Sinking

I think everyone reaches points like this throughout their lives.

I need more hours in the day. I need to not require sleep. I need to stop worrying. I need to relinquish control. I need to stop giving in to fear. I need to try harder. I need to try less. I'm not working hard enough. I'm not doing enough. Or am I doing too much?

This crazy juxtaposition of emotions is what I'm falling into at the moment.

Not a single book has been sold in almost two weeks. That shouldn't bother me. And yet it does. It shouldn't bother me because I'm not in this for the money. If I was looking for money, I would have tried harder in school, networked better, and done about a million things differently. I'm in the publishing industry because I want to tell a story and I want the world to know that story. Money - eh, who cares. In the long run, it means little. I only want what I need to get by. I only want to have enough to eat, have a roof over my head that's preferably my own, and a dog. That's it.

I need to find an editor. I've been talking about this for nearly a year now. The problem I face is simple: I don't have enough time right now. Between wanting to read my Bible (and a book Niki and I picked up called "The Story"), working, trying to help around the house, seeing friends before they move to Timbuktu (figuratively), staying on top of new worship songs and VBS next week...

I need to not need sleep.

I haven't touched my Writer's Market Guide in almost a week, and it's grating against me. I feel like I'm not taking steps in the right direction.

Y'know, initially I was going to have my book up for sale on CreateSpace for a limited time. I was only going to keep it up for a month, let those that really wanted it buy it, and then take it down. It would save me time in worrying about it and I'd have what I wanted - a physical copy of my book. Then I thought that was stupid. Then everyone was so excited about it. Nearly everyone I talked to was saying how they wanted to get a copy.

*Shrug* Now what? Is this God blatantly putting up a block, telling me it's not yet time? Is this Him saying to stop - this isn't the avenue? Why can't I get neon lights? I never notice the subtle things. Ever. I need the foghorn.

Maybe that's my problem.

Currently Writing and/or Editing: Absolutely nothing. And I think I might go mad.
Currently Reading: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Currently Listening to: "When the Stars Burn Down (Blessing And Honor)" by Phillips, Craig and Dean