I Detest Stupid People

I cannot even begin to describe how angry I am right now. Not only have I wasted a good chunk of my life continually driving down to Newtown for a class that doesn't exist, but I've also had to endure not having the ability to work on Friday's because someone is an idiot!

AAGGH!!

I didn't get this blog to vent about how I detest the little curve balls that ruin my life, but I couldn't help myself tonight. I've driven down the Newtown three times on Fridays, thinking I had a class there, and then, low and behold, the person that transfered me into the class was a MORON and couldn't tell when the class was actually occurring. STUPID PEOPLE ARE EATING MY GAS MONEY AND MY TIME!!! AAAAGGGHHH!!!

That said, I love music. I stumbled upon the music from the "Planet Earth" series that aired on Discovery Channel and *love* it.

It's slow goings on my book, but apparently, Nancy wants to read it. Plus or minus, we'll see.

Sorry for the boring entry. Perhaps next time will be better.

Just Smile

What is it about us that makes us push those people that we can tolerate and that, in turn, tolerate us? Why is it that when we get frustrated at someone, something, or a situation, the first place we look to let the anger/frustration out is the people nearest to us (both physically and emotionally). One minute you can be having a great time with someone and the next - because of a bad moment or what have you - you're ready to strangle the other person and can't stand them.

What's more is that grown people act like foolish little children and whine and complain that 'life isn't fair'. Here's a newsflash: the world doesn't justify itself. Good people don't always have good things happen to them and bad people don't always get what they deserve. To believe that is to live in denial and nothing more. So often we, as people, put on blinders to those around us and just drive forward in blatant disregard to others. Why must we torture those we laugh with by abusing them when we get angry?

I wonder if it has something to do with the hope, in the back of our minds, that those people that we scorn - the ones we love - will still love us after we've scorn and forsaken them. "We ignore the ones who love us and love the ones who ignore us". That's a quote from Luann; a good comic strip that occasionally has life lessons thrown in there.

"Why can't everyone just be nice? What's the point in being mean?"

That's something one of my coworkers asked me and I looked at her and said, "Because the world is made up of mean people that occasionally have good intentions and good people who occasionally have bad intentions. We all have mean capabilities within us, it's whether we choose to ignore them or obey them that makes us 'nice' or 'mean'."

"Badness is only spoiled goodness"; C.S. Lewis said that in Mere Christianity, and that's a very true and obvious statement. Yet it had to be said. Sometimes the truth - regardless of how obvious or harsh it may be - needs to be heard. It's our choice as to whether we open our ears to hear it.

I had another pondering while I was falling asleep last night, something that I thought about a lot last year during all my turmoil and random drama. "God only puts us through that which He knows we can handle. He never puts us through something we can't get through." I can't remember who said it, but it sticks in my mind. I keep it within me forever and never forget it. The trials we are put against are those that will build us up and make us stronger. Whether we let Satan win and succumb to the problem without a resolution or rise against it and conquer it is our choice. When all seems lost is the time when Hope is strongest.

Be a beacon in the darkness; if you see someone without a smile, give them yours.

Just smile. Everything's gonna be alright.

Hand Prints

I was standing in church this evening down in the Youth Ministries area and noticed a mural on the wall (one of the many). It had a beautiful rendition of the world with a hand print and then a footprint with the versus of "We are His hands", "We are His feet". Anyway, as I stood listening to the speaker, my mind began to occasionally drift to the hand print so wonderfully portrayed on this wall. Eventually, I began to notice how nice a job the artist did to make it look as if a giant had in fact put his hand in paint and then put his huge hand print forever on the wall.

Have you ever looked at a hand print? One that's a perfect replica of yours, (either from paint, water, or what have you), and shows the little pressure areas? Think about your hand print; when you put your wet hand on a pavement, (or your painted hand on a piece of paper), you see a small space that originates from the small gap between the palm muscles, which eventually deviates to create a diamond-like shape in the center of the hand.

It's interesting, I thought, that our muscles and the basic pressure of our hands makes an almost perfect hole. More interesting still is the fact that, when a Christian thinks about it, our hand print is a constant reminder of Christ's sacrifice. His hands were pierced and when he came back, his testament to defeating death was for his disciples to feel the holes in his hands.

I don't know what brought about this sudden fascination with my hand, but I found myself looking at it for the remainder of the speech, not really paying attention. I feel bad about not fully conducting myself to the speaker, but I feel as if my mind wanders a bit too much anyway; at least my mind was in the right set - meaning that I was busy attributing a part of human anatomy that we use every day and yet don't even notice it's significance.

A random musing. Nothing more.

Think about it.

