I'm actually not that stressed about my finals. I really only have one final when I really think about it. The other two are pretty much a "show up and get an A" situation. I'm not complaining.
However, my roommate is attempting suicide on a grand scale.
So she got married on February and has spent every weekend driving between Buffalo and Houghton. She leaves right after class on Fridays and then is back either late Sunday or just before class on Monday. That alone is an emotional roller coaster ride for her and her husband, but now it's finals week.
This morning she ran into our flat, looking like a frazzled chicken avoiding the cutting block. Her eyes were trying to but out of her head and she was out of breath as she dragged everything from the weekend into the apartment. After I said, "Hey there. Need help with anything?"
She said, "No, I've got it." As she plopped her stuff down onto the sectional in our apartment, she straightened and said, "I'm leaving at two."
I sat a little straighter in my chair before I got to my feet and said, "Um..."
"Tomorrow morning I mean," she said as she ran to the counter and set her coffee cup down and then picked it up and took a long swig.
"Two AM?" I asked as I moved my backpack, getting ready to leave our apartment for our 10 o'clock class. She nodded and I said, "Um. Why?"
"'Cause I don't have anything going on tomorrow. My poster presentation isn't till Wednesday."
I'm still a little baffled. So she's leaving at all hours tonight to drive back to Buffalo, plans to spend one day there with her hubby, and then tomorrow night she'll turn around and come back to Houghton to give her senior thesis poster presentation.
Here I thought I was insane for wanting to finish my fifth book by the end of the week.
By 1:30 this afternoon, I found her snoozing in one of the booths in Big Al's. I mean, if anyone could pull off driving an hour and a half every two days just to see her husband and still get an A in all of her classes, it would be my roommate. She's pretty B.A. when it comes to school work. Still though, it doesn't seem healthy.
Although I'm not really the best example of a healthy sleep-schedule individual. I barely average six hours a night. Oh well. I guess together we'll try to keep ourselves from dying.
This time next week, I will be done with college worrying things. Everything will be done, aside from a massive print session to get copies of my books for a bunch of my friends. Crazy to know and wonderful to experience. And surprisingly enough, I'm not scared or worried. Thanks God!
Finals week.
Bring it.
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Nothing. Sorry :(
Currently Listening to: "Paraboss" by LittleKuriboh Ft. ShadyVox & TheAzureCrow
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Overly Emotional
Today I was talking with my friend about how last night I was bawling my eyes out at a character death. I was asking her if I had bothered her as she tried to read a book as I sat at my desk a sniffling, blubbering mess. She mentioned that all she really noticed was that I sniffled a lot. I kept most of my emotions on the wayside, constantly stopping and gathering a breath and wiping away my tears so it wasn't absolutely ridiculous.
Anyway, she then asked, "I wonder if like, Tolkien felt that way when he killed Boromear."
"I don't know. It might just be a girl thing. I don't know if guys would be the type to just sit at their computer or desk or whatever and just cry," I said. I thought it over and said, "I'm gonna write a quick Facebook message and see if any of my fellow writing partners might be able to answer that question."
So I did.
First off, people either don't get on Facebook regularly or they just don't pay attention to when I ask questions. Regardless, I posited this question to see if the many guy writers I knew would offer an answer. It wasn't something I needed to know, but I was curious. Was this just me being overly emotional? I mean, I literally do just sit at my computer with my jaw quivering, tears rolling out of my eyes, sniffles hitting my nose and sobs racking my body whenever I kill a character.
It took a little while, but eventually one of my old profs from Houghton (who now works at Taylor University), said, "I normally don't when I'm writing, but - if I've done my work well - I often do cry when I go back and read the scene fresh after some time has passed. If I haven't done my work well, then I reread and think of the craft elements rather than losing myself in the 'vivid and continuous dream' of the story."
Okay. A grown man, well respected among his peers, a good writer, does cry upon rereading - if he's done a good job writing the scene. Not too bad. I can handle that. So I'm not overly emotional.
Not necessarily.
