Overly Emotional

Today I was talking with my friend about how last night I was bawling my eyes out at a character death. I was asking her if I had bothered her as she tried to read a book as I sat at my desk a sniffling, blubbering mess. She mentioned that all she really noticed was that I sniffled a lot. I kept most of my emotions on the wayside, constantly stopping and gathering a breath and wiping away my tears so it wasn't absolutely ridiculous.

Anyway, she then asked, "I wonder if like, Tolkien felt that way when he killed Boromear."

"I don't know. It might just be a girl thing. I don't know if guys would be the type to just sit at their computer or desk or whatever and just cry," I said. I thought it over and said, "I'm gonna write a quick Facebook message and see if any of my fellow writing partners might be able to answer that question."

So I did.

First off, people either don't get on Facebook regularly or they just don't pay attention to when I ask questions. Regardless, I posited this question to see if the many guy writers I knew would offer an answer. It wasn't something I needed to know, but I was curious. Was this just me being overly emotional? I mean, I literally do just sit at my computer with my jaw quivering, tears rolling out of my eyes, sniffles hitting my nose and sobs racking my body whenever I kill a character.

It took a little while, but eventually one of my old profs from Houghton (who now works at Taylor University), said, "I normally don't when I'm writing, but - if I've done my work well - I often do cry when I go back and read the scene fresh after some time has passed. If I haven't done my work well, then I reread and think of the craft elements rather than losing myself in the 'vivid and continuous dream' of the story."

Okay. A grown man, well respected among his peers, a good writer, does cry upon rereading - if he's done a good job writing the scene. Not too bad. I can handle that. So I'm not overly emotional.

Not necessarily.

I was unable to obtain any other perspectives as apparently all of my fellow guy writer friends were either unwilling to answer or didn't see my post. The problem of Facebook. Anyway, I actually feel rather strongly about this. As a female and thus I am prone to being more emotional than a guy (just stereotyping, don't mind me), I feel as though if you can't cry at your own character's death, then how could the audience?

It's a justified question I think. I heard once - whether at a conference or in a class I don't know - that if you as the writer can't get sucked into your own story, then how could you expect the audience to? It's true. If the story you've written doesn't captivate you and pull you in as a writer, then it probably won't grab anyone.

I think the same goes for your character deaths.

Guys probably aren't as likely to sit with a box of Kleenex (or Puffs, whichever you prefer), as they read through a sad part of a book. They might shed a tear, but in a manly way. Whereas a girl will grab the box of Kleenex and bunker down for the long haul, expecting to take a few breaks just to clear the tears from our eyes so we can actually read the words written.

Is this a stereotype, or is it simply that girls are 'more in touch with their emotions'? I think that it doesn't really matter. If a scene is written well enough and if the character resonates, I think it'll impact both man and woman, regardless of how they usually react to things like that. Death isn't a fun thing. And as I write for an ensemble cast in Omniscient Third, I try to give the audience a feel for how everyone is reacting to this particular death, not just one person.

In a way, I think it makes the death of a character a) that much harder to write and b) that much harder to read. Because it's not just you experiencing it now. It's not just the character's death that's happened. It's the character's death and the impact that will have on those around them. It's a whirlwind that the author has to do well to control, otherwise it's just a mass of words jumbled together that are supposed to make you feel something.

Now, as I've said all of this, I don't endorse that I do any of it well. Yes, I have brought my friends to tears throughout my series because of various character deaths, but that doesn't mean I handle the situations well. I am, after all, still a young writer. There's a lot left to learn about myself as a writer and myself as a story-teller.

But I'm definitely going to try my best to do my characters justice. After all, to me, they're real and have been for a long time. They aren't just words on a page, they're living, breathing individuals with pasts, presents and futures. They have hopes and dreams and some of them die. And it hurts.

Good God, does it hurt.

Moving away from the long chat about it all: I'm actually rapidly approaching the end of my fifth book. I didn't think it was going to happen this fast. I haven't even come up to a month yet. And at this rate I'll finish it before the month marker hits. Granted, it helps that I started figuring out the last book a while ago and had a lot of it mapped out, but still.

The only thing I can think is that with all of my free time (because I do have a lot of it), I'm hammering away at the book faster. If I didn't have all the free time I've found in the closing of this semester, then having a deadline like this would be insane. Thankfully, I do have that free time.

Here's to finishing the fifth book before next week!

Happy writing :)

Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Um. Nothing. Sorry. I'm being a goober and I'm spending all of my time writing. Wait! No. I'm reading a story by a fellow classmate of mine and writer for senior seminar. I guess that qualifies.
Currently Listening to: "Dive" by Steven Curtis Chapman