God is Good

So tonight I got back from work, and was met by the sight of my newest sister standing in the kitchen, with my brother Jon in the dining room while our neighbors were helping to set the dinner table. And then I sat myself down to a crowded, yet love filled, table. We ate, we talked, we said things that were pretty well crazy, which is what my family does best.

And then we eventually got into the action of gift giving, (which, I will admit, was my fault - because I was practically shoving Niki's gift in her face), and then moved out to the living room. Jon and Mallory handed out their gifts, so did Niki, and we all watched them open their belated Christmas presents. And then Jon handed Mom and Dad their gifts.

We all were busy laughing at my parents interacting. Basically, Dad was delaying opening his gift and was busy watching my Mom, to insure that neither of them opened their gifts before the other. After about three minutes or so of watching them attempt to open their gifts, Mom finally gave in and pulled her gift out of the box. It was a mug, and she read the inscription on the side and said, "Aww, 'World's Best Oma'! How cute!"

My brain practically shut down. Oma is German for "grandmom". I don't know what finally got my parents to realize that they were holding a rather important announcement in their hands. I do know that Mallory ducked behind Jon - very similarly to when Jon announced they were engaged - and Jon said, "We have an announcement to make."

And the rest is history.

Nah, I won't end the story there. Jon and Mallory decided to tell my parents - and the rest of the family - that there was a baby to be expected by giving them their matching grandparents mugs. Needless to say, there was much hugs, yelling, and wanting to congratulate Mallory and Jon, but Mallory was hiding.

It was hard to divert attention away from Mallory, so I decided to do my best by throwing Niki her stocking present and get everyone to pay attention to that, rather than Mallory and the fact that she's pregnant. It worked for a few minutes; mostly because Josh has crazy fast ninja skills we didn't know about.

The rest of the night was filled with us all opening our stocking gifts, laughing, asking Jon and Mallory questions about the baby, like names they had looked at, and how Josh isn't allowed to be the crazy uncle. And then Josh started trying to straighten a doily. Remember, he's not the crazy uncle.

And then we all went out into the back room and played - or at least attempted to play - Star Trek Scene It. We did discover that we aren't that crazy knowledge based on Star Trek. We just enjoy it. But when it comes to very specific things...yeah, we don't know half of them. Except Nancy. Nancy knew some random nurse's name out of nowhere.

So. I'm going to be an Aunt. What a revelation! What a crazy turn of events! God never stops to take a break from life. He's constantly got His hands in our lives, even when they're minor things happening. Mallory and Jon hadn't planned on having kids until school was done. So...we'll see where God takes them! Now, we're going to see if anyone in my house can sleep tonight.

God, thanks for never letting us become content at the ease of life. Thanks for keeping us on our toes. Thanks for letting adventure and surprise never be too far off. You're awesome.

Back to Reality....

Is it bad that, even in my blessing of having a job that pays me well and being able to just, walk back into the building and pop right back into my spot as it was three and a half months ago, I feel as though I'm betraying another part of me?

I'm back home. Home. In Sellersville. And, naturally, with coming home for longer than five days, I'm back to work at Staples. How does that feel? Well, it's comforting to know that I'll have spending money - as it always is. But there's the flip side of now I feel as though I have no time. Yes, it's nice that I'm spending 38 hours this week at work, which could very well mean a nice fat paycheck next Thursday waiting for me, but at the same time, each day it's a shift right in the middle of the day. Which means that, by the time I get home, my family's already spent time together and already have stories that I can't be a part of because I wasn't there in the first place. And things are never as funny if you're just hearing about it, rather than being there when it happens.

So I feel like I'm being left out. I know that my job is a blessing, something that God gave me to keep me on my feet and let me still be allowed to run about and have spending money even when I'm not working. I know this. But...

My brain automatically asks, "what about the relationships? what about the people in your life you care the most about that you can't spend time with, because you're too busy working?"

*Sigh* I don't know. I assume that one day things may make sense again; when I don't have to devote so much time doing something that I view as being extremely temporary. I don't know if my outlook is a good thing, or a bad thing. My outlook on life is that one day I will die; and when I die, I will go to heaven, and dwell with God forever. So what does that mean for the life that I'm living and the time that I'm spending sitting in Staples thinking things like, "Oh goodness, it's only been two hours?!"

It makes me automatically think, "Well, let's just quit and go spend time with people, because people are what's important!"

It also makes me look insane. Whenever I tell people about my 'philosophy', sometimes I get nods, sometimes I get people that say that's a fancy way of saying that I'm lazy, and others look at me as if I've got eighty heads. Or if I'd just said something inane, like...I'm a dragon and will one day breathe fire on someone I hate just for the fun of it.

See? Crazy. (Imagine living in my head. In my mind. Yeah. Just think about it. Welcome to my world).

Okay. I'm tired. It's 11:48, and I'm tired. Am I sick? Or has Staples just corrupted my body in one day to make me feel more withered then I actually am?

Home

It’s finals week. Wow, what a bizarre thing, to already be at finals week. It constantly surprises me how time can move both exceedingly slow, and yet at super speed at the same time. Who would have thought? I sit here, in my dorm room, and find myself amazed at the fact that, about three and a half months ago, I walked onto this campus, terrified that I would screw up, or not make any friends, of just be in the same spot that I was four months ago.

But the longer I am on this campus, and the longer I am around these amazing people I am privileged enough to call my friends and my professors, I am reminded of God’s glory and His grace. Not only has he given me a multitude of new people that I can call friends, but He’s also shown me what I lost, and He’s shown me how to get back there. It’s hard, but it’s so worth it. To be able to fall asleep and feel love and peace…it’s something that I forgot about somewhere along the way, and I am so thankful to have found it again.

A year ago, I would have been ashamed to write God’s name in a journal entry – how ironic that I should be ashamed of my Father who made me? I still have a lot of growing up to do – more than I originally had thought. But I think it’s good. And I have the feeling that God’s gonna keep me here as long as it’s necessary. I’m still screwing up, but at least now, I don’t immediately blame someone else for the problem. I’ve recognized that I do have an issue regarding school work and getting it done, but at the same time, no matter how many times I screw up. No matter how many times I fall down and say, “Okay, I’m just too tired right now, I’ll get back to you later”, God’s still there. He’s still there with waiting arms.

So I thank God. I thank Him for the abundance of blessings he has bestowed upon me. I thank Him for my family, as dysfunctional as it is, and our ability to love one another and be able to sit down at dinner together and not have harsh words as our only exchange. I thank Him for the continuing blessing of a job, even though it irritates me when I’m there, I hope that the difference I feel will show in my attitude at work, and that I will see him more readily when I am at work. I pray that there has been a difference in me, and that the world will see it. I pray that, even in three and a half months, one group of people can change for the better. I pray that anger and hatred become foreign words and that instead, love and peace will be in their wake.

I thank God. Even as I sit here, dreading a final that has to occur at 8 in the morning today, I thank Him. Because I’ve found Him again. And that alone has made the tuition, the grief, the aggravation, the pain…it’s all been worth it, solely so I could find my way back to Him again. With His arms open, open and waiting for me to come flying back home.

Home.

Dreaming

What exactly is a daydream? My dictionary defines it as ‘absent minded dreaming while awake’ or ‘having dreamlike musings or fantasies while awake’. Is that what I do a majority of the time? Most likely; because it fits. I do fantasize that my life would be different somehow. In a daydream, I can do anything. In a dream I can do anything. When I listen to songs that are easy to sing to, especially in the car driving home, I belt out the lyrics and am sure to hit all the right notes, because somehow, I’ll imagine myself standing on a stage, lights in my eyes and an audience listening to me singing. And no one is grimacing. No one’s bored. Instead, they’re listening, and for some reason, they are intent to listen. Like me singing is going to change something.

