Nemesis

Story tellers will understand this all too well I imagine. For those that don't dabble in the rabbit hole of story creation, I'm about to tell you something that may explain your friend/sibling/family member/coworker/teacher and why they act the way they do.

If you give me an inch, my mind takes a mile.

I'm a very visual person. When something is described to me, I can see it in my head. I like to think that I write what I "see". Now, because of that, when someone starts describing things I shouldn't be seeing, my mind begins to fabricate just that. Nine times outta ten, I come up with something significantly worse than reality.

This is why 'what if's and I don't get along. Because the moment I start thinking, "Well, what if this happened?", I'm gone. Shot. Caput. My brain is already coming up with a story and already thinking of the worst case scenario.

For example: I have to talk to a friend soon about some issues we've been having. I'm not looking forward to it, but I really should. I don't want our friendship to be strained and, if at all possible, I want to get back to our ridiculous conversations and understood stupidity. However, my mind has already conjured up what the worst case might be. That alone makes me even less thrilled about the prospect that lies ahead of me. Somewhere in my mind, the entire time we talk, I'm gonna be replaying this imaginary situation in my mind and fretting over the "right" things to say.

Keep in mind, I'm probably not going to be having this conversation for a week. Just imagine what'll happen in the time in between. I could come up with all sorts of nasty end results that could plague me for days to come.

At the same time though, I almost never have nightmares. Crazy, right? Well, I might have them, but I sure never remember them. I can only remember two, and one of them shouldn't have qualified as a nightmare, yet it scared the bejeezus out of me.

Anyway, all of this to say: story-tellers and world builders tend to have this problem. Or so I've found. In the many conversations I've had with writers, we all seem to do this sort of thing. Making up stories about our lives as though that'll somehow be what happens. I've found - personally - that the moment I start pretending something in my life is gonna work out a certain way, it doesn't. God has a funny way of making things far more epic than I could ever come up with.

I do this though. Even though I know it doesn't help me, I still get caught up in this pretend reality. As though what I could imagine is better than what's actually happening. Sometimes, I think, I miss what's going on in my life because I'm too busy making something up that I think is better. Normally, I just wind up missing something and finding that reality was plenty of an adventure on its own.

I think that just stems from my desire for things to be more epic than they actually are. *Shrugs* That might just be me though.

Currently Editing: Genesis

Currently Listening to: "Homecoming" by Thomas Bergersen

Making It

I've had the privilege over the past few weeks of talking with a number of friends about dreams, goals and success.

For a good chunk of my life, the idea of success and "making it" has been shown to me as having money, things, and being financially independent. The more new stuff you've got, the closer to "arriving" I become. I get a smartphone, that's a step. I buy a car, step two. I move out and get my own place, step three. So forth and so on until...what?

Lately though, I've found that I don't agree much with that mentality. Yes, I have a smartphone and a car and yes, I wish to move out and get my own place one day. But in no way does this make me feel like I've done anything worthy of the title, "arriving" or the phrase, "making it". I've got my degree, I have a fairly (sometimes) respectable job, and I can pay off my student loans without feeling like my legs just got hacked off.

Still, none of this has made me feel like I've done something...I don't know. Something important. And importance is all based on opinion. To me, "important" in the grand scheme of things is actually rather minute. The important things in life are people, conversations, quality time. Money is temporal - it will decay and mold and disappear. It's the idea of, "You can replace x, but you can't replace a person."

Not so long ago, I write about the idea that Alan Watts offers regarding, "What would you do if money weren't an issue?"

Do you know how many of my friends want to do something nonprofit? Either in starting a nonprofit or joining one. It's alarming how many people I know that have a heart for doing something more than live. To give to others without necessarily being given something in return. That selfless nature is so inspiring.

That, to me, is important. Doing something for others with no expectation of getting something back. In this crazy, me-centric world we live in, I think the most important thing for us to do as people is to start acting like the caring, selfless beings we should be. Not could be. Should be.

