So today I was checking my emails (because I have like, four), and discovered I've been accepted to register for a writer's conference in New York City. It's a pretty hardcore one. It's basically four days of me sitting in front of editors and pitching my book.
When I applied for the registration (that's how selective this is: I had to apply to be allowed to register), I didn't expect to make the cut. For one reason or another, I thought I wouldn't be good enough. Either my age or inexperience or whatever was going to limit me in the mind of whomever was choosing the participants this year.
I'm freaked out of my mind! Because I didn't expect to make the cut, I didn't prepare at all. I have about a month, but still. This is the kind of nervousness that chews at my insides and makes me quiver when no one's looking. This isn't where you go to get praise or to get a pat on the back. This sort of conference is where you go and have editors of high end houses sit down and say, "Why should I back your book?"
Now I'm busy mapping out my money and seeing if I can spare $600 for the four day excursion. It's in mid December too, so getting the time off of work will be...tricky. I'll probably have to sacrifice a lot to get the time off, especially since I need a huge chunk of Christmas off 'cause my family's going to Florida.
I have a lot of praying to do to determine if this is the right step to take. I have a few days to figure this out and determine if I can swing the conference. A part of me really wants to do this. The scared child part of me wants to run away screaming.
But I guess this is how it is. I need to have confidence in my book and in my characters. Being published through an actual house (HOLY WOW), would be amazing. I mean...who knows what might happen.
Sometimes, I feel like my life is the one scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, where Indy needs to step into the unknown (literally), before he can find the Holy Grail. This is one of those times where I have no clue if there's a rock ledge to stand on, but I guess I'll step out anyway.
The beauty is, even if I fall, God will catch me. That's always a comfort. Kinda makes me wonder why I shouldn't just take the step. Can't lose anything, right?
Happy adventuring everyone!
Currently [re]Writing: Unity
Currently Reading: Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Currently Listening to: "Ascencia" by Jo Blankenburg
P.S. - You would think I had been searching for the Holy Grail this afternoon. All I wanted was my Chocolate Mocha coffee made by Gevalia. And every store I went to that had power carried every other variety they made, but not mine! I had to settle on something that cost like, four dollars more than I was expecting to spend. This Godiva Chocolate Truffle had better be worth it.
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Friday, November 2, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Music
I write what I see in my head. One of the biggest things that inspires those images in my brain is music. Specifically, of the orchestra kind.
Have you ever heard of Thomas Bergersen? I've had my "listening to" music occasionally fall under his category. He's someone who works for the movie trailer music company called Two Steps From Hell. Recently, he released a solo album titled "Illusions". It's a phenomenal selection of music he's composed. You get a wide range of scores across this album and it's by far my favorite among my orchestral playlist.
There's a song on there called "Promise". I adore it. In that one song, I can fully visualize Agerius and Tilion and End Game and a million other things all related to my books. Music has the ability to, if we let it, convey emotions without the use of words. Especially within finely composed orchestral pieces. I know that the sweeping strings of an orchestra can bore some people. Naturally some genres of music don't cater to everyone. In fact, most genres are pretty selective for certain people.
But I think everyone should give this stuff a chance.
See, as a writer, I think the best way we can gain inspiration is when we're in the quiet moments. When music blasts into our ears and through our bodies and lifts us away from reality and to a different place. A place where only our minds can take us. And I think, in those moments, we can truly feel and see our story unfold and the world embedded in our hearts actually take form.
This might be nonsense to some people. But I think everyone can agree to one thing: music moves people. Whether with words or without them, music has this carnal ability to invoke feeling that sometimes words and pictures can't.
It's been an interesting week. I can only imagine what the coming months will bring. 10 books went to homes this past Sunday, 6 of which were complete strangers. I welcome the feedback, by the way. In case any of those strangers happened to look here.
Happy writing (and reading), everyone! Hopefully in the next day or so, I'll have a new fangled website up for End Game. That's exciting.
Currently Reading: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
Currently Writing: Kind of Unity. But not as much as I'd like.
Currently Listening to: "Beethoven's 5 Secrets" by The Piano Guys
Have you ever heard of Thomas Bergersen? I've had my "listening to" music occasionally fall under his category. He's someone who works for the movie trailer music company called Two Steps From Hell. Recently, he released a solo album titled "Illusions". It's a phenomenal selection of music he's composed. You get a wide range of scores across this album and it's by far my favorite among my orchestral playlist.
There's a song on there called "Promise". I adore it. In that one song, I can fully visualize Agerius and Tilion and End Game and a million other things all related to my books. Music has the ability to, if we let it, convey emotions without the use of words. Especially within finely composed orchestral pieces. I know that the sweeping strings of an orchestra can bore some people. Naturally some genres of music don't cater to everyone. In fact, most genres are pretty selective for certain people.
But I think everyone should give this stuff a chance.
See, as a writer, I think the best way we can gain inspiration is when we're in the quiet moments. When music blasts into our ears and through our bodies and lifts us away from reality and to a different place. A place where only our minds can take us. And I think, in those moments, we can truly feel and see our story unfold and the world embedded in our hearts actually take form.
This might be nonsense to some people. But I think everyone can agree to one thing: music moves people. Whether with words or without them, music has this carnal ability to invoke feeling that sometimes words and pictures can't.
It's been an interesting week. I can only imagine what the coming months will bring. 10 books went to homes this past Sunday, 6 of which were complete strangers. I welcome the feedback, by the way. In case any of those strangers happened to look here.
Happy writing (and reading), everyone! Hopefully in the next day or so, I'll have a new fangled website up for End Game. That's exciting.
Currently Reading: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
Currently Writing: Kind of Unity. But not as much as I'd like.
Currently Listening to: "Beethoven's 5 Secrets" by The Piano Guys
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Tragedy, Joy, and a Little Hope
Holy wow. What a week. And I haven't even reached the week mark yet.
