: "I can't wait to tell everyone I know a famous author!"

Not even kidding. I don't know how many times I heard that today. Each time I tried to quell their jocular energy, only to be met with wider grins. *Shrug* I guess that to some people, what I do is pretty awesome.

I can't lie either. I think what I do is pretty awesome.

Hope your adventures are always happy!

Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "Christmas Card" by Stephen Curtis Chapman

Day 3

Today I pitched to two editors. Yesterday, I pitched one.

They all want the first 50 pages of my book.

Not only did I discover that I'm the youngest person at this conference, but I'm also only one of two that has had all three editors request a part of our manuscript. The guy in charge of our group thinks my book is highly sellable after I gave him a little more information regarding the series and was able to - thank God for this! - keep Tilion.

Aside from some name changes that I'm kind of okay with, everything is the same. My characters are all in place, the setting is fine, and best of all, I haven't had to bastardize my story for the sake of the greedy market. (Yes, I did just say 'bastardize'. No, it isn't a curse. It's a proper use of the word in its definition.) Although I'm sure to get some push-back on my established back story - because it's Biblical - I think that I'll be able to spin it well enough that if and when my book is published through one of these houses, they won't scream and run and hide.

That's my hope anyway.

So this conference has been highly helpful for me. Not only has it validated that my book is highly marketable, but it also has given me a solid pitch, more confidence in the writing world, and best of all, I now have absolute faith in God that He's working in me the way He needs. Despite my occasional kicking and screaming.

To all my fellow aspiring writers, I would recommend you take the opportunities you have to branch out and stretch yourself. I know it isn't easy. I nearly got sick the first day because of my nerves. But, once you survive it (and you will), you will be wiser, stronger and far more confident and prepared for the task you have placed in front of you.

You have only begun your journey.

Happy adventuring :)

Currently Writing: Nada. The plan? After New Years, I attack Genesis and ensure it's battle ready and then I send it off to agents. 'Cause saying in your query that you've already got houses biting for it will make me a shining coin among world beaten pennies.

Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini

Currently Listening to: "We Three Kings" by Stephen Curtis Chapman

Day 1

Well, today I not only managed to navigate New York City, but I also made it to the conference with a half hour to spare, didn't have to eat lunch alone (making friends is good!), made it onto the correct train to get me back to my Uncle and Aunt's house safely, and did not explode from nerves as I pitched my book to my fellow workshoppers.

That's where the good news ends.

Today was all about laying out ground work for our pitches. Basically, we sat in a room, read our pitches one at a time and our group leader (a seasoned veteran of the publishing world), tried to help us craft it in the best possible way to make the pitch - and therefore the book - its most sellable. A lot of what he said was good to learn and even better to have validated.

However, he basically wants me to completely write a different story than what I've got. He thinks the concept of having another world in the mix is too confusing, he wants my character to not be a teenager, and he wants it somewhere exotic. Not America.

None of those changes sit right with me.

Is that stubbornness? I don't think so. I guess since I think God gave me this story, it doesn't make any sense to completely obliterate the story and tell something completely different. I mean, if I get rid of Tilion, everything I love about the story and the characters pretty much is thrown out the window. I can't have Grovix that way and I can't do any of the things I already have written out. That's not the end of the world, but we're talking about an entirely different story. A story that, to me, isn't End Game.

I might just be one of those authors that refuses to make changes. But, at the same time, nothing about those changes sit right with me. Also, I'm not in this business to make money. I get that my book is a hard sell. A lot happens in it and I require an intelligent audience. I require an audience of inquiring minds and curious intellect.

Basically, I don't know what to do. And I imagine that despite my exhaustion, I'm not going to be getting much sleep tonight.

Don't hold your breath people. This ride is gonna be a long one.

Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman

Up Next

Tonight was quiet at work. It was a nice change of pace after the past six days of non-stop running every moment I've been there. In the long lulls of nothing going on, I started mulling over what I was going to write next.

