Twilight: The Rant

We will now take a moment to discuss something that has become a crazy, uncontrolled cult.

"Twilight"

This series of books, for some reason, has completely overcome the population of American Teenagers, high school students, and even, dare I say it, college students. Even some parents are going nuts over these books. And me, a writer, has to wonder, "Why?"

I know some friends, and even some people that I have come to debate books often with, have come to absolutely love these books. Me? I don't quite understand it. This is going to be my rant on my, apparent, inability to understand why these are "amazing" or "stunning" books.

First, saying that the books are not my favorite and that I find them relatively childlike does not mean that I rebuke the idea Stephanie Meyer (or however you spell her last name) has brought to the world for our entertainment. In fact I quite admire her for her creativity in that aspect. I sincerely enjoy the idea behind bringing the myths of vampires and werewolves into the modern age and incorporating it rather well (at times).

But, that doesn't mean that I own every book and reread them until pages fall out.

My first, major concern with her writing is this; the spelling and grammatical errors that she so frequently has within the full confines of the books. If it were just the first one, I'd look it over, but it's throughout all four! The way she adds comas randomly and occasionally puts words in that do not need to be there, (take note to the back cover of the first book. "unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him"? What's the need for irrevocably to be used in that sentence? Aside for everyone to quote it non-stop thinking it's an amazing bit of literature).

By the time I got to the fourth book, which yes, I did read them all and I did see the movie. I don't judge a series until I've read the fullness of it. Without the full understanding of all the books in the series, (no matter how dull), who am I to write a rant such as the one I'm currently writing? Anyway, by the time I made it to the book three of book four, I wanted to take my pen and start marking up the book I was borrowing. Every single freakin' time that someone said "Yeah, me too", she adds a coma! It's not like, once in a blue moon there's another coma, it's EVERY time. "Yeah, me, too".

Who speaks like that? Do you pause between each word in a three word sentence? I normally don't, not that I'm an example of excellent diction or grammatical skills. Here, I'll explain. When I read "Yeah, me, too", I read it in my head as "Yeah...me...too". Because comas are used as pauses. Otherwise, there's no use for them! Ellipsis (that's what ... is called), are meant to be used as a reference guide. When you see ..., it means that there was more text there, but it was irrelevant to whatever the quotation is. (My dictionary defines it as "omission or suppression of parts of words or sentences").

My second major gripe with Twilight is the...third (?) book, Stephanie Meyer throws a gigantic monkey wrench into Bella's life by having Jacob so obsessed with her, (not that Bella should care, she'd rather have Edward, who stalks her, breaks into her house and watches her as she sleeps than a normal human being), that he's convinced that by kissing her, she'll fall in love with him.

I really would love someone to explain that theory to me. Does that mean that if I want someone to love me, and if we're meant to be together, I can just walk up to them and start making out with them? See, in the real world, (which is where this story is supposed to take place mind you), that would be grounds to have a restraining order put on not only me, but Jacob himself. In theory, Bella could have a court keep him fifty feet away from her, otherwise he could go to jail. I know, I know, it's no fun that way.

Seriously though, when, what, halfway through the book and everyone's like, "newborn vampires, aaah!", and for some reason Bella asks Jacob to kiss her, (I can't remember why, I honstly wasn't paying that much attention), and suddenly, it's like a spotlight went off in Bella's head. Suddenly, out of the blue, she comes to the realization that she's actually, (fancy this), in love with Jacob just as she's in love with Edward.

Because, in parallel skewed reality, you can be "unconditionally and irrevocably in love" with two people at the same time.

Like I said, I would gladly welcome an understanding to this theory. You too Stephanie Meyer! You're welcome to comment! Not that I expect someone like her to be reading a blog by someone like me.

The next thorn in the side of the Twilight series is book two. Yes, the whole thing. Well, maybe not the whole thing. I think I enjoyed a total of three chapters. Yeah, those last three. When Edward came back and there seemed to be a life to the story again. The other majority of the book? I wanted to rip out and burn. It was absolutely horrible.

No one wants to read about a depressive child whining and complaining about how completely and utterly destroyed her life is that "the only man she'll ever love", (even though in book three she realizes she's in love with Jacob too), is gone from her life. I literally wanted to find a way to manifest Bella so I could beat her up. I was tired of hearing about how her life sucked. The whole time, I kept chanting in my head, as if it would somehow change what had already been written in the book, "cry me a river, build me a bridge and get the heck over it". Life sucks, and then you die. Well, not her apparently.

But it wasn't just emo depressive Bella that made me detest reading book two. No, I think what I hated more was Edward, Mr. I'm-so-intelligent-and-wise-from-my-immortal-life-of-forever-that-I-don't-need-to-listen-to-the-woman-I-love idiot. (That sentence took far too much concentration). He blatently ignores her pleas in the beginning of the book and leaves her. Litterally picks up and runs away. Then he's freakin' miserable too. Rather than, oh, I don't know, listen to one another and talk it out, he's wuss and runs away from the problem, rather than attack it head on. He continually acts, throughout the entire series, like he's always going to know better than anyone else.

