Graduation

"As we go on, we remember, all the things we, did together..."

I really don't like that song. In fact, I don't know anyone who likes that song. But my friend Amy kept singing it as graduation approached last year and now, I find it popping into my head from time to time.

While visiting Corning this weekend with my parents, I attempted to explain to them how I feel about graduation. I'm not necessarily worried about the future because, well, as perfectly cliche as it sounds, God's got it all figured out. He'll land me where I need to be, so long as I keep searching for where that landing site is. So I'm not worried about that. I'm not worried about money or having a job or even whether or not my books get published. That'll all come in their due times.

The thing that bums me out about graduation is that I'll be back home, in Sellersville, away from everyone I've gotten the opportunity to meet and know in my three years at Houghton. I'll be six hours away from a majority of my friends, while a few of them will require plane rides to even appear that short. I like to think that in Heaven, there aren't long trips to see friends, that we're always awarded the opportunity to see one another. At least, that's what I would like.

My friend Kara stopped in for a bit tonight, dropping off my roommate Janelle, before she turned around and drove back to Buffalo. In the process of hanging out with us for an hour, she reminded me why I enjoyed having her as a friend so very much, and why I'll miss seeing her even on a semi-monthly basis. She was excited about my fourth book and clutched it to herself when I handed her the draft. She then began to exclaim about how much she wanted her day off to come so she could read it.

When I'm down or feel like the worst writer ever, she's there to remind me that I have talent (however minimal it may be in my own eyes). She's one of the few people I feel really believes in me and encourages me along the way, and I'm incredibly blessed to have her as a friend.

Yesterday I was texting my friend Dana for the better part of an hour, and I was telling her that I'm worried about disappointing my heavenly father. Even though I really want to pursue publishing soon, I'm terrified about taking that step, solely because somewhere in my brain I ask, "Is this really what God wants me to be doing? What if I'm wrong?". Dana then texted me, "That fear can either help you stay on His path or keep you from fulfilling His true dreams for you. Something that I like to remember is that God is the one who put my truest dreams in my heart to begin with :)"

See? I have friends that push me forward even when my stupid feet get cemented to the ground.

And after May 12...they'll be at minimum, six hours away. Six hours. With gas being over four dollars a gallon, it'll cost me over fifty dollars to fill up my tank. Fifty bucks in one shot. Boom, gone. I'm nearly broke, which means I'm mooching off the love and grace of my parents until I find a job or help my dad with work to earn money.

Growing up is a rotten thing sometimes. I just keep hoping that things will go the way they're supposed to that soon I'll end up where God needs me to be. Wherever that is. So long as I'm doing what He wants, surprisingly enough, I don't care where I am or what I'm doing.

Three years ago I would have punched myself in the face for that comment. Or it would have been sarcastic. Today, I believe it with all my heart.

Currently Editing: Alaster
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Eldest by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: The DragonHeart Soundtrack (really just the main theme)