I was unable to obtain any other perspectives as apparently all of my fellow guy writer friends were either unwilling to answer or didn't see my post. The problem of Facebook. Anyway, I actually feel rather strongly about this. As a female and thus I am prone to being more emotional than a guy (just stereotyping, don't mind me), I feel as though if you can't cry at your own character's death, then how could the audience?
It's a justified question I think. I heard once - whether at a conference or in a class I don't know - that if you as the writer can't get sucked into your own story, then how could you expect the audience to? It's true. If the story you've written doesn't captivate you and pull you in as a writer, then it probably won't grab anyone.
I think the same goes for your character deaths.
Guys probably aren't as likely to sit with a box of Kleenex (or Puffs, whichever you prefer), as they read through a sad part of a book. They might shed a tear, but in a manly way. Whereas a girl will grab the box of Kleenex and bunker down for the long haul, expecting to take a few breaks just to clear the tears from our eyes so we can actually read the words written.
Is this a stereotype, or is it simply that girls are 'more in touch with their emotions'? I think that it doesn't really matter. If a scene is written well enough and if the character resonates, I think it'll impact both man and woman, regardless of how they usually react to things like that. Death isn't a fun thing. And as I write for an ensemble cast in Omniscient Third, I try to give the audience a feel for how everyone is reacting to this particular death, not just one person.
In a way, I think it makes the death of a character a) that much harder to write and b) that much harder to read. Because it's not just you experiencing it now. It's not just the character's death that's happened. It's the character's death and the impact that will have on those around them. It's a whirlwind that the author has to do well to control, otherwise it's just a mass of words jumbled together that are supposed to make you feel something.
Now, as I've said all of this, I don't endorse that I do any of it well. Yes, I have brought my friends to tears throughout my series because of various character deaths, but that doesn't mean I handle the situations well. I am, after all, still a young writer. There's a lot left to learn about myself as a writer and myself as a story-teller.
But I'm definitely going to try my best to do my characters justice. After all, to me, they're real and have been for a long time. They aren't just words on a page, they're living, breathing individuals with pasts, presents and futures. They have hopes and dreams and some of them die. And it hurts.
Good God, does it hurt.
Moving away from the long chat about it all: I'm actually rapidly approaching the end of my fifth book. I didn't think it was going to happen this fast. I haven't even come up to a month yet. And at this rate I'll finish it before the month marker hits. Granted, it helps that I started figuring out the last book a while ago and had a lot of it mapped out, but still.
The only thing I can think is that with all of my free time (because I do have a lot of it), I'm hammering away at the book faster. If I didn't have all the free time I've found in the closing of this semester, then having a deadline like this would be insane. Thankfully, I do have that free time.
Here's to finishing the fifth book before next week!
Happy writing :)
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Um. Nothing. Sorry. I'm being a goober and I'm spending all of my time writing. Wait! No. I'm reading a story by a fellow classmate of mine and writer for senior seminar. I guess that qualifies.
Currently Listening to: "Dive" by Steven Curtis Chapman
Anyway, she then asked, "I wonder if like, Tolkien felt that way when he killed Boromear."
"I don't know. It might just be a girl thing. I don't know if guys would be the type to just sit at their computer or desk or whatever and just cry," I said. I thought it over and said, "I'm gonna write a quick Facebook message and see if any of my fellow writing partners might be able to answer that question."
So I did.
First off, people either don't get on Facebook regularly or they just don't pay attention to when I ask questions. Regardless, I posited this question to see if the many guy writers I knew would offer an answer. It wasn't something I needed to know, but I was curious. Was this just me being overly emotional? I mean, I literally do just sit at my computer with my jaw quivering, tears rolling out of my eyes, sniffles hitting my nose and sobs racking my body whenever I kill a character.
It took a little while, but eventually one of my old profs from Houghton (who now works at Taylor University), said, "I normally don't when I'm writing, but - if I've done my work well - I often do cry when I go back and read the scene fresh after some time has passed. If I haven't done my work well, then I reread and think of the craft elements rather than losing myself in the 'vivid and continuous dream' of the story."
Okay. A grown man, well respected among his peers, a good writer, does cry upon rereading - if he's done a good job writing the scene. Not too bad. I can handle that. So I'm not overly emotional.