But that’s just a daydream. If I did somehow work up the courage to even audition for something in which I would be singing either by myself or with an ensemble and happened to actually reach that stage of making it to those white lights shining in my eyes so I can’t actually see anything, I’d shake through half of the song before I felt comfortable up there with people staring at me.

When did this happen? When did I become so terrified of people? When did others possibly judging me become a problem? I can’t pinpoint any specific time, date, or even year. I almost wish I could, because that would just sound cool. “It all started midmorning on Sunday afternoon in the cold of November when someone scoffed at me singing and said I was atrocious”. Only instead, I just have vague memories of having a small solo in a musical at church and a few solos that were normally shared throughout my career in elementary school and middle school. And I know I wasn’t always terrified. I have a very vivid memory of me, probably at the age of like, six, (woot! I can remember back to when I was six! ROCK ON), singing to an old folks home with my dad playing the guitar.

He hasn’t played that guitar in years. I wonder if he even remembers that he has it. I wonder if he can remember how to play it.

I want to live my daydream. I want to actually, one day, work up the courage necessary to sing a song and actually have people applause afterwards. But my time is running out. What can I do? High school, I just allowed myself to be part of the choir. Sure, I tried to get solos and get into the elite choir, and choked at auditions. I knew my choir director well enough to know he wouldn’t laugh at me after I walked out of the room, regardless of how I did. So why did I freak out and why did my heart beat faster like someone had gotten the cue to make the drum beat crescendo and speed up? What’s the point to me having this ability, (Which, by the way, I’m not 100% sure I actually have), if I can’t just go along with it and allow it to happen?

I guess I haven’t given this up yet to God. I guess I haven’t given any of it up yet. That’s a sad reality.

…I’m sorry God.

If All Classes Were Musicals

Seriously though. If classes were either musicals, or humorous, then students would remember everything from the class. Take abridged series, and spoofs, and rip offs and anything else that makes us laugh and repeat it and repeat it and quote it and have a ball resiting the things we found funny the first eighty times.

If classes were in musical format, or so funny you were falling out of your seats, you'd want to recite those funny, factional moments over and over and over again. And quizzes and tests would be a breeze! You'd just have to sit there and sing out an answer, or laugh as you thought about the one quote to answer the question.

I'd be a straight A student in no time! I can quote half of Red vs. Blue episodes, Abridged series, spoofs, heck, my friends videos. If it makes you laugh, you're more likely to remember the cause of the laughter.

Random thought.

My Brain

It may as well be goo. For the past week, I've been attempting to actually accomplish things, and instead, whenever I sit down to do them, my body gets all tired and my eyes hurt and my brain feels fogged up. Heck, even playing Kingdom Hearts was too much for me this past week!

And meanwhile, I'm counting down the days until our floor is quarantined due to health reasons. Alaina and Dana brought something back from their trip to Jamestown, Shelly's got a sinus infection, Erin's been coughing like no ones business for the past few days, and Kara had a fever a few days back.

I can't wait for break. The ability to sleep in will probably do wonders for my body. And a good meal - I cannot wait for that. Houghton had their Thanksgiving dinner tonight, and, it was okay. A few steps above what they normally offer, but nothing phenomenal. It made me yearn for the real Thanksgiving meal I'll get when I go home and my mom's cooking.

So, November has been National Novel Writing Month; or NaNoWriMo for short (don't ask me, I didn't make up the name). And originally, Alaina and I were going to attempt to write a novel of at least 50,000 words in that time frame; one month. And on paper, it sounds great. And it would have been. I did write about 12,000 words for my second book, and got me started on the ideas that will eventually fill the contents of it, but, as my brain has been mush recently, I haven't been able to get much past that.

I went home with Shelly over the weekend and had this grand plan to work on my book and get a good chunk done so I could feel accomplished. Instead, whenver I got that freaking laptop in my lap, I would start to write, and realized that it was crap that I was writing! So at one point, I remember I reread what I had written and hit the save button and muttered, "Well, that's all going to be rewritten in the future."

So I'm thinking, at the very least, I can keep attempting to plug away at it and try to get ideas down onto paper. The problem is, I don't actually know where some of these events are taking place yet. Oops. Yeah, that's the problem with this grand idea to make my story global. I don't want it to be a steryotypical story of "America is awesome so we only have the superpowered people on our side" idea. I want it to be something that would, idealy, unify the world through seven people that had never met before.

We'll see how that works out. Right now, I really should be working on my book. Which I think I'm going to scrap for now and go to bed, so I can get up tomorrow and go to breakfast since my stomach is gnawing at itself right now for something akin to food that isn't unhealthy, and then write after having some breakfast.

Look at that; I wrote more than one entry for the month. Go me! Let's shoot for another one and see where that takes me.

Quite Bad

I really am. At least in regards to this. I guess I just don't set aside enough time to actually call this a blog.

Okay, so. Life. Yeah, about that. So, I've been at Houghton approximately two months. Give or take a week. And, as weird as it sounds, I feel like I've known the people that have come to inhabit my life in these past two months a whole lot longer than the said time frame. I feel as though I've known them for...years. Or my whole life. It feels bizarre to think of it that way, but I do.

What brings it out? I dunno. I just live here.

But what's attracting me more is the fact that I'm actually growing. Not just mentally or physically, but spiritually. I haven't felt this...alive...in years. I look around a room and I feel God. Last night/this morning Kara and I were in the mood for a late night walk and wound up down by the track field. And God was gracious enough to turn out the lights so I could look up at the stars and have my breath taken away.

A sense of peace - real peace - filled me and I just said, to no one in particular, "Oh God, can I fly up there some day?" Kara answered my rhetorical question, but I don't remember what she said. All I remember is laughing and letting tears fill my eyes at the pure beauty of the night sky. I very well may have seen the stars like that before, but I don't remember it. I could see stars - millions of them - and multiple constellations. It was cold, and the air was chilling to breathe, but I felt so awake and completely in that God spot.

I didn't see any shooting stars, but I felt God. And that's what I needed. I needed to feel him alive in me and not just words on a page.

I've decided that I'm going to have to live somewhere like here - not necessarily here in Houghton or in New York - but somewhere where, on any given clear night, I can walk out onto my porch and look up, and see the stars. I get lost in them, and find in myself the peace of my soul I need. And I'm so thankful for that half hour of wandering around the track dwelling in God's grace and His peace.

I know I haven't reached the peak of my spiritual being yet, because I feel Him often - more than I knew possible - but I don't feel Him all the time. And until I learn that, I can't be the effective tool for the world He wants me to be. I'll get there, I know I will, and I'm content to travel along that path with Him as my guide.

And my future? I'm content, almost happy, at the ability to say, "Here ya go!" and hand it over to Him. In fact, just today, I was feeling His spirit compel me to open up to one of my floormates about my dreams - some of which I've never told anyone about. And it felt good to say, out loud, the things of my heart. Even if they're trivial. It was awesome to hear myself say what I had longed to say for years. I couldn't help but smile as I was speaking, because I could say it, and I knew she was listening.

What a feeling! It's so foreign to me, to speak and be heard. I've felt through so much of my life as though I speak and no one hears me, but all this time I've discovered that He's always been listening and waiting to let me be heard by other people at the right moments.