On Thursday night I saw The Dark Knight Rises at midnight showing. The following day I found out about the shooting in Colorado. Not only was I shocked into silence, but it sort of rocked me upon seeing the movie on Friday with some friends. All I can do is pray for both the victims and the man who thought this was a good idea. I simply cannot fathom someone doing something like that. It doesn't compute to me.
The crazy thing is, this sort of insanity jars people into inspiring hope and goodness. For a day, we act kinder. We see the world beyond our sphere. We might even pray and not condemn the God who gives us breath. For about a day, we remember this awful thing, offer up our condolences via social media, and hope nothing like that happens again.
Then the second day comes.
As if waking from a stupor, we go back to how we really are. Tragedy doesn't truly shock our core anymore. It's just part of the world. However, if one celebrity dies through their own stupidity (or through natural causes), it's like the world swallowed salvation. For days we'll get media coverage. People will play their songs, watch their movies, read their books, etc. till we're sick of them. Facebook pours with how horrible it is that that one person is gone.
But a man comes in and kills many, injures more, and it's only worthy of one day? Only worthy of one moment's thought? How have we gotten to this point? Are we that desensitized? Or is it simply that we cannot imagine multiple deaths? Is it that the higher the toll is, the harder it is to believe or what? I don't understand.
But enough of this musing and doom and gloom.
This week is VBS (Vacation Bible School), at my church. We do an evening one, so I'm working morning shifts and then shooting home to eat then I'm off to church till about 9 in the evening. It's a great experience and uplifting to see young kids learning verses, singing songs of praise, and getting excited as the hour arrives to start. I can't help but smile at some of these kids and their enthusiasm.
And because of how sleep-deprived I'm becoming from this past weekend/week, I am boldly going into the realm of coffee. I'm a bit afraid, but I find it'll be necessary tomorrow with my 4:45 wake up call. So tonight I went to experiment at Wawa to ensure whatever I get tomorrow morning won't make me gag.
Niki and I were standing there, talking about what I might try. I've never done this. How expensive is one cup? What's hot, and what's cold? Can I mix flavors? How big of a cup should I get? How tired am I? Do I really want something hot when it's 96 degrees outside?
Then this one man offered help. He pointed out the prices, joked with me about how to get my hot coffee cold, and the like. I went up to pay for my $1.35 coffee and he was two people in front of me. He's paying for his and points toward me and says to the cashier, "And for her too."
I smiled.
That never happens to me! I'm the person that hears about others doing that sort of thing - random strangers paying a bill, offering a hand, etc. It brought this bit of hope into my heart. A random act of kindness. Can we achieve that? What if we all just took a moment, an action, a smile, and gave it to someone else? What if we all decided to buy the next person in line a coffee?
How much greater could this world be?
I pray a special blessing for that one man. Wherever he is and whatever he's doing, I think he deserves a good dose of God's blessing. Because that one action made my tiring, headache induced day a whole lot better.
Currently Writing: Nothing. Just jotting down ideas for the next story (which starts next week!!)
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Awakening" by Chris Tomlin
P.S. - This was my 100th post. Just FYI.
On Thursday night I saw The Dark Knight Rises at midnight showing. The following day I found out about the shooting in Colorado. Not only was I shocked into silence, but it sort of rocked me upon seeing the movie on Friday with some friends. All I can do is pray for both the victims and the man who thought this was a good idea. I simply cannot fathom someone doing something like that. It doesn't compute to me.
The crazy thing is, this sort of insanity jars people into inspiring hope and goodness. For a day, we act kinder. We see the world beyond our sphere. We might even pray and not condemn the God who gives us breath. For about a day, we remember this awful thing, offer up our condolences via social media, and hope nothing like that happens again.
Then the second day comes.
As if waking from a stupor, we go back to how we really are. Tragedy doesn't truly shock our core anymore. It's just part of the world. However, if one celebrity dies through their own stupidity (or through natural causes), it's like the world swallowed salvation. For days we'll get media coverage. People will play their songs, watch their movies, read their books, etc. till we're sick of them. Facebook pours with how horrible it is that that one person is gone.
But a man comes in and kills many, injures more, and it's only worthy of one day? Only worthy of one moment's thought? How have we gotten to this point? Are we that desensitized? Or is it simply that we cannot imagine multiple deaths? Is it that the higher the toll is, the harder it is to believe or what? I don't understand.
But enough of this musing and doom and gloom.
This week is VBS (Vacation Bible School), at my church. We do an evening one, so I'm working morning shifts and then shooting home to eat then I'm off to church till about 9 in the evening. It's a great experience and uplifting to see young kids learning verses, singing songs of praise, and getting excited as the hour arrives to start. I can't help but smile at some of these kids and their enthusiasm.
And because of how sleep-deprived I'm becoming from this past weekend/week, I am boldly going into the realm of coffee. I'm a bit afraid, but I find it'll be necessary tomorrow with my 4:45 wake up call. So tonight I went to experiment at Wawa to ensure whatever I get tomorrow morning won't make me gag.
Niki and I were standing there, talking about what I might try. I've never done this. How expensive is one cup? What's hot, and what's cold? Can I mix flavors? How big of a cup should I get? How tired am I? Do I really want something hot when it's 96 degrees outside?
Then this one man offered help. He pointed out the prices, joked with me about how to get my hot coffee cold, and the like. I went up to pay for my $1.35 coffee and he was two people in front of me. He's paying for his and points toward me and says to the cashier, "And for her too."
I smiled.
That never happens to me! I'm the person that hears about others doing that sort of thing - random strangers paying a bill, offering a hand, etc. It brought this bit of hope into my heart. A random act of kindness. Can we achieve that? What if we all just took a moment, an action, a smile, and gave it to someone else? What if we all decided to buy the next person in line a coffee?
How much greater could this world be?
I pray a special blessing for that one man. Wherever he is and whatever he's doing, I think he deserves a good dose of God's blessing. Because that one action made my tiring, headache induced day a whole lot better.
