My Check Engine Light Came On

Mitchell...it's been fun.

I have every intention of trading in my 2008 Saturn Aura on Friday for a brand new, shiny, beautiful, 2014 Ford Mustang. His name will be Gabriel.

I got a new job. Shut up.

Today, in order to determine that I wasn't insane, I went and test drove a Mustang. I was at complete ease in that car. It took no time whatsoever to get used to it and I found myself loving it the moment I turned the car on. Only a V6, it still thrummed to life and purred as we drove along.

And, as this is my life, I once again determined the world is tiny.

As things would have it, my sales guy worked at Enterprise when I was in my accident almost a year ago and had driven me from the auto body shop to Enterprise so I could get my rental. He was the guy that helped me get a car within two hours so I could get back to work. We both recognized one another, but couldn't place how or when or where. It was hilarious as we drove along and he asked if he had helped me once before.

By the end of the twenty minute test drive, I was hooked. It wasn't the color I wanted and I had to remind myself that I was pacing myself. I needed to wait. I have to give Mitch a good scrub down before I hand him over. I'm hoping I get 5k for the trade-in. But, seeing as the check engine light just came on, that's a long shot. I'm still praying though. Maybe the light will turn off on Friday when I go to do the deed.

I'm excited about getting a brand new car. I'm stoked to move on and start fresh. I feel like it'll be a good experience for me.

By the way, the whole "new car smell" is totally a thing.

Currently Reading: Lamb: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore

OMGEEEE

10 months, really? Almost a year?

Look at me not go. Commonly referred to as "stopping".

Where to even begin. Work was atrocious and I never got time off. And what little time off I did get, I spent worrying about work. I had nightmares about work. I had anxiety about work. I hated going into work. I hated seeing all of my friends leave while I stayed behind.

And now I have a new job. Same company, new job. A significant pay bump (which I certainly won't complain about), and a schedule that I make. It's a little unnerving, having this much freedom, but I'm thankful for the change of pace. I'm grateful for the challenge this sales job presents.

I've had the puperoo a year, which is mind-blowing. I've built a computer. Two of my friends have made gigantic moves to different states. One of my friends is expecting a baby. I'm buying a Mustang within the next month (and no one's gonna stop me). My sister is officially done her dissertation, which means she graduates as a master's degree holding person in October. I traveled to Ireland. I took Pinkerton on a five and a half hour road trip. I ran out of gas twice (because I'm stupid). And I went on my first real world, grown up work related trip.

Now for the reason behind my post.

I'm an adult now, as terrifying as that is. Which means my Facebook feed is filled with one of three things: engagements, weddings or babies. Not much else on there. There's the occasional spotty post about someone doing something unrelated to one of those three things. And I find them a breath of fresh air. They make me feel a little more normal.

In the midst of all of this happening, I've noticed something: Engagements and weddings that go viral.

I'm all about making a wedding a celebration. They really should be treated like that. But I've seen some things that have gone around that, essentially say, "This is the best engagement/wedding/baby on the planet, and no one else can even remotely compare". To be frank, it bothers me. I ignore them anymore because it makes me feel like either a) I'll get my hopes up or b) I'll be disappointed that those things aren't happening to me.

It's almost annoying how we've turned relationships into this trope to have. This thing to tout and show off. Like somehow, someone in their specific union has mastered something that doesn't have a textbook. Remember people, relationships are unique. Every single one of them. Because of that, how can we possibly allow ourselves to compare one to another? It's like comparing an apple to an orange - as cliche as that is. They are different in every single way.

That's how relationships, engagements, marriages, families, are supposed to be. They're all unique and special. They're all irreplaceable. Why do we put a star sticker on one? They're all genuinely beautiful.

I'm getting off my soapbox now. Simply because, for no adequate reason, I'm exhausted. I fear I'm getting sick. How annoying is that? It's like the year of the plague for me.

Currently I'm in between books. I'll pick up one of them sometime this weekend and dig in.

Currently Listening to: "Sleep" by Polyphony and Steven Layton

Lackluster

Another November, another NaNoWriMo. I find myself entering this year's goal with a lackluster manner. Almost a "meh" mentality. Like I can't get myself to be excited about writing. Which seems so strange. After such a phenomenal year my senior year of college where I spat out book after book, I don't know how to get myself back onto the bandwagon.

I look back at my writing life and think about how it all happened. If I'm honest with myself, I see a pattern forming. I write a book (or several), and then take a five year hiatus where I don't write much of anything. That's what happened before. I wrote my first draft of my first book and then didn't do squat for close to three or four years. Then I word-vomited five books and a novella in a year. And now here I am, struggling to find the words to even write a short blog post.