Not necessarily.
I was unable to obtain any other perspectives as apparently all of my fellow guy writer friends were either unwilling to answer or didn't see my post. The problem of Facebook. Anyway, I actually feel rather strongly about this. As a female and thus I am prone to being more emotional than a guy (just stereotyping, don't mind me), I feel as though if you can't cry at your own character's death, then how could the audience?
It's a justified question I think. I heard once - whether at a conference or in a class I don't know - that if you as the writer can't get sucked into your own story, then how could you expect the audience to? It's true. If the story you've written doesn't captivate you and pull you in as a writer, then it probably won't grab anyone.
I think the same goes for your character deaths.
Guys probably aren't as likely to sit with a box of Kleenex (or Puffs, whichever you prefer), as they read through a sad part of a book. They might shed a tear, but in a manly way. Whereas a girl will grab the box of Kleenex and bunker down for the long haul, expecting to take a few breaks just to clear the tears from our eyes so we can actually read the words written.
Is this a stereotype, or is it simply that girls are 'more in touch with their emotions'? I think that it doesn't really matter. If a scene is written well enough and if the character resonates, I think it'll impact both man and woman, regardless of how they usually react to things like that. Death isn't a fun thing. And as I write for an ensemble cast in Omniscient Third, I try to give the audience a feel for how everyone is reacting to this particular death, not just one person.
In a way, I think it makes the death of a character a) that much harder to write and b) that much harder to read. Because it's not just you experiencing it now. It's not just the character's death that's happened. It's the character's death and the impact that will have on those around them. It's a whirlwind that the author has to do well to control, otherwise it's just a mass of words jumbled together that are supposed to make you feel something.
Now, as I've said all of this, I don't endorse that I do any of it well. Yes, I have brought my friends to tears throughout my series because of various character deaths, but that doesn't mean I handle the situations well. I am, after all, still a young writer. There's a lot left to learn about myself as a writer and myself as a story-teller.
But I'm definitely going to try my best to do my characters justice. After all, to me, they're real and have been for a long time. They aren't just words on a page, they're living, breathing individuals with pasts, presents and futures. They have hopes and dreams and some of them die. And it hurts.
Good God, does it hurt.
Moving away from the long chat about it all: I'm actually rapidly approaching the end of my fifth book. I didn't think it was going to happen this fast. I haven't even come up to a month yet. And at this rate I'll finish it before the month marker hits. Granted, it helps that I started figuring out the last book a while ago and had a lot of it mapped out, but still.
The only thing I can think is that with all of my free time (because I do have a lot of it), I'm hammering away at the book faster. If I didn't have all the free time I've found in the closing of this semester, then having a deadline like this would be insane. Thankfully, I do have that free time.
Here's to finishing the fifth book before next week!
Happy writing :)
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Um. Nothing. Sorry. I'm being a goober and I'm spending all of my time writing. Wait! No. I'm reading a story by a fellow classmate of mine and writer for senior seminar. I guess that qualifies.
Currently Listening to: "Dive" by Steven Curtis Chapman
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Something Happy
I'm sick of sitting at my computer crying at all hours of the night. I think after I'm done writing my book series, I'm going to write a memoir of sorts. Not necessarily just of my own. I guess it wouldn't be a memoir. I'm not sure what it would be exactly. Just a collection of stories about my family. That would be fun. That would make me laugh far more often than it would make me cry.
So I'm plugging away at my fifth book. I don't rightly know how far into it I am in relation to where the end is, but I know that I'm making headway. I wrote two chapters yesterday, I wrote another two today, and hopefully I can hammer out two more tomorrow. If I keep this up, there's a good chance I'll be done by the weekend of the 5th, which is my unofficial, "Holy crap, you're really going to try this?" deadline. My official "Holy crap, you're really going to try this?" is Graduation. But we'll see about that.
I need to design a magazine cover for my final in Graphic Design and I don't know what to do with it. The little blurbs meant for article stuff on the inside of the magazine are supposed to tell people about me. But I don't know what to write. At first I was just gonna do what everyone does: take a picture of myself and put it on the cover and pretend like one day I'll be semi-successful.