Single's Awareness Day

I don't care what anyone says, that's all that this "holiday" is. It's a cheap way to show the world who has someone and who doesn't. It's not that I want to bring down people who are happily in a relationship or are happily married; what have you, it's more that I'm sick of American advertising shoving it down our throats that we absolutely must have someone in our lives. And if we don't, they make it seem like we're suddenly less than what everyone else is. Yes, as if our self-esteem isn't already shot, let's make it worse, shall we?

I said to my coworkers today that I was just bitter, so naturally I wouldn't want to say "Happy Valentine's Day". Every Valentine's day of my life I've been without a 'second half'. I tried not to let the day get to me, but in the past, I've always had friends to help me get through the fact that I was without someone. This year however, I'm alone. It's not that I like being a hermit, but that's what I've become. I live through work, school, and home. That is my life right now. Nothing more and nothing less.

I can't wait till I gain a social life again. As of right now, I don't have one. All of my social interactions are through work or school. And school I commute to, so I really don't get to know anyone. I just sort of see people and occasionally have someone to talk to. Lucky me, right?

I've been trying like crazy to not let this day get to me. Alas, I came to the realization that I do in fact like one of my coworkers, which makes me want to hurt myself. I really shouldn't like this guy, but I do. I keep having all of these reasons to not like him pop up, and I keep hoping that he might just be a crush, that it'll fade, but the more I think that, the less it seems to happen. The more I try to ignore or purposefully push aside any...pull (we'll call it that for now. I don't think it's a feeling or anything...or I'm living in denial), towards him. Yet with every day, I yearn to know him better and talk with him.

I'm rather pathetic.

Moving away from my horrid love live - or lack there of - we move into the terrible reality that is the fact that I love to write, yet find that the best time for me to do so, is in the middle of the night. Yes, I'm nocturnal; just like my dad. I knew that would be the case, yet continually tried to avoid it, but it's true. I work so much better at night than during the day. I love doing things during the day, but at night, I write and think best. I don't know why. I just...do.

Have you ever wanted so badly for something to happen? So much so that it consumes every part of your life? Yeah, that's the point I'm at; just wanting to have this something completed, come true - be reality. And every day it's not the case. I'm getting sick of waiting. But every time I start to think that way, I stop and say, "I suppose this is God's way of teaching me patience."

Or so I say to myself.

*Sigh* As for now. I say goodnight. I have school tomorrow followed directly by a six hour shift at work. Lucky me.

Humans are Fault-Ridden

This was what consisted of my argument in Philosophy this evening. Amazingly enough; a lot of people began talking about it and questioning my view. One of the other women and I got into a long-winded talk about how some people are blind to their own faults yet are very quick to point out the faults in other people.

It's egotistical, to believe that you're perfect and blameless. No one is such; everyone has faults and screws up. To say you don't is denial and a flat out lie. If you truly believe that you're blameless and perfect, then you're screwed up in the head and need to come to terms with yourself and get over yourself.

One of the guys said that my statement was my point of view only and that some people don't believe that. Welcome to America; where being greedy and selfish is deemed okay. Why, I don't know, but it has been given grace to continue to exist in our society and breed at that.

The professor seemed impressed with the statement and my rhetoric against people who are blind and have tunnel vision on their life. I suppose that I'd do well as a philosopher - psychology, not so much.

I went out today and bought my own copy of the Chronicles of Narnia; I thought it was high time I had a copy to follow me through life. Considering that C.S. Lewis is one of my main heroes. Speaking of Narnia; Prince Caspian comes out in May: I'm psyched. I hope they make all seven books into movies; Disney's done a good job taking a great selection of stories and bringing them to life onto the screen.

I'm nocturnal; I work so much better at night than during the day. I wish that I didn't have a stupid paper route so I didn't have to worry about lack of sleep. I've discovered that I write best when otherwise alone and when it's dark out and there are no distractions...like dogs barking or traffic outside the window.

I Like People

That isn't going to change any time soon; of that I'm sure. My coworkers continually tell me that I haven't been in the retail game long; give it a few more months and I'll be hating customers just as much as they do. I, however, after five (almost six) months of working at Staples, have not found a great dislike creeping up on me...yet.

I don't know if I would rather go with obscure, or blatantly obvious when it comes to the characters and my inspiration for their likeness being from direct people in my life that have effected me. We'll see how I choose to take it.

Finding myself bored, I chose to stop by the library and pick up the Chronicles of Narnia books; solely because it's been like...11 years since I read them and cannot for the life of me remember the events in half of them. The only one I really remember is The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe; like everyone else.

Prince Caspian comes out in theaters this summer; that should prove to be quite a good movie. I look forward to it and can't wait to reread it soon. I just finished The Magicians Nephew and am going to start book 2 tomorrow. I love reading.

My life is almost like some awful screenplay that is continually revised.