*Sigh* I could keep going, but for now, I am getting ready to commit to sleep. And I need to go scrub a drawing of a zombie platapus off my arm.

I Need to Vent

I need to get this off my chest before I explode from the overbearing weight of anxiety falling down on me.

So, I spoke to my parents tonight, and the conversation was good. I laughed with them, and I made them laugh, which is good to know that I'm still capable of doing such things. They're glad to know that I'm enjoying school so much and glad to know that Houghton was a good fit, as they thought it would be.

My mom leaves for a few minutes and I'm talking with my dad, which is cool. I'm happy to talk with my dad. But then, I'm sitting there talking, and I mention that my friend already has a boyfriend. About two minutes later, I completely regretted saying anything.

It's bad enough that I don't have a boyfriend. It's bad enough that I'm 21 and haven't experienced half the things I would like to say I've experienced. It's bad enough that I'm terrified of trusting anyone with my heart that I can't even look at guys because I'm afraid that they'll just turn around a laugh that a girl like me was looking at a guy like him.

And then my dad starts talking about it. He begins by trying to sound encouraging, wondering if I'd found any guys I was interested in and if so, what I was doing about it. I told him that I hadn't, and that I really wasn't looking. I'm trying - really trying - to just let that be God's thing. Because I failed so miserably last time, and it's obvious He's the only one who will help me find 'that guy', if there even is one for me.

And then it turned into something where it's my fault. My father, for all his loving ignorance, says, "You know, it is okay for the girl to ask the guy in today's society."

My heart just about broke.

That's all well and good father, but that's not me. Okay? It never has been. I want a guy that will be willing to take that chance. I know it's a vast long shot. That anyone would think that it's worth taking a chance on me. I'm the most average person on the planet. I'm not pretty enough to be popular, but I'm not ugly enough to be ignored. Instead, I just float around, wondering if anyone will ever think about the average looking girl alone the corner.

It's bad enough that my next door floormates all either have romantic interests on campus, or a boyfriend, and my room mate has a romantic interest. My other friends from across the hall all have boyfriends or husbands, or blatantly express a disinterest in men at the moment.

And meanwhile, I'm still sitting here. I can't do this! I can't just walk on up to someone I don't even know and be like, "Hi, wanna go date me?" First off, it screams rejection, and second, why would anyone even remotely attractive want to look at me, let alone date me? I'm screwed up to the core, and I'm so insecure that I don't even know what I'm good at. I second guess every action I make and bury myself in fantasy to escape the reality I hate.

I need a Tyron right now. I just need someone to tell me it's okay and wrap me in their arms and just hold me until it's over. I envy my main character. I want to be her, that's why I can't help but write about her.

That tightness in the chest. It's been growing ever since the last of the girls on the floor told me about the boy she's now attracted to. It shoves me out of the club that everyone on the inside knows the language and the feeling and can sit there and giggle about how they feel, which makes me want to scream in envy. Why can't I be that lucky? To just go for a walk and stumble upon someone that's nice and sincere and cute?

Do I have the bravery to post this? Do I dare to see if anyone reads it, let alone comments? Do I?

Of course I do. Because no one will read it.

Houghton College

If you don't know now, then you haven't known. I'm currently stationed at the lovely little Houghton College in Northern New York state. And, to be brief, it's awesome here. The first night I was here, a bunch of girls from the floor, (who are all transfer juniors by the way), myself included, got together to watch Beauty and the Beast. It wound up setting us all up for becoming a group that goes everywhere together.
It's actually really reassuring. I still feel as though I don't know many people outside of my floor, but in actuality, I'm only a week in and know a good deal of people and am continually walking up to someone I don't know and being like, "Hi! My name's Susan! What's yours?"
And the classes? Phenomenal. Really, these are absolutely astoundingly wonderful classes. At the beginning of each of them, my professors will say, "Okay, before we dive into the lesson, let's just quickly give a word of prayer up to God for the next hour of learning".
Whoa!
I almost screamed, "What are you doing? You can't do that in a school"! And then I remembered where I was, and saw that everyone around me bowed their heads and began to pray along with the professor. It warmed my heart to see so many people - even if it was only twenty or so students - bowing their heads in prayer before class started.
And then my floormates and I went off to be part of the Sunday night worship service, called Koinonia. It's not required, it's not even strongly advised. It's just a community thing that everyone plans to do on Sunday nights. And to see the chapel packed with students worshipping God was...breathtaking.
The only thing that's making me freak out is my writing classes. And it's not because of the assignments. No, it's because in both of them, the professors constantly are asking for us to share our work, or pass it to another student and let them read it and see what they get out of it.
*Gulp*
Yesterday it happened in both my Literary Non-Fiction class and my Fiction class (my fiction class is short stories. I'm not so good with short stories). In Non-Fiction, I had to pass off a reaction paper to another girl and let her read it and, essentially, see what she got from it. Whether or not I was capable of portraying what I wanted or not. The whole time I was sitting there, dreading everything. All that was running through my mind was, "What if she hates it? What if she thinks I'm completely weird? Why do we have to do this? Can't it be anonymous? Can't we pass the papers all around the room multiple times so no one knows who Susan Markloff is and where she's sitting? Can't I leave? Can't I just not pass it off to someone?"
I don't know how she, or my professor, reacted to it. Mostly because she wasn't asked to read about what she thought of my paper. Every time his eyes drifted to her, I felt my heart beat faster in terror. I was, truly, terrified.
And then what's worse, but I had to then go two floors down and read something of fiction I'd written!
Please, my life is boring and I can use that as an excuse in Non-Fiction writing, but in fiction, I'm calling the shots! I can be a terrible writer and no one will care in non-fiction because I can blame in on poor life experiences. But in fiction, I can be a terrible writer and then everyone will know it!
So as I read it, to a small group of only two other people, my hands trembled and my throat became dry. My face got red, I'm sure, because I could feel it getting hotter the more I had to speak. I was waiting for my voice to crack, but thank God it was only two pages long.
I continued to sit there, hoping to anything that I could just black out and not have to sit through the class. But then, to my complete and total terror, my professor - as kind as she seems - told us to read aloud a small section of an exercise we were doing. Taking a deep breath, so as to appear calm, I read my sentence, purposefully cutting it down so maybe it would go unnoticed amongst the others that would follow it, or precede it.
After we were all done, we then were allowed to make comments, whether or not we found something to be interesting that another student wrote. To my surprise, my professor commented on mine, saying that it was a good way to illude to the story's premise.
She looked at me, waiting for me to answer, and I just nodded that she was correct - it was a time travel story. But I was surprised that, in such a short sentence, she chose to hang onto two little words at the tail end of it.
I suppose that this whole experience of sharing what I'm creating is God's way of making me feel more - or less - confident in what it is I wish to do. I hope to be able to come out of this more confident than before. We will see that outcome in the coming years. But I truly have been terrified the past two days, wishing to not have to show anyone what I write. I fear it's inadaquare, just as I am.
Who knows, maybe there's hope for me yet.

The Harry Potter Rant

And now, for the long awaited (WRONG!) rant of mine on Harry Potter.

I do this so then I don't have to continually restate my reasons for finding it hard to understand why Harry Potter is entertaining/amazing/worthy of awards out the wazoo.

Now, as I stated in my Twilight rant, just because I'm writing this doesn't mean that I condemn J.K. Rowling's idea. And just as I enjoy the premise behind the Twilight books, it's the same idea with Harry Potter. I like the idea behind bringing the legends and folklore of wizards and other magic-ish ideas into the modern age. I can actually really appreciate it.

