It's a long title, but fitting.
I've been having a lot of conversations like the one I'm currently having with a friend. We're both struggling with the uncertainties of life and growing up. Finding our paths in life and where we're meant to be. The answers elude us and we're left with shrugs and blank stares at the sky as we ask, "Okay, now what?"
As I was talking with her, I realized there wasn't anything I could really say to bring her comfort. So I told her the only word I knew that might help, which was to have faith.
To me, faith always requires some level of blindness. Some level of complete trust in something unseen.
In the midst of talking with her about this, I said, "It's when we're blind that we begin to see."
At first I thought, "That's stupid. Why would you even say that?" Then I thought about it. To me, it resounded around my head for a few seconds and then settled into my heart. It was true. It was something that I didn't really believe when I wrote it, but when I read it again, I realized it was something I needed to hear.
Become blind so then you can see.
Currently Writing: Arthur outline
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Finale" from the DragonHeart Score
Friday, July 27, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Tragedy, Joy, and a Little Hope
Holy wow. What a week. And I haven't even reached the week mark yet.
On Thursday night I saw The Dark Knight Rises at midnight showing. The following day I found out about the shooting in Colorado. Not only was I shocked into silence, but it sort of rocked me upon seeing the movie on Friday with some friends. All I can do is pray for both the victims and the man who thought this was a good idea. I simply cannot fathom someone doing something like that. It doesn't compute to me.
The crazy thing is, this sort of insanity jars people into inspiring hope and goodness. For a day, we act kinder. We see the world beyond our sphere. We might even pray and not condemn the God who gives us breath. For about a day, we remember this awful thing, offer up our condolences via social media, and hope nothing like that happens again.
Then the second day comes.
As if waking from a stupor, we go back to how we really are. Tragedy doesn't truly shock our core anymore. It's just part of the world. However, if one celebrity dies through their own stupidity (or through natural causes), it's like the world swallowed salvation. For days we'll get media coverage. People will play their songs, watch their movies, read their books, etc. till we're sick of them. Facebook pours with how horrible it is that that one person is gone.
But a man comes in and kills many, injures more, and it's only worthy of one day? Only worthy of one moment's thought? How have we gotten to this point? Are we that desensitized? Or is it simply that we cannot imagine multiple deaths? Is it that the higher the toll is, the harder it is to believe or what? I don't understand.
But enough of this musing and doom and gloom.
This week is VBS (Vacation Bible School), at my church. We do an evening one, so I'm working morning shifts and then shooting home to eat then I'm off to church till about 9 in the evening. It's a great experience and uplifting to see young kids learning verses, singing songs of praise, and getting excited as the hour arrives to start. I can't help but smile at some of these kids and their enthusiasm.
And because of how sleep-deprived I'm becoming from this past weekend/week, I am boldly going into the realm of coffee. I'm a bit afraid, but I find it'll be necessary tomorrow with my 4:45 wake up call. So tonight I went to experiment at Wawa to ensure whatever I get tomorrow morning won't make me gag.
Niki and I were standing there, talking about what I might try. I've never done this. How expensive is one cup? What's hot, and what's cold? Can I mix flavors? How big of a cup should I get? How tired am I? Do I really want something hot when it's 96 degrees outside?
Then this one man offered help. He pointed out the prices, joked with me about how to get my hot coffee cold, and the like. I went up to pay for my $1.35 coffee and he was two people in front of me. He's paying for his and points toward me and says to the cashier, "And for her too."
I smiled.
That never happens to me! I'm the person that hears about others doing that sort of thing - random strangers paying a bill, offering a hand, etc. It brought this bit of hope into my heart. A random act of kindness. Can we achieve that? What if we all just took a moment, an action, a smile, and gave it to someone else? What if we all decided to buy the next person in line a coffee?
How much greater could this world be?
I pray a special blessing for that one man. Wherever he is and whatever he's doing, I think he deserves a good dose of God's blessing. Because that one action made my tiring, headache induced day a whole lot better.
Currently Writing: Nothing. Just jotting down ideas for the next story (which starts next week!!)
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Awakening" by Chris Tomlin
P.S. - This was my 100th post. Just FYI.
