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It’s finals week. Wow, what a bizarre thing, to already be at finals week. It constantly surprises me how time can move both exceedingly slow, and yet at super speed at the same time. Who would have thought? I sit here, in my dorm room, and find myself amazed at the fact that, about three and a half months ago, I walked onto this campus, terrified that I would screw up, or not make any friends, of just be in the same spot that I was four months ago.

But the longer I am on this campus, and the longer I am around these amazing people I am privileged enough to call my friends and my professors, I am reminded of God’s glory and His grace. Not only has he given me a multitude of new people that I can call friends, but He’s also shown me what I lost, and He’s shown me how to get back there. It’s hard, but it’s so worth it. To be able to fall asleep and feel love and peace…it’s something that I forgot about somewhere along the way, and I am so thankful to have found it again.

A year ago, I would have been ashamed to write God’s name in a journal entry – how ironic that I should be ashamed of my Father who made me? I still have a lot of growing up to do – more than I originally had thought. But I think it’s good. And I have the feeling that God’s gonna keep me here as long as it’s necessary. I’m still screwing up, but at least now, I don’t immediately blame someone else for the problem. I’ve recognized that I do have an issue regarding school work and getting it done, but at the same time, no matter how many times I screw up. No matter how many times I fall down and say, “Okay, I’m just too tired right now, I’ll get back to you later”, God’s still there. He’s still there with waiting arms.

So I thank God. I thank Him for the abundance of blessings he has bestowed upon me. I thank Him for my family, as dysfunctional as it is, and our ability to love one another and be able to sit down at dinner together and not have harsh words as our only exchange. I thank Him for the continuing blessing of a job, even though it irritates me when I’m there, I hope that the difference I feel will show in my attitude at work, and that I will see him more readily when I am at work. I pray that there has been a difference in me, and that the world will see it. I pray that, even in three and a half months, one group of people can change for the better. I pray that anger and hatred become foreign words and that instead, love and peace will be in their wake.

I thank God. Even as I sit here, dreading a final that has to occur at 8 in the morning today, I thank Him. Because I’ve found Him again. And that alone has made the tuition, the grief, the aggravation, the pain…it’s all been worth it, solely so I could find my way back to Him again. With His arms open, open and waiting for me to come flying back home.

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