But that doesn't mean that Harry Potter is the greatest work of fiction ever.

Now, before anyone goes and reads this thing, I want to throw this out there; I will be going over things that can be considered spoilers. So if you haven't read all of the books and you don't want the endings spoiled in any way, then you should probably stop reading this. If you don't care, then read on!

The first point I want to make is the idea behind Harry's "unbelievable" power. This was a relatively interesting plot for maybe a book or two. But then it got boring. Especially when we found out why. The only reason Harry has any real power is because Voldemort inadvertently gave it to him. Voldemort is the only wizard at all in the entire series that has any true power unprecedented t the wizarding world. Without that, Harry's kind of a bumbling idiot.

The next point is the idea of the scar. Why a freaking lightning bolt? Because it was easy to have someone make-up on a human being? It's not like she ever explains why it's in the shape of a scar, or even why the scar is important by means of a physical ailment. Yes, I know, it sets him apart, it makes it evident that then he can sit there and say, "Ow! My scar!" But scars don't hurt! It's his brain that's hurting more than anything. A scar is merely a remnant of a past pain. True, this is meant for children, but there are people that are actually in their 30s and 40s that are going nuts over these books.

"Only I can defeat Voldemort!" Why is that exactly? Oh, right, because Voldemort put a piece of his soul into Harry, along with his power. So otherwise, no one can even try to fight Voldemort. Even though, I'm sure that if Harry were the strong wizard that he his (which he isn't), then he'd be able to train and help teach other people about what he knows. Instead, he just sort of sits around and mooches off of Hermione. I mean, think about it, Hermione is the only young witch with any real ability to use spells and be even remotely intelligent about fighting with little pointy sticks.

This then leads to the fact that Harry is, without a doubt, the worst leader ever to have been used in a story where a leader is crucial and important. Seriously, he's the most horrible choice out of everyone in the books. I mean, even Nevil eventually steps up and becomes a strong leader. But throughout all 7 books he's still the same whiny little child that gripes and moans about all of the stupid little things that happen to him. Leaders, true actual ones don't allow themselves to be affected by the frustrating/angering/upsetting/annoying things that happen in life. But instead, Harry lets literally everything get to him.

Take the beginning of book 4 for example. So Harry let's Sirius know about the whole "someone put my name into the Goblet of Fire and now I'm in the game" thing and Sirius, being an overprotective oaf, tells Harry he's coming to Hogwarts right away. A moment before getting this note, Harry had been happy talking with his friends. But the moment he reads the note, he suddenly, out of nowhere, decides that the best course of action is to punch the table in front of him and scream about how horrible he is for having told his godfather about the Goblet of Fire thing.

And thus, we as readers are then stuck with "Angsty Harry" for the rest of the freaking series.

And people want to call him a good leader? How do they see this? I'd love to know where they get that notion. And it doesn't have anything to do with the whole, "He has no choice, he has to be a leader against Voldemort". No, he really doesn't. Technically, Harry makes the choice that he's a leader and the only one who can lead anyone to victory against Voldemort. But in actuality, anyone of the kids from Hogwarts could stand up and be a leader - like Nevil does in the last book. But instead, everyone just goes along with the 'fact' that Harry knows better than everyone.

Okay, Harry's an idiot.

And don't go saying "it makes him believable". No, it really doesn't. It just makes him look stupid. I mean, what 11 year old decides to take matters into his own hands and go after the diabolical madman that's trying to kill everyone in the world? Not even actual stupid children do things like that! Kids in the real world, especially at 11 years old, don't think that they're better then the rest of the world that no rules apply to them. Rules, like when teachers/parents/authority figures tell you to go to bed and stay there, shouldn't be disobeyed. I mean, think back to book number one. When Harry, Mr. 'I'm-the-boy-who-lived-therefore-I-know-better-than-anyone-and-can-beat-a-seasoned-evil-wizard-but-no-one-else-can', decides that he'll take matters into his own hands, go mess with a huge Cerberus named "Fluffy" (how dare you name an awesome mythical creature THAT?!), go risk his best friends lives, risk his own life, and hunt down the man that already almost killed him. If Harry had just stayed in his room, like he was told, then Dumbledore would have come back to Hogwarts and stopped Voldemort or whomever he was fused together with at the time, and the whole thing would have been over!

So this means that stupid children do not grow up to be amazingly awesome leaders in battles for earth!

The next point is the whole "Ron & Hermione" relationship thing. Now, I've already had debates about this with people, and they all say the same thing: "I know they're meant to be together because they end up together in the books!"

Woopdee-freaking-doo. I know that they end up together. I'm not an infant. I did read the books. That however, does not mean that they would actually live a happy, long life together. I say the two together because they'd either have marital problems that led to a divorce or an affair, or they'd kill one another. Seriously; I have never seen two complete opposites like them get together and stay together for the rest of their natural lives. I know that this is fiction and what not, but Rowling did base the story in the real world. So therefore, the logical end to this is that IT WOULD NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPEN.

My last point, because I'm tired of typing, is about the ending. This alone will take a while for me to go on about. The first thing I'd like to say is: a trainstation? With Dumbledore? What kind of crazy kid is this?

Anyway, the final battle. I don't think there's any way that any writer or random obligatory person in general could screw up a great epic battle more than Rowling did in book 7. For those of you that didn't read the books yet and are still reading this, essentially, the whole huge battle that we've been waiting years and books to get to, ends like this: Harry and Voldemort stare at one another, a few minor words are exchanged, they both scream their favorite spell, (which, by the way, Harry was told to NOT do; make a trademark spell), and Harry kills Voldemort.

Seriously, that's how it ends.

I wanted to scream. I had been reading these books for months, waiting to get to the end, sufferieng through Angsty Harry and all of the stupid thing that were randomly thrown into the books, and it took all of a paragraph to finish. I kept flipping the page back and forth, wondering what I had missed. Surely Voldemort would get back up. I mean, it can't end like that. So I continued to read the book and upon reading the last chap - oops, I mean "Epilogue" - I sat in my chair and said to myself, "Yep, it actually ended like that. What a letdown."

I mean, who in their right mind makes two characters that, for like, five books, you claim are really powerful and "neither can live while the other one dies" or whatever, and then have the whole major confrontation go down in a paragraph! You don't freaking do that! You just don't. It's anticlimactic. You've spent books - really, really long books - waiting to get to this moment, and you threw it on the ground and spat on it! I know that a lot of people believe that she got tired of writing the books. Okay, I can understand that, so screw up on the rest of the book. Heck, make me hate the entire first half like whatsherface that wrote Twilight. Don't mess up the ending of what you've already made up in our minds as an epic battle!

Then the last thing is that last, stupid, little sentence. It's been engrained into my brain ever since I read it. "Harry's scar hadn't hurt in 12 years" (or however many years, I can't remember exactly how many). To that I literally said out loud, "Well no duh! Voldemort's dead!" If the cause of the problem is gone, poof, then of course his freaking scar isn't going to hurt!

So please, someone, other than Adam Turck, explain to me why these are your favorite books. Even after all of this.

And for clarification, I have read all 7 books, I have seen every movie that's come out and I will see every movie that continues to come out to theaters (my sister-in-law is a Harry Potter fan). So it's not that I hate the books. I just don't understand the whole "Harry Potter is the greatest" stuff.

STAR TREK

So, yes, I saw Star Trek. My reaction?