I've got a question for you. Do the Liberty Mutual commercials about the "pay it forward" idea inspire you to be better? Do they make you want to do more good in the world? They probably do. Why do you think that is?

Personally, I think it's because that's how we're supposed to be. All the time. No matter who we're with or what we're doing. Take off the blinders and start looking at the millions around you. They have stories. They have lives and dreams and hopes. Have you learned about any of them?

On my next adventure, I'm gonna learn about the dream/goal/passion of a friend or coworker. Then I'm gonna pray for them. I hope you'll do the same.

Happy adventuring everyone.

Currently Editing: Genesis
Currently Listening to: "Touch the Sky" from the Brave soundtrack

I'd Much Rather Just Stay Ignorant

This week, on "What Bugs Susan"...

We have faxing at Staples. You'd think in today's world, faxing would be obsolete. I mean, you can scan and email just about anything. Yet every day we've got a line out the wazoo for faxing. So right above this fax machine we've got this sign that says, "Self-Service Fax Machine". Pretty self-explanatory, right? It's even got instructions labeled all over the thing on how to use it.

Today I had this woman with a strong Spanish accent come in and need faxing done. Normally, when I have nothing else going on, I say, "Sure, step right on over to the fax machine and I'll walk you through it." I'm all about teaching a man to fish so he can feed himself for a lifetime.

The woman then proceeds to tell me she doesn't have her glasses and can't read the fax number. Then - as if to mock me - she says, "That's the number. 484..." I almost asked, "I thought you didn't have you glasses and couldn't read the number?"

It's as if she wanted to say, "I'd rather remain ignorant, so why don't you do it for me?" but she didn't have the courage to just call herself what she was - lazy.

The worst example of this though was a woman about a month back that came in and set her brand new phone down on the counter and said, "I need to email a document I have on here to you." I proceeded to tell her how to do it. She shook her head and waved her hand, saying, "No, you need to do it. I don't know how to work that thing. Anyway, whenever I come in here, they do it for me, so just do it for me." She spent the rest of the time yapping to her friend about what she may or may not want for lunch.

I literally want to scream at these people. They have no clue how good they've got it. Worse though are those that know precisely how spoiled they are, and they revel in it. I get it. We live in an incredibly awesome time. Technology is fascinating and can do just about anything. In my direct area, homelessness and poverty are pretty non-existent (aside from struggling college students). Aside from the occasional shooting, crime is minimal in my hometown.

None of this excuses laziness and selfishness.

One of my friends from school and I used to occasionally remind one another of how good we had it. She was thankful for indoor plumbing and I was always thankful for the fact that I could walk up to a refrigerator and suddenly have something to quiet my rumbling stomach. We did this to remember that we aren't dying. In fact, we're flourishing. We live in a country that (for the time being), is for the free. A good chunk of our society has it so good, they don't know what a real depression would be.

I've been lucky enough to not only have parents who refuse to let me be ignorant, but to have driven all over this country and seen with my own eyes the devastation of poverty. I've seen houses that look about ready to cave in. I've seen homeless individuals huddled on street corners, begging for something to eat. I've offered lunch to the hungry in New York City. I've repaired houses for those suffering from hurricanes. And I've listened to them in these moments and every time, I've thanked God for what He's given me.

Don't be ignorant and don't be lazy. Take control of what you can. Feed yourself, don't just steal someone else's time and energy. Give more than you take. Offer what you have and then double it. I understand. That's a hard bill to swallow.

Swallow it anyway.

Currently Editing: Genesis
Currently Listening to: Ludovico Einaudi's "Divenere"

Journeys

I tend to take lots of road trips.

A majority of my college friends live a minimum of 5 hours away from me. Because of that fact, I usually have to request weekends off here or there to be able to visit my friends and spend a few days laughing my butt off over absolutely nothing.