Naturally, this next writing adventure won't happen until after the new year. December is normally too busy, and this year I've got boatloads going on that I wasn't anticipating originally. I decided to start thinking about the offshoot stories I planned to eventually write, called The Human-Born Chronicles. I already wrote one (what was supposed to be my only piece for senior sem), but I'd really like the opportunity to write the other five remaining ones.

So, after I finish Arthur (which will definitely be happening!), I'm gonna start tearing into at least some of the HBCs (my affectionate nickname).

Yeah. I really want to beat my nearly 600,000 word total from last year.

Currently Writing: Nothing at the moment. Give me a few weeks.
Currently Reading: Green by Ted Dekker
Currently Listening to: "Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies)" by Chris Tomlin

Time

The past two days of work have been draining. Not simply because I've stayed almost an hour over my scheduled time both days, but also it's been crazy busy. It also doesn't help that yesterday I cut a near perfect circle into my thumb by trying to use our grommet thingy (that's a perfectly acceptable descriptive word). Do you know how often you use your thumb? Pretty much for everything. Writing, reading, using your phone/iPod, eating, picking things up. The list goes on and on. However, it did give me a great excuse to buy fancy band-aids.

Now, for the purpose of this post.

Y'know what's a crazy conception? Time. We talk about it every day. How it crawls, how it flies. How it cheats us, robs us, lies to us, gives us an extra hour, takes away an hour, adds up. The many things that 'time' does can grow to infinity.

Well, personally, I think time is useless.

Sure, it helps us organize our lives. You know what it also does? It drives us mad. Everything is done by a clock. How fast can you get something done? How quickly can you get from point a to point b? How swiftly can you perform a task before the time runs out? Runs out for what? What, exactly, are we chasing? What do we gain from constantly checking our watches, our phones, our computer clocks?

Now there are logical things people will combat for time's necessity. It helps us mark the sunrise, the sunset. The end of one day as it bleeds into another. When to do something, when to eat, when to sleep. When to work, when to do blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Who, exactly, set these standards of when the right 'time' is to get these things done? For the most part, we eat when we're hungry. We sleep when we're tried. We move when we're antsy. We breathe when our body says to. Time, this great villain of our lives, doesn't hold us as fast as we seem to think it does.

So why do we let it?

I'm asked why I love the country. Because there isn't as much of a mad dash for a clock to always be glanced at. The world moves and the wind rolls and there's a peaceful movement. A natural movement. I never feel frazzled or rushed when I'm in the middle of nowhere, lying on my back, gazing at the stars. Why is that?

Because for a few moments, I let time be forgotten, and I appreciate the beauty of true infinity.

Currently Writing: Genesis pitch
Currently Reading: Green by Ted Dekker
Currently Listening to: "We Three Kings" by Steven Curtis Chapman

Random Aside

I forgot how much I really don't like Ted Dekker outside of the thriller genre.

Yesterday I picked up Green and began to read it. In the first chapter, I nearly groaned out loud. It's not that he's not a good writer. It's just, I don't know. I guess I don't like his allegory. It actually makes me feel off-set and not at all comfortable. Narnia, the Grey Havens - they left me with the feeling of protection/perfection/peace. Dekker's allegory always 1) bored me to tears 'cause the plot twists were neon lights you saw 18 miles out (or in my case, 1/2 a book into the 3 book series), and 2) seems like it should be heartwarming but is really just kinda...weird.

I dunno. I may be singing a different tune when I officially finish Green. It also kinda bothered me that literally in the first paragraph of the introductory page he basically compared himself to Tolkien and Lewis. Like I said: their allegory I love. His, not so much.

But goodness, I loved Three and Adam. They were terrifying, but wonderfully written and portrayed. Those were twists I didn't see coming. Personally, I think he should stick to the thriller realm and leave allegory to others (not me, just others. I'll write a post about my feelings on allegory some other time).

