Opening Doors to the Future

So, as I have stated in the past, my floormates out here at Houghton College have been the best thing for me to ever have been given from my experiences here. Why start this entry as such? Well, very simply, they are awesome. I went home again with Shelly two weekends ago and we got, once again, onto the topic of who we are in the world and what we hope to gain from the future.

The biggest of which for me was explaining to Shelly that, the longer that time goes on, the more that I feel God saying that the world isn't ready for me yet, but it will be soon. And that terrified me for a while. Two nights ago, Alaina, Dana, Erin and I were up till like, two in the morning, talking about life and the future. Two years. That's what I've got left, roughly. So what does that entail? Can I ready myself for the world in that short an amount of time?

My hope is that, within two years, I can have a first book manuscript ready and presentable for me to go try to find an agent with, and attempt to get it published. Alaina and I have already readied ourselves for the rejections we'll get from our stories. Well, Alaina has. Me? I don't know yet. I'm sure my hands will still be trembling at each letter I receive, and I will still have a silent prayer with a pounding heart as I tear it open in the hope that it may not have been rejected.

Am I meant for the world to hear? I don't know. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what lies ahead for me. I hope great things, because I feel that's what God wants from me. But in no concrete fashion do I know what will become of me within the next two years. I cannot guarantee that my book will be influential. I cannot guarantee that I will become what I hope to become. I can guarantee that regardless of where I go, and regardless of what I do, God will be with me, and He will love me for who I am, not for what I may or may not become.

Wow, I find comfort in that. What a wonderful feeling! To come back to the heart of worship I had so readily run away from two years ago, and know that my past is my past, but my God loves me today, tomorrow, and forever. To what do I owe the honor to be called His daughter? I guess He just loves me like that. I don't even know why, but God, I love that You love me!

I laugh freely, I smile openly, I talk warmly, I attempt to love unconditionally. Whether or not I succeed, well, yeah, we'll see about that.

Hey, it's a New Year! So, resolutions for the year? Well...seriously now: overall, be better at what I know I can be better at. And seriously look into the publishing of my book. Take the steps. Do the motions. Start the process. Begin the journey.

Whelp, it's time to move on. I should finish up my homework before it gets to be too late. For now, to my cyber-readers and non-announced people that possibly read this, Goodnight, good luck, and God bless you wherever you go and in whatever you do.

"Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth."