Single's Awareness Day

I don't care what anyone says, that's all that this "holiday" is. It's a cheap way to show the world who has someone and who doesn't. It's not that I want to bring down people who are happily in a relationship or are happily married; what have you, it's more that I'm sick of American advertising shoving it down our throats that we absolutely must have someone in our lives. And if we don't, they make it seem like we're suddenly less than what everyone else is. Yes, as if our self-esteem isn't already shot, let's make it worse, shall we?

I said to my coworkers today that I was just bitter, so naturally I wouldn't want to say "Happy Valentine's Day". Every Valentine's day of my life I've been without a 'second half'. I tried not to let the day get to me, but in the past, I've always had friends to help me get through the fact that I was without someone. This year however, I'm alone. It's not that I like being a hermit, but that's what I've become. I live through work, school, and home. That is my life right now. Nothing more and nothing less.

I can't wait till I gain a social life again. As of right now, I don't have one. All of my social interactions are through work or school. And school I commute to, so I really don't get to know anyone. I just sort of see people and occasionally have someone to talk to. Lucky me, right?

I've been trying like crazy to not let this day get to me. Alas, I came to the realization that I do in fact like one of my coworkers, which makes me want to hurt myself. I really shouldn't like this guy, but I do. I keep having all of these reasons to not like him pop up, and I keep hoping that he might just be a crush, that it'll fade, but the more I think that, the less it seems to happen. The more I try to ignore or purposefully push aside any...pull (we'll call it that for now. I don't think it's a feeling or anything...or I'm living in denial), towards him. Yet with every day, I yearn to know him better and talk with him.

I'm rather pathetic.

Moving away from my horrid love live - or lack there of - we move into the terrible reality that is the fact that I love to write, yet find that the best time for me to do so, is in the middle of the night. Yes, I'm nocturnal; just like my dad. I knew that would be the case, yet continually tried to avoid it, but it's true. I work so much better at night than during the day. I love doing things during the day, but at night, I write and think best. I don't know why. I just...do.

Have you ever wanted so badly for something to happen? So much so that it consumes every part of your life? Yeah, that's the point I'm at; just wanting to have this something completed, come true - be reality. And every day it's not the case. I'm getting sick of waiting. But every time I start to think that way, I stop and say, "I suppose this is God's way of teaching me patience."

Or so I say to myself.

*Sigh* As for now. I say goodnight. I have school tomorrow followed directly by a six hour shift at work. Lucky me.