Currently Writing: Nothing. Just jotting down ideas for the next story (which starts next week!!)
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Awakening" by Chris Tomlin
P.S. - This was my 100th post. Just FYI.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Waiting...
The other day I wished an unofficial cousin a happy birthday. She wound up replying that she was excited about my book. I then replied that I was excited to see where it was God was going to take it. Then I sat back and thought about things.
I've been waiting my whole life to see where God will take this story.
That might be a gross exaggeration.
Regardless, I've been waiting a long time to see where it is God will take the story I've written. At first, when I hit submit on CreateSpace's website and nearly was pinching my eyes shut in terror, I was more scared than anything. But as the days have passed and as I've grown accustomed to my coworkers and friends asking how things are going and many people telling me how proud they are of me, I'm not so scared anymore. It's hovering somewhere out there, but I choose not to acknowledge it.
Now, I'm simply excited. I have no clue where this is headed. I don't know to what end this all will bring me. Only that I've done it. Only that I have faith that this will somehow be a doorway for my future. And if it turns out that this is actually a brick wall, well, then we'll start over. Try something different.
Life is a grand adventure. If we allow it to be.
I'm currently bombarding my room with noise and book-related stuff (poems my friend wrote, artwork, Nanowrimo awards, etc.). Every now and then, I really like when I'm the only person in the house. Later tonight I'm gonna try my hand at drawing concept art again. I'm on a kick with that.
Eventually I need to get back to reading The Once and Future King. August will eventually arrive and as I've mentioned before, I don't feel like just glossing over my next book.
Happy writing everyone!
Currently Editing: Genesis (via physical copy! It'll be a fun copy when I'm done with it.)
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "God's Not Dead (Like a Lion)" by Newsboys
P.S. - There's now a Kindle edition of book 1! Link is on the right for those who want to read digitally.
I've been waiting my whole life to see where God will take this story.
That might be a gross exaggeration.
Regardless, I've been waiting a long time to see where it is God will take the story I've written. At first, when I hit submit on CreateSpace's website and nearly was pinching my eyes shut in terror, I was more scared than anything. But as the days have passed and as I've grown accustomed to my coworkers and friends asking how things are going and many people telling me how proud they are of me, I'm not so scared anymore. It's hovering somewhere out there, but I choose not to acknowledge it.
Now, I'm simply excited. I have no clue where this is headed. I don't know to what end this all will bring me. Only that I've done it. Only that I have faith that this will somehow be a doorway for my future. And if it turns out that this is actually a brick wall, well, then we'll start over. Try something different.
Life is a grand adventure. If we allow it to be.
I'm currently bombarding my room with noise and book-related stuff (poems my friend wrote, artwork, Nanowrimo awards, etc.). Every now and then, I really like when I'm the only person in the house. Later tonight I'm gonna try my hand at drawing concept art again. I'm on a kick with that.
Eventually I need to get back to reading The Once and Future King. August will eventually arrive and as I've mentioned before, I don't feel like just glossing over my next book.
Happy writing everyone!
Currently Editing: Genesis (via physical copy! It'll be a fun copy when I'm done with it.)
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "God's Not Dead (Like a Lion)" by Newsboys
P.S. - There's now a Kindle edition of book 1! Link is on the right for those who want to read digitally.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Leaping, Hoping to Fly
Have you ever heard of CreateSpace? Two days ago, I hadn't.
Apparently, as a winner of NaNoWriMo, I can get 5 free copies of my book. Bound, pretty, and with a cover printed and all sorts of professionalism-ness that I'm yearning for.
The catch is, now it's out there for the masses too. Which means...inadvertently, I have unleashed End Game: Genesis into the world. In theory, I could cancel the account once I get my 5 free copies and maybe travel down this road later on in life. Or, I can just let it sit out there as I search for an editor. Does that make sense? Would an editor want someone who already has the book out for the masses through CreateSpace?
Now, almost at 3 in the morning, I find myself in this tangle of emotions. I'm elated and timid and excited and a little worried and a lot unsure. Have I made the right step? Is this where I'm meant to travel? Have I veered off the path I'm meant to stick to, simply because I'm impatient? Or, by some great grace of God, have I, in my terrified stumbling, wandered right where I need to be?
I simply don't know.
However, I'm not going to lie. When that proof comes and I have my book in professional bound-ness, I very well may scream out loud so high in pitch I won't recognize myself.
Currently Writing: Zero Point
Currently Reading: Auralia's Colors by Jeffrey Overstreet
Currently Listening to: "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real
P.S. - Today is my birthday. Around 7 this morning (only 4 hours away!), I turn 24. Let's hope for another amazing year filled with God's promises and possibly even some unknown adventures.
Apparently, as a winner of NaNoWriMo, I can get 5 free copies of my book. Bound, pretty, and with a cover printed and all sorts of professionalism-ness that I'm yearning for.
The catch is, now it's out there for the masses too. Which means...inadvertently, I have unleashed End Game: Genesis into the world. In theory, I could cancel the account once I get my 5 free copies and maybe travel down this road later on in life. Or, I can just let it sit out there as I search for an editor. Does that make sense? Would an editor want someone who already has the book out for the masses through CreateSpace?
Now, almost at 3 in the morning, I find myself in this tangle of emotions. I'm elated and timid and excited and a little worried and a lot unsure. Have I made the right step? Is this where I'm meant to travel? Have I veered off the path I'm meant to stick to, simply because I'm impatient? Or, by some great grace of God, have I, in my terrified stumbling, wandered right where I need to be?
I simply don't know.
However, I'm not going to lie. When that proof comes and I have my book in professional bound-ness, I very well may scream out loud so high in pitch I won't recognize myself.
Currently Writing: Zero Point
Currently Reading: Auralia's Colors by Jeffrey Overstreet
Currently Listening to: "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real
P.S. - Today is my birthday. Around 7 this morning (only 4 hours away!), I turn 24. Let's hope for another amazing year filled with God's promises and possibly even some unknown adventures.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Foolish Fool
Y'know what I don't do well? Not sin.