It was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, one of the most enjoyable movies I've seen in a long time. The writing truly was excellent. A perfect mix of humor with seriousness and catastrophe. There were a number of times when I was cracking up so much that I almost started crying. I really did love the writing, because they could have butchered it, but did a great job making it entertaining.

The cast?

I think I'm going to have to point them each out individually. Because they were all wonderful. Only read if you don't care about spoilers.

Chris Pine, for me, was a very pleasant surprise. He was amazing in his ability to just make me crack up. There's a point in the movie when he has an allergic reaction and the interactions between himself, Zoe Saldana, and Karl Urban are spot on and a great spot of humor in the middle of the story. I loved watching him play Kirk as he tries to find his way through the world. And the Kobiashi Maru test? Hilarious! Towards the end of the movie, Spock, (Zachary Quinto), is quoting the probability that they will be successful is under 5%. Kirk then says, quite simply, "Spock, it'll work". Pine's delivery of the line sounds remarkably like Shatner. It was a quick trip down memory lane.

Zachary Quinto, as many already know, is someone I respect as an actor from watching him play Sylar on Heroes. Once again he did a great job portraying my favorite Star Trek character - Spock. Seeing Spock's origins was very nice to experience. Yes, we've seen in the show and movies little glimpses into his past, but not quite as much as we were allowed to see in the new movie. But for me, the most wonderful thing to see was the performances of both Zachary Quinto and Jacob Kogan, who played the young Spock. The struggle to find a balance between Human and Vulcan was something that we as fans have never been allowed to see before. It was refreshing to look into a different side of the character. My favorite Spock moment? Hm. Probably when Pine makes Kirk 1st officer and Spock says "Captain, I'm sorry. The complexities of humor escape me."

Karl Urban as Bones. Talk about someone getting the diction down! The moment he started on the screen talking about his "fear of dying in something that flies" and the effects of Angorian Shingles, it was like listening to DeForest Kelly all over again. And like I said when talking about Chris Pine in the allergic reaction scene, he was brilliant. "I can fix that!" I completely believe that he's just beginning to figure out where he belongs on the Enterprise. When Spock informs him that obviously he's going to have to assume the roles of Cheif Medical Officer, and he's already assumed that was the case and took over. It was a step into his role that he didn't need to be told to do, which is so like Bones.

Now, in order to talk about Zoe Saldana, I'll have to take a moment to talk about the whole relationship thing. If I saw her getting together with anyone, it was Kirk. Yes, in the series and the movies they did hint at something possibly being there, but back then, they hinted at everything. The only true reason I actually accept it was her and Zachary Quinto's performances. They made it completely believable. Because of that, I can take what used to be impossible and make it possible. I may not be the biggest fan of it, but hey, if that's the only blip on the radar, then I'll take it.

But Zoe Saldana. She was wonderful. I had forgotten that she had stared in X-Men: The Last Stand, until I watched it again this past weekend. Regarding Star Trek however, I loved the slight pause she gave Pike when he told her to relieve a Lutenent on the bridge. That slight amount of unease was all I needed to see. For the remainder of the movie, she seems much more at ease with her sudden promotion, but at that first moment, where she seems unsure of herself for the slightest second. That meant the world to me. It showed me that she may seem tough as nails on the outside, but inside, she's probably terrified of screwing up. My favorite moment for her was the scene when Kirk runs to her with his allergic reaction. "Oh my God, what happened to your hands?!"

John Cho as Sulu. His introduction was great. Trying to go to warp and forgetting something that only took a second to fix. His reaction was excellent. He just sat there, looked frustrated with himself and pushed a button, "We're ready for warp". My favorite moment for him was probably when Kirk asked what kind of training he'd had and he replies simply, "Fencing". What a great throwback to George Takai!

Anton Yelchin as Chekov. Okay, first off, his accent was dead on. Like, I know he doesn't look quite like Walter Koenig, but his voice sounded exactly like what I remembered from the movies and series! And I totally believed that he was seventeen. His unparalleled enthusiasm showed that more than anything. His excitement at finding out that he knew how to save Kirk and Sulu was so superb. The announcment over the ship about the mission was fantastic!

And Simon Pegg? Do I need to say more? When he said Scotty's trademark line, cheers errupted from the audience mixing with laughter. Which was the case when anyone said a line we all as fans recognized. Pegg as Scotty was a great bit of comic relief. When Kirk first meets him and hears about the failed experiment, I was cracking up. "I'll tell you when he reappears."

Eric Bana as Nero was terrific. A man so misguided by revenge for the death of his world that he can't see beyond the possibility that he had already changed what he preceived as history. But it's compellingly believable. When Pike says that he's mistaken, that Romulus was fine, he screams in both anger and agony, "Don't tell me it didn't happen! I saw it happen!" You half want to cry and half want to kill him. You understand his side of the story, you understand his pain. But on the flip side you just saw Spock's complete torment, (I started crying. Whenever I see Zachary Quinto start to cry I want to bawl my eyes out).

Bruce Greenwood. He has some great lines. Now Pike in the original series only was around, if you count the first pilot, for three episodes. So we don't have much of a feel for him. But Greenwood seems to reach out, trying to bring Kirk under his wing. The relationship that he has with Kirk is pretty wonderful. He does change Kirk's life, and puts him on course to become at least somewhat of the man that we know.

And last, but most certainly not least is the marvelous, legendary Leonard Nimoy. How extraordinary is it to see him back on the big screen? Pretty extraordinary. I loved to see Kirk's reaction to "Spock Prime" and his version of the past. And naturally, when he did the Vulcan salute, I, being the nerd I am, showed the Vulcan salute to the screen. It was nice to see Spock at peace with himself and his duality, which technically we haven't seen yet. I will never turn down seeing Leonard Nimoy on screen as Spock. He did introduce the world to my favorite character.

The last comment; JJ Abrams. I don't think he's ever going to make anything I hate. I think, from here on out, I'm going to just blatently trust him.

The music was...well, I'm a pretty bad person to ask about music from movies. But the theme, I think, was great. Very memorable. All the way down to Philadelphia, the theme was stuck in my head. It's the next score I plan on buying. It was defintely sweepingly epic, and every now and then the slow, quiet, emotional music just displayed that the whole thing was amazing.

Overall, Star Trek was brilliant. The casting was great, the interactions of the team was great, and long live the magnificent seven! Me being crazy was so psyched for the movie that as the music began to play and the Paramount screen showed up, I thought I was going to pass out from excitement. I know, I'm a dork.

I'm sorry if I screwed up the story for anyone. This movie is all I can think about. And I did see it twice in one day. 7pm with the family and a few friends and then 11:40 in IMAX with Tara. Pretty amazing right?

To cast, crew, and everyone that helped to make this movie and ressurrecting Star Trek, thank you!!

It's Late, But...

It's late, and I'm exhausted, and I wish I had more energy.

My brother, oldest of us four, became a married man as of 3 something today. It's exciting and amazing to think that we've been blessed with someone who not only wants to willingly join our messed up family, but on top of that she actually likes us!

I'm completely blown away. As I said, I'm exhausted, and want nothing more than to sleep, but at the same time want to just sit and write for hours in my journal or on this blog about this major change in our family. The first of us is married, and is beginning to look at a house for them to live in. It's unbelievable, and extraordinary, to think that much time as really gone by.

The bride, a wonderful and very, very sweet young woman named Mallory has, as I said, willingly joined our family (and the horror of becoming an alliteration; Mallory Markloff). And, even though she was absolutely terrified at the prospect of getting up in front of people and having to be the center of attention for the day, did an amazingly awesome job. She even let me take pictures of her.

