Ever feel like you just can't do anymore? That you're simply done, and it doesn't matter how hard you fight or how long you struggle or how well you perform. It's finished. You're tired and sick and broken and you don't want to hear the excuses anymore. You just want whatever is supposed to happen to happen and to move on from the growing pit of anxiety and fear and depression that swells in your stomach.
Every day, I go to work and I try my hardest. I do what I can. It might not always be the best and I might not always do what someone high up in the stratosphere thinks I should do, but I do what I can. I attempt to smile and laugh. I try to offer encouragement to my coworkers. I keep my mouth shut to the best of my ability and I try to remain optimistic.
Y'know what sucks? Reality.
When I was young, I had this great idea that somehow, in some way, I might help change lives. That somehow I was gonna get published and that somehow, it would be something to someone. As I get older and as I struggle more against the world I find myself living in, I reach boiling points.
Today I reached a boiling point.
What do I do? What am I expected to do? Everyone tells me what they want, what they claim their ideal is. But when I stop and look around, I see those who aren't even trying reaping far more benefits then I could ever imagine. What have I done? How did I go wrong this time?
Will no one tell me what I did wrong? And can the reasons you give please be legitimate and not some on-the-spot, sorry-you-caught-me-with-my-pants-down excuse?
I hope your adventures have been better than mine was today. Gosh does Satan know how to attack harshly, even when I feel most prepared.
Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "Beautiful Things" by Gungor
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