This naturally leads to many miles being added to my car and lots of car washes. My poor boy's current situation is evidence of that. Just a few days ago, Mitchell (that's my car, by the way), looked like this:

 Now, he looks like this:

This is what happens when you travel to upstate New York on a semi-regular basis. I kid you not. I've been there three times in the past month. I know lots of people would be asking questions like, "Do you know how many hours of driving that is?" and, "How many miles is that?" Honestly, I don't care.

It is so rewarding to make those trips. I've said on numerous occasions in the past few weeks that I would travel any distance for a friend. That's the truth. I find little value in how few miles are on my car or how much money I've got in the bank. That sort of thing means nothing if I haven't got friends and family that love and cherish my company - and I theirs. I'm super blessed to have the financial stability to visit my friends as frequently as I do. For that, I thank God. Because sometimes I really need a brief respite from my day-to-day life. Sometimes, I just need a friend to hug me and say, "You're gonna do fine."

And, it doesn't hurt that whenever I get to hang with my college friends, I laugh until my sides hurt and get so little sleep that delirium sets in early in the day. That's worth it too. Despite the exhaustion and weariness of my adventures with my friends, I'm always glad for those journeys. I have yet to ever leave a friend's house and say, "Man, I wish I could get that weekend back."

In fact, my thought always is, "Why do weekends go by so fast?"

So enjoy your adventure. Go visit a friend - regardless of the distance. I imagine you'll thank yourself.

Currently Editing: Genesis (FOR REALSIES!)
Currently Listening to: "Hope Will Lead Us On" by Barlowgirl

Purpose

As it may have been noticed, for the past few posts, I haven't been adding my usual "Currently" tabs. Mostly because as of late, I haven't had anything change in those categories. My music constantly changes depending on the time of day, my mood, and all around randomness on my iPod. As for my reading and writing habits...

Those have been non-existent.

My writing being absent in my life is strange for me. I got so used to having ideas flowing freely from my mind, to my fingers, to the keyboard, to the screen, that I don't know what to do with myself when I have lethargy. Which is precisely what I've had these past few weeks. First I just chalked it up to no time - which was kind of true. I was rather busy at the end of December and for the first two weeks of January.

Now though, I face a week with no potential for excuses. And as I sat visiting a friend this past weekend, I tried to work through why I hadn't been able to jump back into the writing game. After last year's epic writing adventure, you'd think I could just fly through whatever else I wanted to write, right?

On many fronts, yeah, I should be capable of rewriting the thread of End Game to neater drafts. However, I stalled. I wanted to explore the histories of the world I had created to ensure that the end made sense with the real beginning. So I dabbled in the histories. Then I got confused and super depressed with the mountain that sat in front of me and I lost my gusto.

Anyway, I was super confused as to what the cause of my major lethargy was. Part of it was anxiety and another part of it was simply me being me. I tend to stand still when I reach a crossroads. Especially when both paths will take lots of time and attention. Juggling them both ends with both failing, so I have to choose one. I always struggle with what the "right" path is.

It wasn't until later in the evening that I watched a short video one of my coworkers shared with me. In it, Alan Watts posits the question of, "What would you do if money wasn't a problem?" Literally, as the question was being asked, I thought, "I'm already doing it."

I had to rewatch the video.

Because for the rest of the four minutes, I was having a private conversation with myself. I wasn't actually doing what I wanted - writing. I had been doing what I wanted, but then I stopped and I allowed myself to stay stopped. I allowed myself to sit at my computer and dawdle on YouTube for hours on end or talk with friends & family rather than attempt - even attempt - to write. Even after my friends and family went to bed, I would just sit on my computer, staring at Facebook, as though that would somehow answer my lethargy for me.

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I knew what this week had to be about. It's always difficult for me to take the first steps. So here I am, taking the first steps.

This week, when the world tells me, "No," I'm responding, "Yes. Because God said so."

Take that world.

Currently Writing: Nothing. But tomorrow, I will be editing Genesis.
Currently Listening to: THIS.