Seriously. I am so horrible at keeping myself from sinning. Okay, I guess not horrible. But I am pretty dang screwed up. I can't stop myself sometimes. I know it's wrong and I'll even be thinking as I'm sinning, "This is wrong", but I'm stupid and I don't stop. What does that say about me? I know this kills my heavenly Father to watch me do this. I know I'm incredibly ashamed of it afterward. I'm ashamed of it as I'm doing it.
It's as simple as a lie. I know I'm lying. I know I'm not being honest and I hate myself for doing it. And yet I still do! How absolutely...absurd.
What kind of creature looks at wrong things, says, "That's bad," knows that it just makes us feel awful afterward, and still, despite that knowledge, goes for it? How masochistic are we as humans that we don't know how to just say no?
Awful thoughts enter our minds as we're driving down the road and the person in front of us is driving ten miles under the speed limit. Anger floods our bones at the most inane of situations. Violence screams in our marrow. We tear one another down. We ridicule and defame. As though that'll somehow make us feel better.
We lie. We cheat. We steal. At the end of it all, we know full well it's wrong. We know it's not going to help anything. In fact, we'll regret it later. Yet we still do it. Curse our human nature.
The craziest thing is though that God is still willing to take us.
Why would he want to call me His child? What have I possibly done to deserve being called His daughter? Nothing. But He still does.
What great, unfathomable love.
Seriously. I am so horrible at keeping myself from sinning. Okay, I guess not horrible. But I am pretty dang screwed up. I can't stop myself sometimes. I know it's wrong and I'll even be thinking as I'm sinning, "This is wrong", but I'm stupid and I don't stop. What does that say about me? I know this kills my heavenly Father to watch me do this. I know I'm incredibly ashamed of it afterward. I'm ashamed of it as I'm doing it.
It's as simple as a lie. I know I'm lying. I know I'm not being honest and I hate myself for doing it. And yet I still do! How absolutely...absurd.
What kind of creature looks at wrong things, says, "That's bad," knows that it just makes us feel awful afterward, and still, despite that knowledge, goes for it? How masochistic are we as humans that we don't know how to just say no?
Awful thoughts enter our minds as we're driving down the road and the person in front of us is driving ten miles under the speed limit. Anger floods our bones at the most inane of situations. Violence screams in our marrow. We tear one another down. We ridicule and defame. As though that'll somehow make us feel better.
We lie. We cheat. We steal. At the end of it all, we know full well it's wrong. We know it's not going to help anything. In fact, we'll regret it later. Yet we still do it. Curse our human nature.
The craziest thing is though that God is still willing to take us.
Why would he want to call me His child? What have I possibly done to deserve being called His daughter? Nothing. But He still does.
What great, unfathomable love.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Overly Emotional
Today I was talking with my friend about how last night I was bawling my eyes out at a character death. I was asking her if I had bothered her as she tried to read a book as I sat at my desk a sniffling, blubbering mess. She mentioned that all she really noticed was that I sniffled a lot. I kept most of my emotions on the wayside, constantly stopping and gathering a breath and wiping away my tears so it wasn't absolutely ridiculous.
Anyway, she then asked, "I wonder if like, Tolkien felt that way when he killed Boromear."
"I don't know. It might just be a girl thing. I don't know if guys would be the type to just sit at their computer or desk or whatever and just cry," I said. I thought it over and said, "I'm gonna write a quick Facebook message and see if any of my fellow writing partners might be able to answer that question."
So I did.
First off, people either don't get on Facebook regularly or they just don't pay attention to when I ask questions. Regardless, I posited this question to see if the many guy writers I knew would offer an answer. It wasn't something I needed to know, but I was curious. Was this just me being overly emotional? I mean, I literally do just sit at my computer with my jaw quivering, tears rolling out of my eyes, sniffles hitting my nose and sobs racking my body whenever I kill a character.
It took a little while, but eventually one of my old profs from Houghton (who now works at Taylor University), said, "I normally don't when I'm writing, but - if I've done my work well - I often do cry when I go back and read the scene fresh after some time has passed. If I haven't done my work well, then I reread and think of the craft elements rather than losing myself in the 'vivid and continuous dream' of the story."
Okay. A grown man, well respected among his peers, a good writer, does cry upon rereading - if he's done a good job writing the scene. Not too bad. I can handle that. So I'm not overly emotional.
Not necessarily.
I was unable to obtain any other perspectives as apparently all of my fellow guy writer friends were either unwilling to answer or didn't see my post. The problem of Facebook. Anyway, I actually feel rather strongly about this. As a female and thus I am prone to being more emotional than a guy (just stereotyping, don't mind me), I feel as though if you can't cry at your own character's death, then how could the audience?
It's a justified question I think. I heard once - whether at a conference or in a class I don't know - that if you as the writer can't get sucked into your own story, then how could you expect the audience to? It's true. If the story you've written doesn't captivate you and pull you in as a writer, then it probably won't grab anyone.
I think the same goes for your character deaths.
Guys probably aren't as likely to sit with a box of Kleenex (or Puffs, whichever you prefer), as they read through a sad part of a book. They might shed a tear, but in a manly way. Whereas a girl will grab the box of Kleenex and bunker down for the long haul, expecting to take a few breaks just to clear the tears from our eyes so we can actually read the words written.
Is this a stereotype, or is it simply that girls are 'more in touch with their emotions'? I think that it doesn't really matter. If a scene is written well enough and if the character resonates, I think it'll impact both man and woman, regardless of how they usually react to things like that. Death isn't a fun thing. And as I write for an ensemble cast in Omniscient Third, I try to give the audience a feel for how everyone is reacting to this particular death, not just one person.