Although I must say that while we were in the midst of taking pictures in the chapel, after the service, her best friend's mom said, "Mallory, put your hand on your hip like you had before, and look like you're disgusted with us."

Mallory replied, "I am disgusted with you."

I couldn't help but laugh. She's got a great wit that just fits so perfectly with our family. I don't think any of us could search the world over and find a better mach for my brother to spend the rest of his life with. She is absolutely perfect for him. And I am so honored to be able to call her my sister-in-law. I've enjoyed, greatly, the past 7 months getting to know her and her habits. And it's been a joy.

My nerves are restless. I truly do wish I were a Vulcan where I wouldn't need to sleep. Especially on days like this. But I, being human, need the rest. Especially after the past week of stress-filled preparation. But thank God for the small things. Everything today worked out perfectly. Everyone was great, and I thank everyone that had a part in it, on behalf of the family. Without you guys, and your tremendous support, we wouldn't have been able to pull this off. Your care, devotion and love to my brother and new sister mean the world to us. From the bottom of my (and our) hearts, thank you.

I may write more later, who knows. But for now, it is late, and I should be off to bed. The next blog will probably be my Harry Potter Rant. I've already written it up, it just need to be typed.

Good night world. And once again, thank you to all :D

Twilight: The Rant

We will now take a moment to discuss something that has become a crazy, uncontrolled cult.

"Twilight"

This series of books, for some reason, has completely overcome the population of American Teenagers, high school students, and even, dare I say it, college students. Even some parents are going nuts over these books. And me, a writer, has to wonder, "Why?"

I know some friends, and even some people that I have come to debate books often with, have come to absolutely love these books. Me? I don't quite understand it. This is going to be my rant on my, apparent, inability to understand why these are "amazing" or "stunning" books.

First, saying that the books are not my favorite and that I find them relatively childlike does not mean that I rebuke the idea Stephanie Meyer (or however you spell her last name) has brought to the world for our entertainment. In fact I quite admire her for her creativity in that aspect. I sincerely enjoy the idea behind bringing the myths of vampires and werewolves into the modern age and incorporating it rather well (at times).

But, that doesn't mean that I own every book and reread them until pages fall out.

My first, major concern with her writing is this; the spelling and grammatical errors that she so frequently has within the full confines of the books. If it were just the first one, I'd look it over, but it's throughout all four! The way she adds comas randomly and occasionally puts words in that do not need to be there, (take note to the back cover of the first book. "unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him"? What's the need for irrevocably to be used in that sentence? Aside for everyone to quote it non-stop thinking it's an amazing bit of literature).

By the time I got to the fourth book, which yes, I did read them all and I did see the movie. I don't judge a series until I've read the fullness of it. Without the full understanding of all the books in the series, (no matter how dull), who am I to write a rant such as the one I'm currently writing? Anyway, by the time I made it to the book three of book four, I wanted to take my pen and start marking up the book I was borrowing. Every single freakin' time that someone said "Yeah, me too", she adds a coma! It's not like, once in a blue moon there's another coma, it's EVERY time. "Yeah, me, too".

Who speaks like that? Do you pause between each word in a three word sentence? I normally don't, not that I'm an example of excellent diction or grammatical skills. Here, I'll explain. When I read "Yeah, me, too", I read it in my head as "Yeah...me...too". Because comas are used as pauses. Otherwise, there's no use for them! Ellipsis (that's what ... is called), are meant to be used as a reference guide. When you see ..., it means that there was more text there, but it was irrelevant to whatever the quotation is. (My dictionary defines it as "omission or suppression of parts of words or sentences").

My second major gripe with Twilight is the...third (?) book, Stephanie Meyer throws a gigantic monkey wrench into Bella's life by having Jacob so obsessed with her, (not that Bella should care, she'd rather have Edward, who stalks her, breaks into her house and watches her as she sleeps than a normal human being), that he's convinced that by kissing her, she'll fall in love with him.

I really would love someone to explain that theory to me. Does that mean that if I want someone to love me, and if we're meant to be together, I can just walk up to them and start making out with them? See, in the real world, (which is where this story is supposed to take place mind you), that would be grounds to have a restraining order put on not only me, but Jacob himself. In theory, Bella could have a court keep him fifty feet away from her, otherwise he could go to jail. I know, I know, it's no fun that way.

Seriously though, when, what, halfway through the book and everyone's like, "newborn vampires, aaah!", and for some reason Bella asks Jacob to kiss her, (I can't remember why, I honstly wasn't paying that much attention), and suddenly, it's like a spotlight went off in Bella's head. Suddenly, out of the blue, she comes to the realization that she's actually, (fancy this), in love with Jacob just as she's in love with Edward.

Because, in parallel skewed reality, you can be "unconditionally and irrevocably in love" with two people at the same time.

Like I said, I would gladly welcome an understanding to this theory. You too Stephanie Meyer! You're welcome to comment! Not that I expect someone like her to be reading a blog by someone like me.

The next thorn in the side of the Twilight series is book two. Yes, the whole thing. Well, maybe not the whole thing. I think I enjoyed a total of three chapters. Yeah, those last three. When Edward came back and there seemed to be a life to the story again. The other majority of the book? I wanted to rip out and burn. It was absolutely horrible.

No one wants to read about a depressive child whining and complaining about how completely and utterly destroyed her life is that "the only man she'll ever love", (even though in book three she realizes she's in love with Jacob too), is gone from her life. I literally wanted to find a way to manifest Bella so I could beat her up. I was tired of hearing about how her life sucked. The whole time, I kept chanting in my head, as if it would somehow change what had already been written in the book, "cry me a river, build me a bridge and get the heck over it". Life sucks, and then you die. Well, not her apparently.

But it wasn't just emo depressive Bella that made me detest reading book two. No, I think what I hated more was Edward, Mr. I'm-so-intelligent-and-wise-from-my-immortal-life-of-forever-that-I-don't-need-to-listen-to-the-woman-I-love idiot. (That sentence took far too much concentration). He blatently ignores her pleas in the beginning of the book and leaves her. Litterally picks up and runs away. Then he's freakin' miserable too. Rather than, oh, I don't know, listen to one another and talk it out, he's wuss and runs away from the problem, rather than attack it head on. He continually acts, throughout the entire series, like he's always going to know better than anyone else.

I know he's stuck at the physical age of 17, but for Christ's sake, mature a little! You're past puberty, and mentally he should be mature enough to handle a situation like this. Or at least get advice from Carlile. I feel like Carlile would be the number one person to address issues such as the ones he and Bella face with. But Edward walks around as if, because he's a vampire and is immortal, that he will forever be perfect and have and understanding beyond anyone else.

Yeah, he can read minds. Woopdie freakin' doo. I don't care. I doubt Bella cared. She was in love with him, and he claimed to be in love with her till the end of time, yet he never actually listens to her ideas or theories or anything! Some "perfect" man.

My final gripe about Twilight: the media hype.

Not that media hype is bad! And not that every story doesn't deserve it's own following. It's more of that everywhere I go it's "Twilight this" and "Twilight that". Enough already! I read the books, I watched the movie - twice at that - and still it's all I see. I walk into Wal-mart and that's all they're advertizing. I turn on my computer and open my e-mail and I've got Borders telling me to get the "best DVD of the year".

Did anyone even watch the movie?