In other news, I've about a week left till the conference. Only two days left until the holiday shop to promote my book, and only a few weeks until Christmas. The next few weeks are kind of like a snowball falling down a hill. Soon it'll be me stumbling over myself in an attempt to not fall smack into the concrete.

Happy adventuring everyone!

Currently Writing: I'm teetering between Arthur and the new story. I think I'll be veering a hard left and shooting for Arthur. 'Cause I really want to get to Thor.
Currently Reading: Green by Ted Dekker
Currently Listening to: "What Child is This?" by Steven Curtis Chapman

Communion

It's just grape juice and a cracker, right?

Sure, if you're only looking at it as it appears. In truth, it's far more than that. Communion isn't supposed to be something we just do because it's always done. The idea behind communion is to remind our forgetful selves of the selfless act Christ was born to commit.

I wear this ring on my right ring finger. It says "Passion" on it, because I try to remind myself that I live for a greater purpose. That God's love abounds in my life and that I live to further His Kingdom. Yet, even with that reminder slapped to my hand, I forget exactly what it is that Jesus did. Not only did he accept the punishment of death, but he endured the torture that came well before death finally greeted him.

Worse still, he experienced separation from God. For however long that lasted, I don't know, but he endured it. He looked death square in the face - and with some fear too (I mean, look at his prayer in the Garden the night of his arrest) - and triumphed. The sad thing is, God even knew we'd need the reminder of communion thousands of years ago. Despite Jesus' amazing triumph, we need something to tell us to remember what he did. What he accomplished.

Because he did accomplish something that day. He created a way for us to experience his Father's love in a way never known before. Even greater than that, we're given a purpose. I can't imagine living life without something guiding it. That something is the Spirit. And yet I need a reminder of Christ's sacrifice?

How absurd. How Human.

In months (and years), past, I've always approached communion in this sort of "Okay, get right with God" thing. It was the day I wasn't allowed to get angry or frustrated. I just needed to get myself in line and once again, grovel before my Heavenly Father for forgiveness. And recognizing sinfulness is a good thing, I'm not saying it isn't. I'm just saying it's not necessarily what's at the root of communion.

I think I've been wrong about that. I mean, maybe I haven't. I don't know. This is probably one of those things I'll realize I still got wrong a few years down the road. But I think communion's supposed to be about remembering Christ's atoning sacrifice more than anything else. I mean, he even says in Luke 22:19, "Do this to remember me."

Why is that so hard to do all the time?

Currently Listening to: "Idumea" by the Millikin University Choir

Hodgepodge

That's my life at the moment. Or so it feels.

As you can tell by the lovely little counter to the left of this post, I finished NaNoWriMo. With two days to spare, I finished the final chapter to Unity and began, almost immediately, trying to plan a cover. Not because it's ready for publication - simply because it's immensely cheaper to get the book printed through Createspace and then use that to edit vs. anywhere else.

Reflecting back on this month is kind of difficult. It feels like a blur. This whole past six months have felt like a blur. I mean, graduation happened and then BAM, reality. And then I fell into this sort of rhythm of life. I get up, go to work, I go home, I write. Occasionally in there, I get the chance to see some friends, though that's difficult.

So to only look back on November is kind of like asking me to look back at last week. I can barely remember what I ate yesterday, let alone what's transpired over the past month. All I know is that every night (or nearly every night), I sat at my computer and hammered against a keyboard, trying to bring still images in my head to life via words on a screen.

In spite of my efforts though, I think I've let myself down. Sure, I rewrote Unity in record time - 28 days. But at what cost? Quite a bit, I'm afraid. Even as I sit here writing this blog, I know I missed some things, forgot others, and blatantly ignored others still. It's a more coherent draft, yes, but a better one?

Well, the judges will be my friends and family that will gladly tear it apart and help me put it back together again.

Currently Writing: Nothing. I'm gathering my wits and then either attacking Arthur (and actually finishing it), or hitting Zero Point some more.
Currently Reading: Green by Ted Dekker
Currently Listening to: "Into the Open Air" by Julie Fowles (I may have spelled her name wrong)