On Thursday night I saw The Dark Knight Rises at midnight showing. The following day I found out about the shooting in Colorado. Not only was I shocked into silence, but it sort of rocked me upon seeing the movie on Friday with some friends. All I can do is pray for both the victims and the man who thought this was a good idea. I simply cannot fathom someone doing something like that. It doesn't compute to me.
The crazy thing is, this sort of insanity jars people into inspiring hope and goodness. For a day, we act kinder. We see the world beyond our sphere. We might even pray and not condemn the God who gives us breath. For about a day, we remember this awful thing, offer up our condolences via social media, and hope nothing like that happens again.
Then the second day comes.
As if waking from a stupor, we go back to how we really are. Tragedy doesn't truly shock our core anymore. It's just part of the world. However, if one celebrity dies through their own stupidity (or through natural causes), it's like the world swallowed salvation. For days we'll get media coverage. People will play their songs, watch their movies, read their books, etc. till we're sick of them. Facebook pours with how horrible it is that that one person is gone.
But a man comes in and kills many, injures more, and it's only worthy of one day? Only worthy of one moment's thought? How have we gotten to this point? Are we that desensitized? Or is it simply that we cannot imagine multiple deaths? Is it that the higher the toll is, the harder it is to believe or what? I don't understand.
But enough of this musing and doom and gloom.
This week is VBS (Vacation Bible School), at my church. We do an evening one, so I'm working morning shifts and then shooting home to eat then I'm off to church till about 9 in the evening. It's a great experience and uplifting to see young kids learning verses, singing songs of praise, and getting excited as the hour arrives to start. I can't help but smile at some of these kids and their enthusiasm.
And because of how sleep-deprived I'm becoming from this past weekend/week, I am boldly going into the realm of coffee. I'm a bit afraid, but I find it'll be necessary tomorrow with my 4:45 wake up call. So tonight I went to experiment at Wawa to ensure whatever I get tomorrow morning won't make me gag.
Niki and I were standing there, talking about what I might try. I've never done this. How expensive is one cup? What's hot, and what's cold? Can I mix flavors? How big of a cup should I get? How tired am I? Do I really want something hot when it's 96 degrees outside?
Then this one man offered help. He pointed out the prices, joked with me about how to get my hot coffee cold, and the like. I went up to pay for my $1.35 coffee and he was two people in front of me. He's paying for his and points toward me and says to the cashier, "And for her too."
I smiled.
That never happens to me! I'm the person that hears about others doing that sort of thing - random strangers paying a bill, offering a hand, etc. It brought this bit of hope into my heart. A random act of kindness. Can we achieve that? What if we all just took a moment, an action, a smile, and gave it to someone else? What if we all decided to buy the next person in line a coffee?
How much greater could this world be?
I pray a special blessing for that one man. Wherever he is and whatever he's doing, I think he deserves a good dose of God's blessing. Because that one action made my tiring, headache induced day a whole lot better.
Currently Writing: Nothing. Just jotting down ideas for the next story (which starts next week!!)
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Awakening" by Chris Tomlin
P.S. - This was my 100th post. Just FYI.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Sinking
I think everyone reaches points like this throughout their lives.
I need more hours in the day. I need to not require sleep. I need to stop worrying. I need to relinquish control. I need to stop giving in to fear. I need to try harder. I need to try less. I'm not working hard enough. I'm not doing enough. Or am I doing too much?
This crazy juxtaposition of emotions is what I'm falling into at the moment.
Not a single book has been sold in almost two weeks. That shouldn't bother me. And yet it does. It shouldn't bother me because I'm not in this for the money. If I was looking for money, I would have tried harder in school, networked better, and done about a million things differently. I'm in the publishing industry because I want to tell a story and I want the world to know that story. Money - eh, who cares. In the long run, it means little. I only want what I need to get by. I only want to have enough to eat, have a roof over my head that's preferably my own, and a dog. That's it.
I need to find an editor. I've been talking about this for nearly a year now. The problem I face is simple: I don't have enough time right now. Between wanting to read my Bible (and a book Niki and I picked up called "The Story"), working, trying to help around the house, seeing friends before they move to Timbuktu (figuratively), staying on top of new worship songs and VBS next week...
I need to not need sleep.
I haven't touched my Writer's Market Guide in almost a week, and it's grating against me. I feel like I'm not taking steps in the right direction.