It was, quite possibly, one of the most absurdidly awkward hour and a half of my life - and it wasn't even my life! It was watching this really horribly directed and lighted and casted movie unfold before me. I could feel myself shrinking as the movie progressed, hoping to somehow manifest through the floor and out the door so I wouldn't be seen watching it. It wasn't the worst movie I've seen, (that honor goes to Napolean Dynamite), but it was pretty bad.

Now then. I believe I am done. My next entry will be on Harry Potter. Yes, I know, I may wind up getting run over or shot at or even (heaven forbid) glared at, but I must voice my opinion on how Miss Rowling did such a wonderfully horrid job writing out her stories.

Isn't That the Point Anyway?

As I come home from work, around eleven at night, I find my mom, still sitting up trying to find things for the wedding in less than two weeks. I sit up with her until midnight trying to offer advice, (what little I have) to help ease the situation. I give her a couple of sites online to look at in hopes that maybe, one of them will find something cheap that won't add more stress to my poor mom.

At one point, while looking at her, tired and worn out from the entire situation, I asked "What's the point of this anyway?"

She asked what I meant, and I said, "Well, isn't the whole point of this day we're gonna celebrate be all about Jon and Mallory wanting to spend the rest of their lives together? If that's the case, then why the heck does it matter that we've gotta have fifty dollar tablecloths?" She responded that with something like this, which I finished, "Yeah, appearance is everything."

This, among many other things I can point out, is what makes us as human beings, and Americans, stupid.

Why you ask? Because the whole day is gonna be about my brother finding someone he wants to grow old with - and her wanting to grow old with him! So why in God's name do we have to worry about making sure that we all look nice and that the tables look nice and that the flowers look nice and that the cake looks nice and that we look nice?? Why can't I just show up in blue jeans and a semi-dressy t-shirt? Why is it that if I did show up like that I would be shunned and looked down upon?? Because at a wedding a girl is supposed to be all pretty and have her hair made up and walk around in really uncomfortable high heeled shoes and wear a dress that is obscenely annoying to walk around in and look happy at all moments because at a wedding, girls don't have many options on behavior. You're either smiling because you're just "so happy for everyone", or you're crying because, "everyone cries at a wedding".

Psha. America is stupid. My brother and his lovely and wonderful fiancee should have just eloped. It would have saved a boatload of stress on everyone involved.

Me? If I ever get married, plan on having it on a mountain or in the middle of nowhere with my close friends and family and wearing either blue jeans and a t-shirt or a really freakin' simple dress. Nothing fancy - heck, it may even be something I've worn eight hundred times! But nothing big or crazy. So what if I get angry letters asking why so-and-so and what's-his-face didn't get invited? SUCK IT UP! Weddings are expensive! Not everyone has an endless wallet that only grows and never shrinks. And not everyone can pull one off with their sanity in tact.

My poor mom stays up all night and then gets up early for work and then comes home and worries and works more on this wedding. I feel helpless - which I am - and want nothing more but to smack everyone that says "appearance matters". It does, yes, but it shouldn't. I really, really shouldn't. This day, this coming April 4th is going to be a day my brother and his wife remember for the rest of their lives. So why should it matter what the table looked like or whether the flowers were real? Who cares?? They're happy!

Okay, my fingers hurt from typing so fast. I'm gonna end this rant here. Tune in tomorrow for a rant on Harry Potter and Twilight. That's right fans, I'm gonna obliterate those stories like nobodies business. Why? 'Cause I, like you, am entitled to an opinion.

Rewrite

The next edition of my book needs to be written. Either that or I need to find a way to get in touch with people in hollywood to get the idea rolling. Because I just don't have enough time in the day to write it right now - dang it all.

Jon and Josh's birthday was today, which was fun. I was able to get off work, thankfully, to enjoy the family dinner and then attempting to go out bowling with the guys, Niki, Mallory, Rebecca, Kevin and Elissa. After bowling fell through, we went back home to go about playing a game that I was, basically, terrible at.

Next in line is Nancy, who turns 19 and has been accepted to college at Messiah college. Lord willing, I'll be accepted to Houghton and not be left behind. I think I'd be forced to move out or something in order to keep myself feeling at all the age I am.

This week is spring break, thank goodness. Which equates to me being given the opportunity to sleep a bit. Take tomorrow, for example, I plan on sleeping until nine and then writing - or trying to write - until noon. Eating lunch, then writing again until about four when mom and I will be going shopping for dresses for the wedding.

Yes, the wedding - in less than two weeks. Oh gosh, where'd the time go??

My brain feels like goo. Whenever I get an idea, I don't know, exactly, how to get it down on paper. I've been reading over notes my brother's have left me regarding the first draft of my book and I find it interesting - their comments anyway. Josh's are very uplifting, saying that I've got brilliant writing, some things are really good, while Jon was tearing the book apart. Josh did too, but in less harsh ways.

I find it intriguing. And refreshing, to know that they can be honest with me about my writing and my concepts. Granted, I am only twenty years old and it is my first shot at anything resembling a novel. I hope to anything that this book can be what I see in my head, but I don't know if it'll be what I keep praying for.

I've got some growing up to do first.

I've gotta get going. It's about time for bed. After - of course - watching Star Trek trailers to pass the time until May (Because it's so far away!).

For now, goodnight!

"College is like war. There are periods of complete and utter panic followed by a mass of time filled with tedium."

"So, radiation doesn't have a half life after all."
"It has a half a half a half life."

"Bananas are going extinct. Natural bananas. We eat too much apparently."
"But bananas will still be around right? It's not like in a couple of years I'll walk into a store and ask for banans and be told, 'sorry, they're extinct'."

"My dad is driving one mile an hour under the speed limit in protest of the liberals. He claims that driving that slow is the same as taking away liberals drugs, cappuccinos and abortions. I don't know how, but that's his logic."

"Guys keeping warm is God's way of getting women near them."

"A Swedish massage? They basically beat you up."

Fans. Horrid Fans

As you know, I, am a nerd.

Currently, I am sitting on my computer, watching Star Trek, the original series, occasionally pausing it to watch trailers and interviews for Star Trek XI, coming out in less than two months. I read through blogs, comments on videos, and random sayings on the internet of fans regarding the new movie. Half are relatively open to the new movie by J.J. Abrams, (who, by the way, has never messed anything up), while the other half whine, complain and moan about how terrible it'll be.

Some fans then continue to go on about how any true fan would never watch this movie because it's nothing like the original series. Others go on to say that it's going to be nothing more than a flashy, CGI enhanced movie without any real plot or storyline. They say they'll boycott it by not going to see the movie, by not endorsing it in any fashion.

I want to grab through my computer and smack these people.

I understand; okay? I'm a fan too. Yes, it's not going to be the original series - that's impossible. No matter how much you wish it, it can't be done. But for the love of Christ, please, do not be ignorant and instead, be open to the idea of a new movie, a new take on an old and loved classic. The movie isn't even out yet! If you judge it before it's given the chance to fly, then how is it expected to be anything more than your preconceived ideas?

They'll go to the movie, watch it, and critique it as if they have any power over anything. People like that make me really frustrated. Who are they to condemn a movie? An idea? And upon walking out of this movie will claim it was just as bad as they said and they were right. Then they'll go on to claim that anyone that does like the movie was never a fan - not a true one.

What is a fan then? As fans, people to watch the show and fall in love with it's premise and characters, are we not supposed to be open to any road that the franchise may take us? To continue it and bring it into a new era? A new generation for others to fall in love with, as we once did?

