Lackluster

Another November, another NaNoWriMo. I find myself entering this year's goal with a lackluster manner. Almost a "meh" mentality. Like I can't get myself to be excited about writing. Which seems so strange. After such a phenomenal year my senior year of college where I spat out book after book, I don't know how to get myself back onto the bandwagon.

I look back at my writing life and think about how it all happened. If I'm honest with myself, I see a pattern forming. I write a book (or several), and then take a five year hiatus where I don't write much of anything. That's what happened before. I wrote my first draft of my first book and then didn't do squat for close to three or four years. Then I word-vomited five books and a novella in a year. And now here I am, struggling to find the words to even write a short blog post.

I don't know if this is due to a lackluster view on life that I have at the moment, or if this is due to simply a lackluster view on my writing. You're always your worst critic - or so I believe - and because of that, I think I, like many others, am prone to thinking too little of myself and my talents. Part of that is simply because I don't want to be big-headed. But there's something to be said for having at least a little pride in what you do and how good you are at it.

So, essentially, I'm going to tackle another NaNoWriMo and this year my hope is that when it's over, I find myself enlivened to write something new. Or at the very least, to really reengage my pursuit of publishing. I lost that fire pretty quickly when none of the agents responded or turned me down. Which seems silly, 'cause I know that there's always a million no's.

If I'm brutally honest with myself though, I admit that those million no's have 100% gotten to me in the worst way.

Exhaustion is the New Normal

Holy CRAP it's been a while. Proof that I've been spending a lot of time at work.

So, as I said almost three months ago, I'm at a new store. It's been a pretty rough ride these past few months. Lots of changes in the building (some directly because of me pointing out problems), and a good deal of insanity has resulted in me becoming nearly burnt out.

Why you ask? Because last Tuesday, my district manager walked into the building and declared our store a radical recovery. That led to me working a twenty and a half hour day. That's right. I walked in at 6:45 in the morning on Tuesday. I didn't leave until 3:15 Wednesday morning.

Yeah.

I'll be honest though, I'm learning a lot. Sure, I'm exhausted and can't wait until I have a vacation. But at least I'm trying to remain positive. I know I'm running low on my personal battery known as energy, however I think that all in all, this whole experience will merit some good growth on my end. So as I was blocking my store at 2 am last Wednesday, I remember thinking, "God is preparing me for something. I don't have a clue what it is, but He's certainly getting me ready for it."

Now I'm just kind of wondering what that something is. It's around the corner, it's just beyond reach. I'll just keep walking until I get to whatever that something is.

Meanwhile, I've had Pinkerton almost three months now. He's a huge cuddle bug, eats too much, sleeps all day while I'm at work, likes to chase squirrels up trees, and has a new best friend in Niki's new puppy. Right now he's acting like a cat and oozing off my bed as he sleeps. And there's white fur everywhere. I vacuum three times a week and it never ends.

For you writers out there, get your pens ready! NaNoWriMo is on the horizon! In just one short month, the race to a completed novel will begin. Originally, I was going to rewrite my third book because it very desperately needs it. However the other night, I was talking with a friend and he requested that I write a story about his life. A biography of sorts. He's excited about it and I've never done anything like that before. And seeing as I've been exploring all sorts of new things lately, I thought, "Why not?"

So sharpen the pencils and get your pen refills kids. The adventure is only just beginning.

Currently Reading: Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
Currently Listening to: "Clarity" by Zedd