Y'know, initially I was going to have my book up for sale on CreateSpace for a limited time. I was only going to keep it up for a month, let those that really wanted it buy it, and then take it down. It would save me time in worrying about it and I'd have what I wanted - a physical copy of my book. Then I thought that was stupid. Then everyone was so excited about it. Nearly everyone I talked to was saying how they wanted to get a copy.
*Shrug* Now what? Is this God blatantly putting up a block, telling me it's not yet time? Is this Him saying to stop - this isn't the avenue? Why can't I get neon lights? I never notice the subtle things. Ever. I need the foghorn.
Maybe that's my problem.
Currently Writing and/or Editing: Absolutely nothing. And I think I might go mad.
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "When the Stars Burn Down (Blessing And Honor)" by Phillips, Craig and Dean
I need more hours in the day. I need to not require sleep. I need to stop worrying. I need to relinquish control. I need to stop giving in to fear. I need to try harder. I need to try less. I'm not working hard enough. I'm not doing enough. Or am I doing too much?
This crazy juxtaposition of emotions is what I'm falling into at the moment.
Not a single book has been sold in almost two weeks. That shouldn't bother me. And yet it does. It shouldn't bother me because I'm not in this for the money. If I was looking for money, I would have tried harder in school, networked better, and done about a million things differently. I'm in the publishing industry because I want to tell a story and I want the world to know that story. Money - eh, who cares. In the long run, it means little. I only want what I need to get by. I only want to have enough to eat, have a roof over my head that's preferably my own, and a dog. That's it.
I need to find an editor. I've been talking about this for nearly a year now. The problem I face is simple: I don't have enough time right now. Between wanting to read my Bible (and a book Niki and I picked up called "The Story"), working, trying to help around the house, seeing friends before they move to Timbuktu (figuratively), staying on top of new worship songs and VBS next week...
I need to not need sleep.
I haven't touched my Writer's Market Guide in almost a week, and it's grating against me. I feel like I'm not taking steps in the right direction.
Y'know, initially I was going to have my book up for sale on CreateSpace for a limited time. I was only going to keep it up for a month, let those that really wanted it buy it, and then take it down. It would save me time in worrying about it and I'd have what I wanted - a physical copy of my book. Then I thought that was stupid. Then everyone was so excited about it. Nearly everyone I talked to was saying how they wanted to get a copy.
*Shrug* Now what? Is this God blatantly putting up a block, telling me it's not yet time? Is this Him saying to stop - this isn't the avenue? Why can't I get neon lights? I never notice the subtle things. Ever. I need the foghorn.
Maybe that's my problem.
Currently Writing and/or Editing: Absolutely nothing. And I think I might go mad.
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "When the Stars Burn Down (Blessing And Honor)" by Phillips, Craig and Dean
Monday, July 16, 2012
One of Those Silly Little Things
Writers of Fantasy and Science Fiction are bound to know what I'm talking about.
When we crazy writers decide to start writing a story about an ancient culture, new species, alien race, off-shoot Human culture, etc. we tend to come up with wacky names. Not only for our characters, but for the countries, roads, houses, mountains and the like. So, us being the semi-OCD people we are, we make our word processing software learn all of these names. Simply because the little red squiggly lines irritate us.
At least, I do this. For all I know, I'm completely alone on this front. Something tells me I'm not though.
Here's an example:
See what I mean? It's that one little thing that puts a hiccup into a computer transfer that most people don't need to worry about. Even very Human names, like Skylar and Alaster (which, by the way, are incorrect for Google Chrome too), come up as misspellings. Though they're used and, I think, fairly recognizable. At least Alaster is. Skylar is unique.
This is just one thing Science Fiction and Fantasy writers get to do. We get the honor of massive red squiggly lines adorning our manuscripts when we open them on other computers. We get to see special characters (like mine for book three), turned into some other random font the computer thought best fit that missing font. We get to teach our computer about our world just like we do our audience.
It's kind of fun doing insane things.
Currently Editing: Unity
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Sleep" by Polyphony and Stephen Layton
^Random tidbit - this is my most listened to song on my iPod. Not even kidding. It's my absolute favorite.