I'd like to think that, as a fan, I should be open to any new movie, or premise, that may come along before I say it was terrible. You can never judge a movie based off of the trailer. It's impossible. I just went to see Watchmen and decided that it fell far shorter than the original graphic novel. But that's just me. Someone else out there will embrace it fully and say it's the best movie ever. Will I condemn the movie and make them feel inferior for liking it? No. That would be, above all things, childish.

This isn't a theory I have based solely off of the Star Trek fans, but the Stargate fans as well. As very few people outside of the Science Fiction universe know, Stargate Atlantis was canceled and instead, a new series is green lit and going to be continuing the franchise. And fans are saying the exact same things regarding Stargate Universe as they are Star Trek XI. What's worse is that Universe hasn't even got a trailer or spoiler to defend itself with! It's in preproduction. And already people are saying it will be the worst thing ever.

It's something that really gets me saddened when I see someone who claims to be a fan of a show their whole life blowing off it's evolution solely because it doesn't fit their idea of what it is. They are one out of a million fans, all of whom have very little control over the overall outcome. The only thing we can do, as fans, is to either make it as great as it could be, or let it drown. If most fans listen to those nay-sayers, and don't go to the movie, yes, it will sink, and quickly. But if we are open to it, it could be the greatest thing to happen to Star Trek in years. Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner have given this movie their blessing - perhaps you should too.

And what's with saying the casting was wrong?

Give them a chance. Give them as actors - who do this for a living - a chance to show you what they can do. Do not be blinded by your own ideals and say that they were wrong. If you do harbor ill feelings regarding the new movie, keep them to yourself until the movie actually comes out. Please, for the sake of those with hope.

*Sigh*

I write this as if someone will read it and say, "Yeah! I agree totally!", but I know that it will go unnoticed. I only wish people recognized what I wrote and took it to heart, but this blog is a speck among millions of others out on the internet.

So to those that did read this; give everything that happens to your favorite TV show a chance before shooting them down. If you truly are someone that lives and breathes a show, then you, as a fan, have a duty to allow it it's chances, and follow it.

But that's just me. Little ol' me.

Thoughts On Life and Death

What is the purpose?

I pondered this question as I strolled into work today. As the rain began to fall on an abnormally warm day, I just began to wonder, in the grand scheme of things, what's the point? Why waste so much time, energy and overall stress on working at school, a job, getting money, etc, when in the end, none of it matters? I am going to die one day. I've accepted that fact and almost, in a way, welcome it. When I die, I'll go to heaven and live for eternity - so why work my butt off earning money that will not follow me into the real life I've been destined to lead?

These are the things I think about on a daily basis. I know; I'm kind of screwed up.

It's just that I don't understand the idea God's got behind me working so hard at school and spending all of my energies towards working so as to be able to pay off said school bills only to have it one day, ultimately, amount to nothing? I know this question will never be answered. I'll probably wonder about it endlessly until the day my heart decides to stop pumping blood into my brain. It's one of the things I can probably never, truly, grasp.

As a human being, I suppose we're just too stupid to understand our own purpose. Our own meaning behind our actions. Finding solace in the fact that God does is enough I guess. I'm just too stupid to admit that it is enough that He's got a better idea what's going on than I do.

As I've said in past entries, I really have come to enjoy TV shows like Bones, Heroes, and Fringe. As I watch these shows, I just have to wonder, do these people, that I sit down to watch on TV every week, ever grapple with the same questions I do? Do they ever contemplate their soul and what it means? Do they ever wonder what'll happen when they die?

I like to think that, eventually, the thought pops into people's heads where they think, "I'm gonna die one day. I wonder what'll happen". But the reality, I suppose, is that most people just don't care. They're content with the here and now and don't want to think too far ahead.

I just wonder how they survive like that.

"I have to poke you a couple of times first. And then when you didn't wake up, that's when I yelled Billy." "I'll just say, 'Hi, my name's Susan, and I'm a robot'." "Here's your new name tag." [holds up a piece of paper that says "Big Mouth] "Hey! Jack of all trades, master of none!" "Get happy." "Football players should not have their heads chopped off and continue to play." "How hard is it to write about yourself?"
"Oh, kajoodles!"
"So, apparently, three things all sound the same; trains, tornadoes, and a raging inferno."
"So what, it's the Father, the Son, and the Niece?"
"Who knows, maybe they [The Trinity] all have special names for one another. Maybe Jesus' special name is...Harry."
"Hey, God loves tone def people!"
"There's no brownie in this brownie."
"And then there's a song in between. It's like a good musical."
"A giant Jesus will come and stomp on people."
"It's only a lie if people believe what you say is the truth."
"Man, I wish I had footnotes."
"I just like how it says, 'the terrible wrath of God, who, by the way, lives forever and ever'."
"You'll love me dangit."
"I walk around and say, 'Hey Mac Daddy'! And no one knows what I'm talking about."

"It's the Devil's Bible?"
"It's the evil Bible."
"What, does it go 'muahaha' when you open it?"

"Everyone knows the song of Moses. In Heaven you kind of just know."
"Yeah, the worship leaders get their guitars and lead us in singing."
"It's kind of like in movies when everyone starts singing along - because they all know the words - and when the song ends everyone goes back to like, sweeping."

"It's the second book."
"That's the beginning."
"No, the beginning is Genesis. Hence the name."

"That's what causes people to commit suicide."
"Migranes?"

"Why do you think no one's allowed in the temple?"
"'Cause it's filled with smoke?"

That Accursed Borg Mentality

Is it so much to ask for people to have their own, individual thoughts? Or must everything be a shared consciousness?

This, of course, is regarding people - customers specifically. I could be standing around, twittling my thumbs, waiting for something to do. Enjoying time to just think, maybe get some cleaning done. And then, out of the freakin' woodwork, everyone decides they need this, that and the other thing, all right now, right away. It's especially frustrating at Copy Center, and what can make it worse is when they all require different machines and time.

It's almost as if people are afraid of doing things alone. Even standing at a counter waiting for something. Everyone seems so terrified of making their own single decision, and would rather walk around aimlessly, waiting for someone else to make a decision and then follow it.

But beyond this, what drives me nuts about people is their inability to admit that they screwed up. Some customers I have to deal with, I'll do diagnostics on or a tune up that tells me I should do a data transfer or a reformat or virus removal, but then they'll say, 'no I can do it'. Then, a couple of weeks later, they'll come in, the computer's crashed, and then they yell at me.

I love it when customers tell me that their stupid moronic ability to not listen turns into me ruining their computer. Even at copy center we'll have jobs like this, where customers get angry at us because they didn't listen to our advice.

I don't get paid and come into work to lie to people. I really don't. I don't sell stuff to people in false senses of security just because I like to laugh about it later when I'm sitting in the break room. We're retail people. Me, my coworkers, my managers, we're trying to help people. But naturally, everyone, in today's society, is so worried about spending too much money that they can't listen to reason.

I wouldn't sell something I don't believe in.

*Sigh*

Anyway, what's new in my life? Absolutely nothing. I spend my time at work and school, sleep very little, and am on the verge of getting sick with whatever has circulated through the house. Next week I start a horse riding class, which I'm looking forward to, but I'm somewhat frustrated at my choice of class times. I'm barely going to have time to sleep. I know I'm going to have to put my book on hold.

That's what's frustrating. All I want to do is write my book, get it into another draft, and then eventually publish it. But I can't do that in school. Not while working thirty-five hours a week at Staples. It just doesn't seem viable. Or healthy.

I'm done for now. Gonna go watch Bones some more before going to work.