But then my prof saw a photo I had taken of my second book title page and said it was really interesting and he liked that direction. I don't know what to do with it because I was just playing around for kicks.
I've never been good at talking about myself. This blog is the closest I've ever come and mostly I treat it like an online journal. I know few people read it so I never really feel like I'm actually talking about myself. I just come on here and write about my day or my week or whatever. No one actually reads it. Which is fine by me. It gives me something to do when I need to take a break from crying.
Now though, I need to talk about myself and sound assertive, but not egotistical. I need to sound assured, but not cocky. I need to tell people about myself while titling the make believe magazine "The Writing Corner". What else would a magazine by writers, for writers talk about but writing? Reality and a project very rarely co-mingle, and I'm seeing why.
Oh well. I'll figure something out. I've got a few hours tomorrow blocked out for messing around in the computer lab. Maybe I'll be semi-successful.
Happy writing!
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Still Eldest, by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "The Burning Bush" from The Prince of Egypt soundtrack
So I'm plugging away at my fifth book. I don't rightly know how far into it I am in relation to where the end is, but I know that I'm making headway. I wrote two chapters yesterday, I wrote another two today, and hopefully I can hammer out two more tomorrow. If I keep this up, there's a good chance I'll be done by the weekend of the 5th, which is my unofficial, "Holy crap, you're really going to try this?" deadline. My official "Holy crap, you're really going to try this?" is Graduation. But we'll see about that.
I need to design a magazine cover for my final in Graphic Design and I don't know what to do with it. The little blurbs meant for article stuff on the inside of the magazine are supposed to tell people about me. But I don't know what to write. At first I was just gonna do what everyone does: take a picture of myself and put it on the cover and pretend like one day I'll be semi-successful.
But then my prof saw a photo I had taken of my second book title page and said it was really interesting and he liked that direction. I don't know what to do with it because I was just playing around for kicks.
I've never been good at talking about myself. This blog is the closest I've ever come and mostly I treat it like an online journal. I know few people read it so I never really feel like I'm actually talking about myself. I just come on here and write about my day or my week or whatever. No one actually reads it. Which is fine by me. It gives me something to do when I need to take a break from crying.
Now though, I need to talk about myself and sound assertive, but not egotistical. I need to sound assured, but not cocky. I need to tell people about myself while titling the make believe magazine "The Writing Corner". What else would a magazine by writers, for writers talk about but writing? Reality and a project very rarely co-mingle, and I'm seeing why.
Oh well. I'll figure something out. I've got a few hours tomorrow blocked out for messing around in the computer lab. Maybe I'll be semi-successful.
Happy writing!
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Still Eldest, by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "The Burning Bush" from The Prince of Egypt soundtrack
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Rewards
So who wants to get me The Sims 3 plus Pets as a graduation present so I have something to do while I'm in Buffalo for a week waiting for a wedding? Please?
I keep telling myself that I won't ask for (or buy with the few dollars I have), The Sims 3 until I finish my fifth book. Mostly because it'll be a way to reward myself in a small way and then I won't feel bad playing it for hours and hours a day, rather than writing. That game sucks up so much of my life it isn't funny.
So tomorrow marks the beginning of the last week of my college career. There's that pesky Monday the 30th hanging out as the last day, but I count this as my last official week. I'm not going to want to do anything on Monday except be done. My finals will be fairly painless aside from a math one lurking in the distance, so that means that next week will be my packing and fun week while Senior week will be my frantic packing and freaking out week as I try to make sure I have everything of mine that needs to go home and everything that needs to go with me to Buffalo.
And then I'll sit around for a week, waiting for the 19th when one of my friends gets married.
If I make my deadline (which I sincerely hope I do), and finish my fifth book before graduation, then that'll mean that the week I'm in Buffalo I won't have anything pressing to do. At least, I don't think I will. I'm not putting it past myself to suddenly want to tackle the rewrite of my second book or a whole new book entirely in the prequel category of my world.
OH MY GOSH and The Sims 3 plus Pets just dropped to 25 dollars. I need money. Someone, please? Give me a job or pay me to do something? Ugh. This whole process of growing up is hard.