I don't know if this is due to a lackluster view on life that I have at the moment, or if this is due to simply a lackluster view on my writing. You're always your worst critic - or so I believe - and because of that, I think I, like many others, am prone to thinking too little of myself and my talents. Part of that is simply because I don't want to be big-headed. But there's something to be said for having at least a little pride in what you do and how good you are at it.

So, essentially, I'm going to tackle another NaNoWriMo and this year my hope is that when it's over, I find myself enlivened to write something new. Or at the very least, to really reengage my pursuit of publishing. I lost that fire pretty quickly when none of the agents responded or turned me down. Which seems silly, 'cause I know that there's always a million no's.

If I'm brutally honest with myself though, I admit that those million no's have 100% gotten to me in the worst way.

Exhaustion is the New Normal

Holy CRAP it's been a while. Proof that I've been spending a lot of time at work.

So, as I said almost three months ago, I'm at a new store. It's been a pretty rough ride these past few months. Lots of changes in the building (some directly because of me pointing out problems), and a good deal of insanity has resulted in me becoming nearly burnt out.

Why you ask? Because last Tuesday, my district manager walked into the building and declared our store a radical recovery. That led to me working a twenty and a half hour day. That's right. I walked in at 6:45 in the morning on Tuesday. I didn't leave until 3:15 Wednesday morning.

Yeah.

I'll be honest though, I'm learning a lot. Sure, I'm exhausted and can't wait until I have a vacation. But at least I'm trying to remain positive. I know I'm running low on my personal battery known as energy, however I think that all in all, this whole experience will merit some good growth on my end. So as I was blocking my store at 2 am last Wednesday, I remember thinking, "God is preparing me for something. I don't have a clue what it is, but He's certainly getting me ready for it."

Now I'm just kind of wondering what that something is. It's around the corner, it's just beyond reach. I'll just keep walking until I get to whatever that something is.

Meanwhile, I've had Pinkerton almost three months now. He's a huge cuddle bug, eats too much, sleeps all day while I'm at work, likes to chase squirrels up trees, and has a new best friend in Niki's new puppy. Right now he's acting like a cat and oozing off my bed as he sleeps. And there's white fur everywhere. I vacuum three times a week and it never ends.

For you writers out there, get your pens ready! NaNoWriMo is on the horizon! In just one short month, the race to a completed novel will begin. Originally, I was going to rewrite my third book because it very desperately needs it. However the other night, I was talking with a friend and he requested that I write a story about his life. A biography of sorts. He's excited about it and I've never done anything like that before. And seeing as I've been exploring all sorts of new things lately, I thought, "Why not?"

So sharpen the pencils and get your pen refills kids. The adventure is only just beginning.

Currently Reading: Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
Currently Listening to: "Clarity" by Zedd

Last Day

It's been an incredibly surreal week for me. My dog Pinkerton is acclimating well to my house (easy to do when half of his past week has been solely with me around and the rest of my family gone), and I've spent a good amount of time sort of revamping the way I do things around the house. What with tearing my room apart, getting a larger bed, trying to finagle way too much stuff into one tiny space, and shove too many books onto one single bookcase.

What's made it the most surreal is that as of 3 o'clock this afternoon, I no longer work at the Staples store I've called home since I started there in the summer of 2007. Sure, I took a hiatus while away at school, but obviously I came back. Now, a smigin over a year later, I'm getting super promoted (I'm bypassing a lead position and moving straight to a supervisor which is like, right under a manager) and leaving the store and the associates I've come to know and love.

It hit me hard yesterday when I started the goodbyes and I hugged one of the guys I've known since 2008. As he hugged me I anticipated a rough, "Now get out of here!" and then a jocular smile. Instead, he started saying how I was gonna kick ass and be great at the new job and how he was excited for me. I almost started crying. Because I respect this man a lot and to hear him very seriously say that to me on my last day working with him (for now), I suddenly realized what I was doing.

I was leaving home.

That's what this is. I'm going to a larger, darker, and slightly disasterly store. My commute isn't much longer so that's not an issue. It's simply the fact that I'm walking on in as a supervisor to these people and I don't know who any of them are. I've been so spoiled this past year by walking back into my old store, knowing 60% of the staff and becoming fast friends with the remaining 40%. Now, I like to think I'm easy to get along with, but nonetheless, I had it easy coming back.

Everything is about to change. I pray for the best. I hope this winds up being exactly what I need. But above and beyond all of this is that I'm sincerely hoping that somehow, someway, I find my way back home again.

Currently Editing: Unity
Currently Listening to: "The Call" from The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian