Where's The Goodness In The World?

The wold is not justified, nor will it ever be. The good people get smacked around and abused while the bad are encouraged and cheered on. What's good is bad and bad is now good. When did this happen? When did we as humans decide to glorify cheating, stealing, lying, and the downright wrong? I feel as though it never was this crazy, this twisted, this corrupt.

I come home, my father struggles, I go to work, my coworkers struggle, I hang out with friends, my friends struggle, I talk with my sister, she struggles. They're all good people. They all do the right things, they're honest and true and just. They believe in goodness and love and happiness. Yet are harked upon and used and beaten until they don't want to fight anymore.

Today I wanted to scream out loud. Hearing that one of my friends found out her boyfriend she's living with is cheating on her. She's said enough's enough, but I don't get it one bit. She's a nice, caring, loving person. When was it decided that this jerk would think she not worthy of his attention and devotion that he would turn to another?

What does love mean anyway? Not as it should be meant, but as it is meant. It should be that when you say you love someone, that you are in love with someone, that it was true and deep and full of meaning. But somewhere along the lines, it's become this...dead word we throw into conversations to "show" someone we care. To "voice" our "love" for that person. We say "I love you" while laughing and joking around.

Would you take a bullet for every person you've said you love? Personally, I would. But I'm stupid, I believe in right not wrong and that there is a line between them. I'm the idiot that believes to spare another is to save a life and possibly allow it to grow and flourish. I'm the moron that would take a bullet for a stranger. And I mean that to the core of my being.

I suppose I'm just another person hoping that their voice will make a difference.

I'm so fed up with this planet and it's "justification" to things.



“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

Decisions, Decisions...

I am attempting to create my own business/networking cards. See, Staples has this lovely thing called the Business Card application over in Copy Center, and while messing around over there, I've decided that I'd like my own card. Mostly, it'll have a link to this website and my phone number and name. And the background a picture I took. Here's one of them:

I'm not entirely sure if I like these or not, I've made about six different designs each with a different picture I took or manipulated in some fashion. I've thrown around the idea of doing the Gallery in the Park this year (even though I'd have to pay for it), in hopes of possibly advertising my services. At the very least, let people know that I like to take pictures and that, if they wanted, I could make prints available...it's a thought.

Feedback is welcome. Very, very welcome. I can post more of the different layouts if you're interested :D. I would like some feedback on this. One of my managers said that I could basically print off some business cards and use it as an advertising bit for what Staples can do for our customers by means of our 'custom print' avenue.

I've also been toying with the idea of business as my major...possibly trying to get into the advertising industry...I think it'd be fun?

Who knows, I'm confusing myself more often than not.

The book isn't finished. I'm at a standstill in chapter seven...

I Obviously Don't Write Enough

I used to. Something must have happened to make this 'writing' habit I had disappear. Could it be work perhaps?
It seems the most likely culprit.
I was standing at work - once again bored - and noticed how I dwell on things. I never really have considered myself a shy person, but I suppose I am. After seeing my coworkers and interacting with them over the past 11 months, I've discovered that I seem to have contracted a fear of really interacting with people. I guess it would have something to do with all of my close friends leaving when school time came around and me staying home with no one to talk to or hang out with.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Why I seem to get...nervous...around others. What's the point? It's like that's the first thing that pops into my head - why bother?
But I want to bother. I want to be okay with walking up to a coworker and saying, "Wanna go grab a bite to eat after work and hang out?" But for some reason my mind instantly rejects that notion - as if it were completely absurd.
It isn't absurd, is it? To crave interaction and knowing another human being? To want to delve past the every day monotony we've found ourselves in and find something beyond a body with a few sarcastic comments along the way?
As I stand around and watch my coworkers walk up to one another and just begin to laugh and instantly strike up a conversation with no timidness to it, I can't help but envy them. They're friends and for some reason...
It's like just about everything is right, but a few cogs are missing the slots. Like there's always something going to be missing for me, personally.
I guess I am just shy. I don't know where it came from, really. It seems to just have manifested itself recently and decided that it was time for me to worry about whether others liked me or not. For all I know, it may have something to do with a constant fear of rejection.
...
Now we're getting somewhere.


I really need to get out more.