When we crazy writers decide to start writing a story about an ancient culture, new species, alien race, off-shoot Human culture, etc. we tend to come up with wacky names. Not only for our characters, but for the countries, roads, houses, mountains and the like. So, us being the semi-OCD people we are, we make our word processing software learn all of these names. Simply because the little red squiggly lines irritate us.
At least, I do this. For all I know, I'm completely alone on this front. Something tells me I'm not though.
Here's an example:
All names copyright to me :)
See what I mean? It's that one little thing that puts a hiccup into a computer transfer that most people don't need to worry about. Even very Human names, like Skylar and Alaster (which, by the way, are incorrect for Google Chrome too), come up as misspellings. Though they're used and, I think, fairly recognizable. At least Alaster is. Skylar is unique.
This is just one thing Science Fiction and Fantasy writers get to do. We get the honor of massive red squiggly lines adorning our manuscripts when we open them on other computers. We get to see special characters (like mine for book three), turned into some other random font the computer thought best fit that missing font. We get to teach our computer about our world just like we do our audience.
It's kind of fun doing insane things.
Currently Editing: Unity
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Sleep" by Polyphony and Stephen Layton
^Random tidbit - this is my most listened to song on my iPod. Not even kidding. It's my absolute favorite.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
The Seasons
Right now I'm not at a job I necessarily am enthused about. Working in retail for the rest of my life doesn't sound like my ideal position, but I'm always trying to remind myself that I'm where I need to be for the moment. Every day I make as valid an attempt I can at asking God to show me why I'm where I am. To help me endure the rough days and to praise Him for the good ones.
Yesterday, two good things happened.
The first of which was, three of my customers asked me about my necklace. I have a crown of thorns necklace that I've had since the year the Passion of the Christ came out. When I was younger (and even now), I'd had cross necklaces, but they always felt empty to me. The world had lost the understanding, the weight behind what the cross meant. How it could be beautiful and awful at the same time. I liked them enough, but I wanted something different. Something people would ask about.
I've taken to wearing the necklace every day at work. Just something small (like my promise ring), that can set me apart and maybe, just maybe, help witness to others. I'm sure I fail on a regular basis. But I still try.
Then yesterday, those three customers asked what it was. It opened the doorway for short conversations with each of them. One was definitely a believer, while one was obviously not. The last person that asked me was a woman who was faxing the death certificate of her best friend and sister-in-law.
I can only hope that somehow my brief talks with each of them helped them in some way.
The other good thing that happened was: I got a job nibble. One of my customers (not only is the mom to a once-fellow associate), has to clients that are editors for magazines. One of them is interested in me. So last night I emailed off my resume to her. I'm excited to see what happens with it. Because working retail, while it's great to have a job right now, is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. There's far too much I want to accomplish outside of these cramped walls and massive windows.
So wish me luck. And prayer. Prayer is always a good thing in times like these.
Currently Editing: Genesis
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Promise" by Thomas Bergersen
Yesterday, two good things happened.
The first of which was, three of my customers asked me about my necklace. I have a crown of thorns necklace that I've had since the year the Passion of the Christ came out. When I was younger (and even now), I'd had cross necklaces, but they always felt empty to me. The world had lost the understanding, the weight behind what the cross meant. How it could be beautiful and awful at the same time. I liked them enough, but I wanted something different. Something people would ask about.
I've taken to wearing the necklace every day at work. Just something small (like my promise ring), that can set me apart and maybe, just maybe, help witness to others. I'm sure I fail on a regular basis. But I still try.
Then yesterday, those three customers asked what it was. It opened the doorway for short conversations with each of them. One was definitely a believer, while one was obviously not. The last person that asked me was a woman who was faxing the death certificate of her best friend and sister-in-law.
I can only hope that somehow my brief talks with each of them helped them in some way.
The other good thing that happened was: I got a job nibble. One of my customers (not only is the mom to a once-fellow associate), has to clients that are editors for magazines. One of them is interested in me. So last night I emailed off my resume to her. I'm excited to see what happens with it. Because working retail, while it's great to have a job right now, is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. There's far too much I want to accomplish outside of these cramped walls and massive windows.
So wish me luck. And prayer. Prayer is always a good thing in times like these.
Currently Editing: Genesis
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "Promise" by Thomas Bergersen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)