In a way, I think it makes the death of a character a) that much harder to write and b) that much harder to read. Because it's not just you experiencing it now. It's not just the character's death that's happened. It's the character's death and the impact that will have on those around them. It's a whirlwind that the author has to do well to control, otherwise it's just a mass of words jumbled together that are supposed to make you feel something.
Now, as I've said all of this, I don't endorse that I do any of it well. Yes, I have brought my friends to tears throughout my series because of various character deaths, but that doesn't mean I handle the situations well. I am, after all, still a young writer. There's a lot left to learn about myself as a writer and myself as a story-teller.
But I'm definitely going to try my best to do my characters justice. After all, to me, they're real and have been for a long time. They aren't just words on a page, they're living, breathing individuals with pasts, presents and futures. They have hopes and dreams and some of them die. And it hurts.
Good God, does it hurt.
Moving away from the long chat about it all: I'm actually rapidly approaching the end of my fifth book. I didn't think it was going to happen this fast. I haven't even come up to a month yet. And at this rate I'll finish it before the month marker hits. Granted, it helps that I started figuring out the last book a while ago and had a lot of it mapped out, but still.
The only thing I can think is that with all of my free time (because I do have a lot of it), I'm hammering away at the book faster. If I didn't have all the free time I've found in the closing of this semester, then having a deadline like this would be insane. Thankfully, I do have that free time.
Here's to finishing the fifth book before next week!
Happy writing :)
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Um. Nothing. Sorry. I'm being a goober and I'm spending all of my time writing. Wait! No. I'm reading a story by a fellow classmate of mine and writer for senior seminar. I guess that qualifies.
Currently Listening to: "Dive" by Steven Curtis Chapman
Anyway, she then asked, "I wonder if like, Tolkien felt that way when he killed Boromear."
"I don't know. It might just be a girl thing. I don't know if guys would be the type to just sit at their computer or desk or whatever and just cry," I said. I thought it over and said, "I'm gonna write a quick Facebook message and see if any of my fellow writing partners might be able to answer that question."
So I did.
First off, people either don't get on Facebook regularly or they just don't pay attention to when I ask questions. Regardless, I posited this question to see if the many guy writers I knew would offer an answer. It wasn't something I needed to know, but I was curious. Was this just me being overly emotional? I mean, I literally do just sit at my computer with my jaw quivering, tears rolling out of my eyes, sniffles hitting my nose and sobs racking my body whenever I kill a character.
It took a little while, but eventually one of my old profs from Houghton (who now works at Taylor University), said, "I normally don't when I'm writing, but - if I've done my work well - I often do cry when I go back and read the scene fresh after some time has passed. If I haven't done my work well, then I reread and think of the craft elements rather than losing myself in the 'vivid and continuous dream' of the story."
Okay. A grown man, well respected among his peers, a good writer, does cry upon rereading - if he's done a good job writing the scene. Not too bad. I can handle that. So I'm not overly emotional.
Not necessarily.
I was unable to obtain any other perspectives as apparently all of my fellow guy writer friends were either unwilling to answer or didn't see my post. The problem of Facebook. Anyway, I actually feel rather strongly about this. As a female and thus I am prone to being more emotional than a guy (just stereotyping, don't mind me), I feel as though if you can't cry at your own character's death, then how could the audience?
It's a justified question I think. I heard once - whether at a conference or in a class I don't know - that if you as the writer can't get sucked into your own story, then how could you expect the audience to? It's true. If the story you've written doesn't captivate you and pull you in as a writer, then it probably won't grab anyone.
I think the same goes for your character deaths.
Guys probably aren't as likely to sit with a box of Kleenex (or Puffs, whichever you prefer), as they read through a sad part of a book. They might shed a tear, but in a manly way. Whereas a girl will grab the box of Kleenex and bunker down for the long haul, expecting to take a few breaks just to clear the tears from our eyes so we can actually read the words written.
Is this a stereotype, or is it simply that girls are 'more in touch with their emotions'? I think that it doesn't really matter. If a scene is written well enough and if the character resonates, I think it'll impact both man and woman, regardless of how they usually react to things like that. Death isn't a fun thing. And as I write for an ensemble cast in Omniscient Third, I try to give the audience a feel for how everyone is reacting to this particular death, not just one person.
In a way, I think it makes the death of a character a) that much harder to write and b) that much harder to read. Because it's not just you experiencing it now. It's not just the character's death that's happened. It's the character's death and the impact that will have on those around them. It's a whirlwind that the author has to do well to control, otherwise it's just a mass of words jumbled together that are supposed to make you feel something.
Now, as I've said all of this, I don't endorse that I do any of it well. Yes, I have brought my friends to tears throughout my series because of various character deaths, but that doesn't mean I handle the situations well. I am, after all, still a young writer. There's a lot left to learn about myself as a writer and myself as a story-teller.
But I'm definitely going to try my best to do my characters justice. After all, to me, they're real and have been for a long time. They aren't just words on a page, they're living, breathing individuals with pasts, presents and futures. They have hopes and dreams and some of them die. And it hurts.
Good God, does it hurt.
Moving away from the long chat about it all: I'm actually rapidly approaching the end of my fifth book. I didn't think it was going to happen this fast. I haven't even come up to a month yet. And at this rate I'll finish it before the month marker hits. Granted, it helps that I started figuring out the last book a while ago and had a lot of it mapped out, but still.
The only thing I can think is that with all of my free time (because I do have a lot of it), I'm hammering away at the book faster. If I didn't have all the free time I've found in the closing of this semester, then having a deadline like this would be insane. Thankfully, I do have that free time.
Here's to finishing the fifth book before next week!
Happy writing :)
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Um. Nothing. Sorry. I'm being a goober and I'm spending all of my time writing. Wait! No. I'm reading a story by a fellow classmate of mine and writer for senior seminar. I guess that qualifies.