Meanwhile, in the life of me, I've been plugging away at my fifth book and it feels like it's moving along fairly well so far. I'm maybe a third of the way through the book so that's good timing and if I keep up this pace, I'll be able to have it done by graduation. That would be awesome.
In other news, my sister just finished her weekend of performances of The Miracle Worker, in which she played Ann Sullivan, the caretaker and teacher of Hellen Keller. It was a great show and good gracious my sister is a talented actress! It's a shame she doesn't see it herself. She was absolutely mind-blowingly amazing in her performance and had the audience going right along with her. It was really cool to see her be the lead in such a complex show where she has to effectively carry the cast throughout the whole play. She really got into the role and brought it to life, and I think she did Ann Sullivan justice.
Welp, I'm off to keep writing till about 3 am. One day I'll learn to sleep like a normal person.
Happy writing!
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Honestly, nothing. All of my free time is spent in writing. I'm still trudging through Eldest by Christopher Paolini whenever I can pry myself away from my computer.
Currently Listening to: "Unstoppable" by E.S. Posthumus
I keep telling myself that I won't ask for (or buy with the few dollars I have), The Sims 3 until I finish my fifth book. Mostly because it'll be a way to reward myself in a small way and then I won't feel bad playing it for hours and hours a day, rather than writing. That game sucks up so much of my life it isn't funny.
So tomorrow marks the beginning of the last week of my college career. There's that pesky Monday the 30th hanging out as the last day, but I count this as my last official week. I'm not going to want to do anything on Monday except be done. My finals will be fairly painless aside from a math one lurking in the distance, so that means that next week will be my packing and fun week while Senior week will be my frantic packing and freaking out week as I try to make sure I have everything of mine that needs to go home and everything that needs to go with me to Buffalo.
And then I'll sit around for a week, waiting for the 19th when one of my friends gets married.
If I make my deadline (which I sincerely hope I do), and finish my fifth book before graduation, then that'll mean that the week I'm in Buffalo I won't have anything pressing to do. At least, I don't think I will. I'm not putting it past myself to suddenly want to tackle the rewrite of my second book or a whole new book entirely in the prequel category of my world.
OH MY GOSH and The Sims 3 plus Pets just dropped to 25 dollars. I need money. Someone, please? Give me a job or pay me to do something? Ugh. This whole process of growing up is hard.
Meanwhile, in the life of me, I've been plugging away at my fifth book and it feels like it's moving along fairly well so far. I'm maybe a third of the way through the book so that's good timing and if I keep up this pace, I'll be able to have it done by graduation. That would be awesome.
In other news, my sister just finished her weekend of performances of The Miracle Worker, in which she played Ann Sullivan, the caretaker and teacher of Hellen Keller. It was a great show and good gracious my sister is a talented actress! It's a shame she doesn't see it herself. She was absolutely mind-blowingly amazing in her performance and had the audience going right along with her. It was really cool to see her be the lead in such a complex show where she has to effectively carry the cast throughout the whole play. She really got into the role and brought it to life, and I think she did Ann Sullivan justice.
Welp, I'm off to keep writing till about 3 am. One day I'll learn to sleep like a normal person.
Happy writing!
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Honestly, nothing. All of my free time is spent in writing. I'm still trudging through Eldest by Christopher Paolini whenever I can pry myself away from my computer.
Currently Listening to: "Unstoppable" by E.S. Posthumus
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Prolific
When you look that word up in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, you get this definition: "marked by abundant inventiveness or productivity."
My professor for senior seminar keeps calling me this. I can only assume, as he hasn't read my books yet, that he's referring to my productivity. Based on the definition, I agree. My productivity in writing as of late has been rather shocking. Nothing I can explain, sadly. I wish I could give everyone the secret to crazy writing abundance. I really do. But I don't even know how I reached the place I find myself in.
