What Goes Unseen

Over the past few weeks, I've had the opportunity to talk with friends about the things we struggle with. For years I've been embarrassed about the things that eat away at my mind and tempt my soul. The sins I suffer from most are ones people don't see - I have to tell them. In the past few months, I've come to the realization that yes, understanding that I sin and avoiding that temptation is a good thing, but hiding it in shame only proves that not only have I not come to terms with that struggle, but I haven't allowed myself to be forgiven of those sins.

So, I'm gonna tell you about it.

Hello, my name is Susan, and I suffer from the pretty severe temptation of lustful thoughts. This is to no fault of anyone but myself. These things aren't triggered because of anything anyone else does. In fact, it's all always my own stupid mind doing something, well, stupid. Since I'm a writer and have a myriad of characters running amuck in my brain, I utilize them to explore things I really shouldn't.

There's a specific reason why I have an antagonist that fights against the same thing. I know what it's like to have something haunt the mind over and over and over again. I'm incredibly visual and that only makes matters worse. It's a primary reason why I avoid certain movies and TV shows.

And no one knows this about me just by looking at me or interacting with me. At least, not to my knowledge.

Since this all happens in my head, there's no way anyone could possibly know what I go to battle against. This isn't something I always have to worry about. In fact, over the past couple years, I've become far better at keeping the thoughts completely and entirely at bay. Some days are significantly worse than others, as though I never made progress. But most days I go through my life with absolutely nothing attempting to rot my brain.

That's about it. I mean, I struggle with other things less significantly. Like envy (playing the comparison game!) and anger. Those two things pop up occasionally and normally attack me with a tidal wave. I never see it coming and I have to really fight to stay above water. Otherwise I drown into self-doubt (on the envy side), and absolute rage (on the anger side).

So that's a small glimpse into my personal struggles.

Hopefully this didn't completely deter you from reading any other posts. That wasn't my goal. My goal was to lead by example. I can't expect complete honesty from everyone around me unless I'm willing to be completely honest. So here I am, being completely honest.

Happy adventuring everyone. May your days always be epic.

Currently Writing: Zero Point One
Currently Listening to: "Promise" by Thomas Bergersen