Currently Listening to: "Dive" by Steven Curtis Chapman
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Something Happy
I'm sick of sitting at my computer crying at all hours of the night. I think after I'm done writing my book series, I'm going to write a memoir of sorts. Not necessarily just of my own. I guess it wouldn't be a memoir. I'm not sure what it would be exactly. Just a collection of stories about my family. That would be fun. That would make me laugh far more often than it would make me cry.
So I'm plugging away at my fifth book. I don't rightly know how far into it I am in relation to where the end is, but I know that I'm making headway. I wrote two chapters yesterday, I wrote another two today, and hopefully I can hammer out two more tomorrow. If I keep this up, there's a good chance I'll be done by the weekend of the 5th, which is my unofficial, "Holy crap, you're really going to try this?" deadline. My official "Holy crap, you're really going to try this?" is Graduation. But we'll see about that.
I need to design a magazine cover for my final in Graphic Design and I don't know what to do with it. The little blurbs meant for article stuff on the inside of the magazine are supposed to tell people about me. But I don't know what to write. At first I was just gonna do what everyone does: take a picture of myself and put it on the cover and pretend like one day I'll be semi-successful.
But then my prof saw a photo I had taken of my second book title page and said it was really interesting and he liked that direction. I don't know what to do with it because I was just playing around for kicks.
I've never been good at talking about myself. This blog is the closest I've ever come and mostly I treat it like an online journal. I know few people read it so I never really feel like I'm actually talking about myself. I just come on here and write about my day or my week or whatever. No one actually reads it. Which is fine by me. It gives me something to do when I need to take a break from crying.
Now though, I need to talk about myself and sound assertive, but not egotistical. I need to sound assured, but not cocky. I need to tell people about myself while titling the make believe magazine "The Writing Corner". What else would a magazine by writers, for writers talk about but writing? Reality and a project very rarely co-mingle, and I'm seeing why.
Oh well. I'll figure something out. I've got a few hours tomorrow blocked out for messing around in the computer lab. Maybe I'll be semi-successful.
Happy writing!
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Still Eldest, by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "The Burning Bush" from The Prince of Egypt soundtrack
So I'm plugging away at my fifth book. I don't rightly know how far into it I am in relation to where the end is, but I know that I'm making headway. I wrote two chapters yesterday, I wrote another two today, and hopefully I can hammer out two more tomorrow. If I keep this up, there's a good chance I'll be done by the weekend of the 5th, which is my unofficial, "Holy crap, you're really going to try this?" deadline. My official "Holy crap, you're really going to try this?" is Graduation. But we'll see about that.
I need to design a magazine cover for my final in Graphic Design and I don't know what to do with it. The little blurbs meant for article stuff on the inside of the magazine are supposed to tell people about me. But I don't know what to write. At first I was just gonna do what everyone does: take a picture of myself and put it on the cover and pretend like one day I'll be semi-successful.
But then my prof saw a photo I had taken of my second book title page and said it was really interesting and he liked that direction. I don't know what to do with it because I was just playing around for kicks.
I've never been good at talking about myself. This blog is the closest I've ever come and mostly I treat it like an online journal. I know few people read it so I never really feel like I'm actually talking about myself. I just come on here and write about my day or my week or whatever. No one actually reads it. Which is fine by me. It gives me something to do when I need to take a break from crying.
Now though, I need to talk about myself and sound assertive, but not egotistical. I need to sound assured, but not cocky. I need to tell people about myself while titling the make believe magazine "The Writing Corner". What else would a magazine by writers, for writers talk about but writing? Reality and a project very rarely co-mingle, and I'm seeing why.
Oh well. I'll figure something out. I've got a few hours tomorrow blocked out for messing around in the computer lab. Maybe I'll be semi-successful.
Happy writing!
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Still Eldest, by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "The Burning Bush" from The Prince of Egypt soundtrack
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Not Very Good at Math
So I finished my fourth book yesterday morning.
In the incredibly early morning hours, I chronicled the stories of my characters through their fourth book. I called it quits around 4:45 am because I felt spent. If I hadn't been crying for hours on end, I probably could have plugged away through all day yesterday. But, as I knew it would be, I was bawling my eyes out pretty well from 12:30 till I wrote the last sentence of the book.
Why you might ask? It's fairly simple really: I was writing sad things. Character deaths were popping up all around every corner and, as I write an ensemble cast, I write the impact that death has on everyone still alive. It's never a fun experience. As I mentioned in the previous post, killing characters is like killing a part of yourself. If anyone found it easy, I imagine they wouldn't be a very good writer because they wouldn't be able to relay the feelings of the characters to the audience.
I like to think that, in bawling my eyes out and feeling like someone just killed my puppy, I'm relating to my characters. Therefore by that, I am then relating the audience to the characters. Ultimately it will be determined when my friends and family members read the book. According to my friends, they've been impacted pretty hard by the previous character deaths, so I can only imagine how this one is going to play out.
Today, on the way to a hair appointment, I was telling my mom that I couldn't really fathom what was going on. Let me lay this out for those of you just joining in: Less than one year ago, one of my greatest friends texted me. About a week after she ranted about how much she (a non-fantasy reader), loved my first book, she sent me a poem based upon the first book.
To inspire someone is, I think, the ultimate goal of every author. With that knowledge that my friend felt led to write a poem about my book, I suddenly was fueled to write the second book. In under two months, I finished book 2 and rolled right on into the semester with a fire to write book 3. By the new year, I had finished book 3. From my brother's comments, I rewrote my first book, finishing by early February, all the while writing a novella for my senior seminar class.
And now, only a little over a month after finishing my novella, I finished book 4.
With only one book left to go in the overall story arch (because there's potential for 7 spin off novellas, 2 prequels and a plethora of stand-alone books based on the world), I have to wonder how this has happened. If you had told me a year ago that I was going to write three books, rewrite my first book and write a novella, all in less than a year, I would have punched you and cried that you were mean.
And yet, somehow, here I sit. Four books. Four books and one novella. How...? How did we get here? When did the tomorrow turn into the today? What a crazy phenomenon - the passing of time and the progression of a dream.
