Seriously, someone just write my query letter for me.
Selling myself has never been my strong suit. I'll sell my books till kingdom come, but the moment someone then begins to ask about my qualifications and how I'm fitted to write, I become a stammering mess. Even just writing it out for the query has been rough. I think I've utilized the backspace far more frequently then I've ever anticipated.
After all this time, I thought for sure that writing a one page query letter would be easy as pie. It's basically End Game: Condensed. Like the back of a book cover. A brief synopsis and a smigin about yourself, the author.
Why does anyone want to know about me in the first place?
I want to write because I've got this silly epic story in my head, not 'cause I want people to care about me. If I wanted attention, I would have done like, music or something. God knows I can sing (when I want to). So why does anyone need to know about me? I'm just the one splattering words against a screen and then holding it up yelling, "I MAED DIS."
Yes, I did just become slightly stupid. Because that's how I feel sometimes. Sometimes I feel like the otter in that meme, screaming to the world, "LOOK. Now do something with it please!" Only I don't think otters say please.
In other news, my sister graduates from college on Saturday.
Epic adventuring to all! And to all a good night!
Currently Reading: Brisinger by Christopher Paolini
Currently Listening to: "Paperman" by Christope Beck
Showing posts with label boo to waiting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boo to waiting. Show all posts
Friday, May 17, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Sometimes I Want to Punch Past Me
I don't talk well.
Unless I'm super comfortable with someone, I just don't communicate my opinions, beliefs and views very well. I can communicate - don't get me wrong. I'm stellar at telling people the facts about things. But the moment I need to stand up for myself, my beliefs, my thoughts, my actions, whatever, I flounder and sputter and for some reason, my mind goes absolutely blank.
This is a primary reason why I'm perfectly content listening and not talking. Especially to good talkers. People that are excellent at always conveying how they think, feel or whatever captivate me. It's as though I think that by listening to them constantly I'll somehow learn how to do what they do. But regardless of it all, I somehow lose all semblance of intelligence during these situations of deep conversations about, well, anything.
My mind sort of goes white and the slew of thoughts I always have fade into obscurity when I try to recall capable opinions. I find myself saying "um", "uh" and "well", a lot. Conviction is not something I'm good at speaking with. It's in my arsenal - I know it is. I can do it when I'm with someone I'm comfortable with. I have spoken on a number of occasions with friends & family members with such conviction that I've made them rethink their views on things.
But most times, I just wind up faltering. Inevitably, I hate past me for being so incoherent. Why couldn't I have just said this instead of that? Why did I keep trying? What was my goal in saying that? Seriously, that was the best I could come up with? Why am I having better answers to so-and-so's questions now then I did when we were actually talking?
This frustration causes not only a great deal of stress on my life, but it also makes me feel really regretful. I know that I haven't done the person I was talking to justice at all and I wind up feeling inadequate. I know I'm intelligent (sometimes). But when these situations arise, I find myself feeling like a frightened child that doesn't know right from wrong or up from down. What's two plus two? I feel like I can't even answer that question when I'm put in these situations.
Then whomever I'm talking to thinks I get mad at them, when I just get mad at myself. 'Cause I can't talk well.
How do you prepare yourself at all times to be ready for these sorts of things, regardless of who you're talking to or where? Is it possible to become more steadfast in that ability? Or are some people just unable to do what I find so incredibly awesome - speak with conviction about everything you believe in. Why can't that just be in my skill set?
...
Wow, this was a whole lot more ranty than I had intended.
In other news, Camp Nano was completed by the skin of my teeth and I'm not happy with any of it, but I got another 50k words written. That means something, right?
Hope your adventures have been less harrowing than my own! I kind of want to redo this past week.
Currently Listening to: "A Thousand Years" The Piano Guys cover
Unless I'm super comfortable with someone, I just don't communicate my opinions, beliefs and views very well. I can communicate - don't get me wrong. I'm stellar at telling people the facts about things. But the moment I need to stand up for myself, my beliefs, my thoughts, my actions, whatever, I flounder and sputter and for some reason, my mind goes absolutely blank.
This is a primary reason why I'm perfectly content listening and not talking. Especially to good talkers. People that are excellent at always conveying how they think, feel or whatever captivate me. It's as though I think that by listening to them constantly I'll somehow learn how to do what they do. But regardless of it all, I somehow lose all semblance of intelligence during these situations of deep conversations about, well, anything.
My mind sort of goes white and the slew of thoughts I always have fade into obscurity when I try to recall capable opinions. I find myself saying "um", "uh" and "well", a lot. Conviction is not something I'm good at speaking with. It's in my arsenal - I know it is. I can do it when I'm with someone I'm comfortable with. I have spoken on a number of occasions with friends & family members with such conviction that I've made them rethink their views on things.
But most times, I just wind up faltering. Inevitably, I hate past me for being so incoherent. Why couldn't I have just said this instead of that? Why did I keep trying? What was my goal in saying that? Seriously, that was the best I could come up with? Why am I having better answers to so-and-so's questions now then I did when we were actually talking?