Today, I was tagged in one of my friend's facebook posts. She's a writing major as well and last I spoke with her, she was doing fairly well with her project for our senior seminar class. Anyway, I got onto facebook, just to see if anything interesting was happening and to keep tabs on my family, and I got a notification about being tagged in a post. When I looked at it, she was saying that she wanted to emulate me and "write a book in 24 hours". She was being sarcastic of course. I couldn't imagine writing a book in 24 hours. I don't think it's possible. I just found it kind of strange that someone wanted to emulate me.
On top of that, I keep forgetting that I'm a strange kind of writer. During our group meeting for the fantasy writers of our class, one of my classmates was mentioning that he wrote 800 words on one day and 1,000 on another. And that was a good week.
Then I'm disappointed in myself when I only write 2,500 words in two hours.
Is it really so strange to just sit and write? I don't agonize. I don't think I can. I'm just so stinking motivated to write out my books, I don't think I can stop myself. My will to write outweighs nearly everything else in my life. I'm actually really bummed that this weekend I won't be able to do any writing. I'm going to Messiah to see my sister perform in "The Miracle Worker", and that's 8 hours out of my weekend gone just in traveling. Not to mention the fact that a majority of my family will be around so I won't get anything done.
I dunno. It just makes me re-evaluate whether I'm doing the right thing or not. Because the people who agonize over their writing come out with much better pieces than I do. My work in the past year has accumulated to a large quantity, yes, but to what quality? The rewriting necessary in the coming years will be enough to probably make me want to rip my teeth out. All because I was so stinking eager to write them without thinking them through properly.
Then again, I know I wouldn't have arrived to the conclusions of necessary changes without having written things out and seen where the characters were going and what they were doing.
*Shrug* I guess in the end, it's all for the best. In the end, God knows what's going on. That's good enough for me.
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Eldest by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "Idumea" by The Millikin University Choir
^Yes, I'm listening to that song again. I've had it on repeat for days. I can't get it out of my head. Someone stop me!
My professor for senior seminar keeps calling me this. I can only assume, as he hasn't read my books yet, that he's referring to my productivity. Based on the definition, I agree. My productivity in writing as of late has been rather shocking. Nothing I can explain, sadly. I wish I could give everyone the secret to crazy writing abundance. I really do. But I don't even know how I reached the place I find myself in.
Today, I was tagged in one of my friend's facebook posts. She's a writing major as well and last I spoke with her, she was doing fairly well with her project for our senior seminar class. Anyway, I got onto facebook, just to see if anything interesting was happening and to keep tabs on my family, and I got a notification about being tagged in a post. When I looked at it, she was saying that she wanted to emulate me and "write a book in 24 hours". She was being sarcastic of course. I couldn't imagine writing a book in 24 hours. I don't think it's possible. I just found it kind of strange that someone wanted to emulate me.
On top of that, I keep forgetting that I'm a strange kind of writer. During our group meeting for the fantasy writers of our class, one of my classmates was mentioning that he wrote 800 words on one day and 1,000 on another. And that was a good week.
Then I'm disappointed in myself when I only write 2,500 words in two hours.
Is it really so strange to just sit and write? I don't agonize. I don't think I can. I'm just so stinking motivated to write out my books, I don't think I can stop myself. My will to write outweighs nearly everything else in my life. I'm actually really bummed that this weekend I won't be able to do any writing. I'm going to Messiah to see my sister perform in "The Miracle Worker", and that's 8 hours out of my weekend gone just in traveling. Not to mention the fact that a majority of my family will be around so I won't get anything done.
I dunno. It just makes me re-evaluate whether I'm doing the right thing or not. Because the people who agonize over their writing come out with much better pieces than I do. My work in the past year has accumulated to a large quantity, yes, but to what quality? The rewriting necessary in the coming years will be enough to probably make me want to rip my teeth out. All because I was so stinking eager to write them without thinking them through properly.
Then again, I know I wouldn't have arrived to the conclusions of necessary changes without having written things out and seen where the characters were going and what they were doing.
*Shrug* I guess in the end, it's all for the best. In the end, God knows what's going on. That's good enough for me.
Currently Writing: Revelation
Currently Reading: Eldest by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "Idumea" by The Millikin University Choir
^Yes, I'm listening to that song again. I've had it on repeat for days. I can't get it out of my head. Someone stop me!
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