With accomplishment and approval at my back, I want to stride forward into the fifth (FIFTH! And it's the final one! Holy wow!), and complete the series. I want to get what's in my head out on paper. I want to see all five books stacked in a pile of paper and words and thoughts and story. Already knowing what the first three manuscripts looked like, a smile plays on my face. This crazy scenario I find myself in is surreal. It doesn't feel possible, and yet somehow, it is.
I like to think that God is blessing me with this. I haven't a clue where He's taking me, but I'm excited. A little nervous from time to time, but mostly, I'm excited. The writing life is an epic adventure of happiness if we allow it to be.
One more. Just go one more.
Smile people. Because the sunrise can be painted in your own world. Don't mind me as I go off and paint mine :)
Currently Writing (add-ons): Alaster
Currently Reading: Eldest by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "A Thousand Miles" the Boyce Avenue Cover
In the incredibly early morning hours, I chronicled the stories of my characters through their fourth book. I called it quits around 4:45 am because I felt spent. If I hadn't been crying for hours on end, I probably could have plugged away through all day yesterday. But, as I knew it would be, I was bawling my eyes out pretty well from 12:30 till I wrote the last sentence of the book.
Why you might ask? It's fairly simple really: I was writing sad things. Character deaths were popping up all around every corner and, as I write an ensemble cast, I write the impact that death has on everyone still alive. It's never a fun experience. As I mentioned in the previous post, killing characters is like killing a part of yourself. If anyone found it easy, I imagine they wouldn't be a very good writer because they wouldn't be able to relay the feelings of the characters to the audience.
I like to think that, in bawling my eyes out and feeling like someone just killed my puppy, I'm relating to my characters. Therefore by that, I am then relating the audience to the characters. Ultimately it will be determined when my friends and family members read the book. According to my friends, they've been impacted pretty hard by the previous character deaths, so I can only imagine how this one is going to play out.
Today, on the way to a hair appointment, I was telling my mom that I couldn't really fathom what was going on. Let me lay this out for those of you just joining in: Less than one year ago, one of my greatest friends texted me. About a week after she ranted about how much she (a non-fantasy reader), loved my first book, she sent me a poem based upon the first book.
To inspire someone is, I think, the ultimate goal of every author. With that knowledge that my friend felt led to write a poem about my book, I suddenly was fueled to write the second book. In under two months, I finished book 2 and rolled right on into the semester with a fire to write book 3. By the new year, I had finished book 3. From my brother's comments, I rewrote my first book, finishing by early February, all the while writing a novella for my senior seminar class.
And now, only a little over a month after finishing my novella, I finished book 4.
With only one book left to go in the overall story arch (because there's potential for 7 spin off novellas, 2 prequels and a plethora of stand-alone books based on the world), I have to wonder how this has happened. If you had told me a year ago that I was going to write three books, rewrite my first book and write a novella, all in less than a year, I would have punched you and cried that you were mean.
And yet, somehow, here I sit. Four books. Four books and one novella. How...? How did we get here? When did the tomorrow turn into the today? What a crazy phenomenon - the passing of time and the progression of a dream.
With accomplishment and approval at my back, I want to stride forward into the fifth (FIFTH! And it's the final one! Holy wow!), and complete the series. I want to get what's in my head out on paper. I want to see all five books stacked in a pile of paper and words and thoughts and story. Already knowing what the first three manuscripts looked like, a smile plays on my face. This crazy scenario I find myself in is surreal. It doesn't feel possible, and yet somehow, it is.
I like to think that God is blessing me with this. I haven't a clue where He's taking me, but I'm excited. A little nervous from time to time, but mostly, I'm excited. The writing life is an epic adventure of happiness if we allow it to be.
One more. Just go one more.
Smile people. Because the sunrise can be painted in your own world. Don't mind me as I go off and paint mine :)
Currently Writing (add-ons): Alaster
Currently Reading: Eldest by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "A Thousand Miles" the Boyce Avenue Cover
Monday, April 2, 2012
Oh, Okay.
So, according to the outline for my fourth book, I only have 3 chapters and an epilogue left until I've finished.
Hmm.
At this current moment in time, this book will be the shortest out of all of the ones I've written for the series. Not counting my novella of course. Right now I think I'm just shy of 70,000 words for the novel. If I had to guess, I might just crack over 80,000 - if I'm lucky.
Now is that a bad thing? Having your second to last book of a series be the shortest of them all? I really don't know. At the moment I feel as though I'm running straight into the book, so it's likely that I need to go back, write a whole new introductory chapter for the book and then pick up after that. I mean, a chapter might only add about 2,000 words, but it might be enough that I don't feel like a silly person.
I suppose I could look at moving bits of book two to book three and bits of book three to book four. But I don't like that idea. This could change, naturally, but at the moment, I really like where I chose to end each of the books. I guess the beauty of writing in today's world is the fact that you can always go back and change things.
With only three chapters left (according to my outline. Which is likely to be off), I find myself dragging my feet to finish it. I know precisely why. I'm coming up to a character death. Those are never fun. I've been killing characters since the second book, maiming characters since the third, and brutally harming them all since the first. I guess you could say I'm not very nice to my characters sometimes.
Despite putting them all through very real scenarios and suffering in very real ways, I'm not looking forward to this one. Character deaths are always difficult. Any writer (or storyteller in general), knows that. When you take the time to develop characters, it's hard to essentially banish them from your thoughts again. And I think for writers of series books, it's even harder.
When you write a book series (or a movie series I suppose), you've spent an inordinately long amount of time with a group of characters. For me, I've spent years, probably close to ten years, with these characters. It's a hard experience to take a personality that's been in your head for so long that you can't even tell when they appeared and then suddenly make them disappear. Their voice can't pop back into your head willy-nilly because...well, you've killed them.