This frustration causes not only a great deal of stress on my life, but it also makes me feel really regretful. I know that I haven't done the person I was talking to justice at all and I wind up feeling inadequate. I know I'm intelligent (sometimes). But when these situations arise, I find myself feeling like a frightened child that doesn't know right from wrong or up from down. What's two plus two? I feel like I can't even answer that question when I'm put in these situations.
Then whomever I'm talking to thinks I get mad at them, when I just get mad at myself. 'Cause I can't talk well.
How do you prepare yourself at all times to be ready for these sorts of things, regardless of who you're talking to or where? Is it possible to become more steadfast in that ability? Or are some people just unable to do what I find so incredibly awesome - speak with conviction about everything you believe in. Why can't that just be in my skill set?
...
Wow, this was a whole lot more ranty than I had intended.
In other news, Camp Nano was completed by the skin of my teeth and I'm not happy with any of it, but I got another 50k words written. That means something, right?
Hope your adventures have been less harrowing than my own! I kind of want to redo this past week.
Currently Listening to: "A Thousand Years" The Piano Guys cover
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Pictures in my Head
I think if someone were to sit in my brain for even one hour as I listened to music, they would lock me up in a nice padded cell. That doesn't even take my facial expressions as I'm writing into account.
Not only am I prone to quite literally talking to myself as I write (it's how I do dialogue. I can't just imagine something in my head - I have to hear it spoken. It's how I like to make sure the wording is natural. aka, would someone actually say this?), but I glare, frown, grit my teeth at and roll my eyes at my computer screen when I write. Without really thinking it through, I wind up acting out the actions of the person I'm writing about.
There was this one time in my senior seminar class when I realized I was doing this very thing. In a classroom. Filled with other students. Other students that could see me. Now, they were all writers. In theory, they understand the stupidity of what I'm doing. That fact didn't stop me from looking around with wide eyes and then hunching closer to my computer, trying to hide. Just in case anyone noticed.
As though this isn't a big enough worry. I know I'm quite prone to fully engulfing my mind into a character or scene - especially when I'm: 1) alone, 2) listening to music and 3) in my car. So I'm sure there are times when someone drives past me on the highway and glances over to see me screaming or crying or laughing at absolutely nothing. At least, to them it's absolutely nothing. To me, it might be the death of a character and I'm mourning them.
To the outside observer though, I'm just plain nuts.
Sometimes I want to walk up to someone after I've wandered off to imaginary land and ask them, "What were you just thinking about me as I stared off into space?" I get this sense that they'll ask, "What? I didn't even notice that you had done anything different." Because that's just how my life works.
I'm going slightly batty. I want feedback on my query so I can just send it out and start trying to find an agent. But the people I've asked for feedback from haven't gotten back to me. Frowny face. In all honesty, I've got this knotted feeling in my gut about it all. I'm beginning to feel the same way I did five years ago after I had written the initial draft of Genesis; can I just fast forward to a few years from now when this is all over and pick up after the hard part?
The hard part is where the greatest growth happens. I have to keep telling myself that.
Happy adventuring my fellow warriors. Press on through whatever hurdles you find yourself facing. You're strong enough to endure the struggle.
Currently Writing: Zero Point One
Currently Listening to: "4am" by Kaskade
Not only am I prone to quite literally talking to myself as I write (it's how I do dialogue. I can't just imagine something in my head - I have to hear it spoken. It's how I like to make sure the wording is natural. aka, would someone actually say this?), but I glare, frown, grit my teeth at and roll my eyes at my computer screen when I write. Without really thinking it through, I wind up acting out the actions of the person I'm writing about.
There was this one time in my senior seminar class when I realized I was doing this very thing. In a classroom. Filled with other students. Other students that could see me. Now, they were all writers. In theory, they understand the stupidity of what I'm doing. That fact didn't stop me from looking around with wide eyes and then hunching closer to my computer, trying to hide. Just in case anyone noticed.
As though this isn't a big enough worry. I know I'm quite prone to fully engulfing my mind into a character or scene - especially when I'm: 1) alone, 2) listening to music and 3) in my car. So I'm sure there are times when someone drives past me on the highway and glances over to see me screaming or crying or laughing at absolutely nothing. At least, to them it's absolutely nothing. To me, it might be the death of a character and I'm mourning them.
To the outside observer though, I'm just plain nuts.
Sometimes I want to walk up to someone after I've wandered off to imaginary land and ask them, "What were you just thinking about me as I stared off into space?" I get this sense that they'll ask, "What? I didn't even notice that you had done anything different." Because that's just how my life works.
I'm going slightly batty. I want feedback on my query so I can just send it out and start trying to find an agent. But the people I've asked for feedback from haven't gotten back to me. Frowny face. In all honesty, I've got this knotted feeling in my gut about it all. I'm beginning to feel the same way I did five years ago after I had written the initial draft of Genesis; can I just fast forward to a few years from now when this is all over and pick up after the hard part?
The hard part is where the greatest growth happens. I have to keep telling myself that.
Happy adventuring my fellow warriors. Press on through whatever hurdles you find yourself facing. You're strong enough to endure the struggle.
Currently Writing: Zero Point One
Currently Listening to: "4am" by Kaskade
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