Even though, as the writer, I know in the end everything's okay, I don't want to experience this. Last time I wrote a character's death, I sat like a lump on a log for a week and couldn't move forward. I practically cried myself to sleep. In the second book when I killed characters, I was bawling at my desk at all hours, wishing I didn't have to do this.
That then raises the ultimate question: does the character have to die?
It's an important juncture to reach as a writer. If you an answer that question with an honest answer that it does benefit the story and it does serve a purpose, then you're okay. But you can't just have characters dying for kicks or to show "how dangerous the situation is." On one hand, yes, the reader needs to know just how drastic the scenario is that you've placed your characters in. However, sometimes I think people get carried away.
For instance, with Harry Potter, I found some of the deaths to be meaningful and have a purpose. I understand Rowling's problem though: when you have a major final battle, you can't just have everyone you've ever met walk off the field with some nicks and cuts. On the flip side though, things are a little ridiculous when you go so far as to kill both Harry's owl and his wand.
Then on the opposite end of the spectrum, you have Twilight. When people should die, they die. If a battle is talked about and prepared for but then in the end, everyone talks and it's all okay and nothing happens, that's not only unrealistic, it's boring.
The goal is to find the happy medium. It's a hard thing to accomplish. You can't just have everyone live. That's boring and unrealistic. Yet you can't have everyone die. That's also unrealistic. There need to be stakes and there needs to be risks, but at the same time, a chunk of your characters can survive the bloodshed. After all, someone's gotta be around to tell the story afterwards, right?
I think (in my limited view point), I've done a good job determining who should die and who should live. I also think that those that survive suffer enough from either emotional or physical damages that it's obvious everyone was effected somehow. At least, that's the hope. There's always the knowledge that I might have screwed up somehow.
But, like I said before, that's the beauty of writing. I can always change it. There's always the ability to edit. And when all five books have been written and I get the overall feedback from my friends and family members, then I'll do an overhaul of the series. I do want to make this the best story I can write, so that's what I'm gonna do.
Let's just see how well I can do that.
Currently Writing: Unseen
Currently Reading: Eldest by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "There's a Place for Us" by Carrie Underwood
Hmm.
At this current moment in time, this book will be the shortest out of all of the ones I've written for the series. Not counting my novella of course. Right now I think I'm just shy of 70,000 words for the novel. If I had to guess, I might just crack over 80,000 - if I'm lucky.
Now is that a bad thing? Having your second to last book of a series be the shortest of them all? I really don't know. At the moment I feel as though I'm running straight into the book, so it's likely that I need to go back, write a whole new introductory chapter for the book and then pick up after that. I mean, a chapter might only add about 2,000 words, but it might be enough that I don't feel like a silly person.
I suppose I could look at moving bits of book two to book three and bits of book three to book four. But I don't like that idea. This could change, naturally, but at the moment, I really like where I chose to end each of the books. I guess the beauty of writing in today's world is the fact that you can always go back and change things.
With only three chapters left (according to my outline. Which is likely to be off), I find myself dragging my feet to finish it. I know precisely why. I'm coming up to a character death. Those are never fun. I've been killing characters since the second book, maiming characters since the third, and brutally harming them all since the first. I guess you could say I'm not very nice to my characters sometimes.
Despite putting them all through very real scenarios and suffering in very real ways, I'm not looking forward to this one. Character deaths are always difficult. Any writer (or storyteller in general), knows that. When you take the time to develop characters, it's hard to essentially banish them from your thoughts again. And I think for writers of series books, it's even harder.
When you write a book series (or a movie series I suppose), you've spent an inordinately long amount of time with a group of characters. For me, I've spent years, probably close to ten years, with these characters. It's a hard experience to take a personality that's been in your head for so long that you can't even tell when they appeared and then suddenly make them disappear. Their voice can't pop back into your head willy-nilly because...well, you've killed them.
Even though, as the writer, I know in the end everything's okay, I don't want to experience this. Last time I wrote a character's death, I sat like a lump on a log for a week and couldn't move forward. I practically cried myself to sleep. In the second book when I killed characters, I was bawling at my desk at all hours, wishing I didn't have to do this.
That then raises the ultimate question: does the character have to die?
It's an important juncture to reach as a writer. If you an answer that question with an honest answer that it does benefit the story and it does serve a purpose, then you're okay. But you can't just have characters dying for kicks or to show "how dangerous the situation is." On one hand, yes, the reader needs to know just how drastic the scenario is that you've placed your characters in. However, sometimes I think people get carried away.
For instance, with Harry Potter, I found some of the deaths to be meaningful and have a purpose. I understand Rowling's problem though: when you have a major final battle, you can't just have everyone you've ever met walk off the field with some nicks and cuts. On the flip side though, things are a little ridiculous when you go so far as to kill both Harry's owl and his wand.
Then on the opposite end of the spectrum, you have Twilight. When people should die, they die. If a battle is talked about and prepared for but then in the end, everyone talks and it's all okay and nothing happens, that's not only unrealistic, it's boring.
The goal is to find the happy medium. It's a hard thing to accomplish. You can't just have everyone live. That's boring and unrealistic. Yet you can't have everyone die. That's also unrealistic. There need to be stakes and there needs to be risks, but at the same time, a chunk of your characters can survive the bloodshed. After all, someone's gotta be around to tell the story afterwards, right?
I think (in my limited view point), I've done a good job determining who should die and who should live. I also think that those that survive suffer enough from either emotional or physical damages that it's obvious everyone was effected somehow. At least, that's the hope. There's always the knowledge that I might have screwed up somehow.
But, like I said before, that's the beauty of writing. I can always change it. There's always the ability to edit. And when all five books have been written and I get the overall feedback from my friends and family members, then I'll do an overhaul of the series. I do want to make this the best story I can write, so that's what I'm gonna do.
Let's just see how well I can do that.
Currently Writing: Unseen
Currently Reading: Eldest by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "There's a Place for Us" by Carrie Underwood
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