I know he's stuck at the physical age of 17, but for Christ's sake, mature a little! You're past puberty, and mentally he should be mature enough to handle a situation like this. Or at least get advice from Carlile. I feel like Carlile would be the number one person to address issues such as the ones he and Bella face with. But Edward walks around as if, because he's a vampire and is immortal, that he will forever be perfect and have and understanding beyond anyone else.

Yeah, he can read minds. Woopdie freakin' doo. I don't care. I doubt Bella cared. She was in love with him, and he claimed to be in love with her till the end of time, yet he never actually listens to her ideas or theories or anything! Some "perfect" man.

My final gripe about Twilight: the media hype.

Not that media hype is bad! And not that every story doesn't deserve it's own following. It's more of that everywhere I go it's "Twilight this" and "Twilight that". Enough already! I read the books, I watched the movie - twice at that - and still it's all I see. I walk into Wal-mart and that's all they're advertizing. I turn on my computer and open my e-mail and I've got Borders telling me to get the "best DVD of the year".

Did anyone even watch the movie?

It was, quite possibly, one of the most absurdidly awkward hour and a half of my life - and it wasn't even my life! It was watching this really horribly directed and lighted and casted movie unfold before me. I could feel myself shrinking as the movie progressed, hoping to somehow manifest through the floor and out the door so I wouldn't be seen watching it. It wasn't the worst movie I've seen, (that honor goes to Napolean Dynamite), but it was pretty bad.

Now then. I believe I am done. My next entry will be on Harry Potter. Yes, I know, I may wind up getting run over or shot at or even (heaven forbid) glared at, but I must voice my opinion on how Miss Rowling did such a wonderfully horrid job writing out her stories.

Isn't That the Point Anyway?

As I come home from work, around eleven at night, I find my mom, still sitting up trying to find things for the wedding in less than two weeks. I sit up with her until midnight trying to offer advice, (what little I have) to help ease the situation. I give her a couple of sites online to look at in hopes that maybe, one of them will find something cheap that won't add more stress to my poor mom.

At one point, while looking at her, tired and worn out from the entire situation, I asked "What's the point of this anyway?"

She asked what I meant, and I said, "Well, isn't the whole point of this day we're gonna celebrate be all about Jon and Mallory wanting to spend the rest of their lives together? If that's the case, then why the heck does it matter that we've gotta have fifty dollar tablecloths?" She responded that with something like this, which I finished, "Yeah, appearance is everything."

This, among many other things I can point out, is what makes us as human beings, and Americans, stupid.

Why you ask? Because the whole day is gonna be about my brother finding someone he wants to grow old with - and her wanting to grow old with him! So why in God's name do we have to worry about making sure that we all look nice and that the tables look nice and that the flowers look nice and that the cake looks nice and that we look nice?? Why can't I just show up in blue jeans and a semi-dressy t-shirt? Why is it that if I did show up like that I would be shunned and looked down upon?? Because at a wedding a girl is supposed to be all pretty and have her hair made up and walk around in really uncomfortable high heeled shoes and wear a dress that is obscenely annoying to walk around in and look happy at all moments because at a wedding, girls don't have many options on behavior. You're either smiling because you're just "so happy for everyone", or you're crying because, "everyone cries at a wedding".

Psha. America is stupid. My brother and his lovely and wonderful fiancee should have just eloped. It would have saved a boatload of stress on everyone involved.

Me? If I ever get married, plan on having it on a mountain or in the middle of nowhere with my close friends and family and wearing either blue jeans and a t-shirt or a really freakin' simple dress. Nothing fancy - heck, it may even be something I've worn eight hundred times! But nothing big or crazy. So what if I get angry letters asking why so-and-so and what's-his-face didn't get invited? SUCK IT UP! Weddings are expensive! Not everyone has an endless wallet that only grows and never shrinks. And not everyone can pull one off with their sanity in tact.

My poor mom stays up all night and then gets up early for work and then comes home and worries and works more on this wedding. I feel helpless - which I am - and want nothing more but to smack everyone that says "appearance matters". It does, yes, but it shouldn't. I really, really shouldn't. This day, this coming April 4th is going to be a day my brother and his wife remember for the rest of their lives. So why should it matter what the table looked like or whether the flowers were real? Who cares?? They're happy!

Okay, my fingers hurt from typing so fast. I'm gonna end this rant here. Tune in tomorrow for a rant on Harry Potter and Twilight. That's right fans, I'm gonna obliterate those stories like nobodies business. Why? 'Cause I, like you, am entitled to an opinion.

Rewrite

The next edition of my book needs to be written. Either that or I need to find a way to get in touch with people in hollywood to get the idea rolling. Because I just don't have enough time in the day to write it right now - dang it all.

Jon and Josh's birthday was today, which was fun. I was able to get off work, thankfully, to enjoy the family dinner and then attempting to go out bowling with the guys, Niki, Mallory, Rebecca, Kevin and Elissa. After bowling fell through, we went back home to go about playing a game that I was, basically, terrible at.

Next in line is Nancy, who turns 19 and has been accepted to college at Messiah college. Lord willing, I'll be accepted to Houghton and not be left behind. I think I'd be forced to move out or something in order to keep myself feeling at all the age I am.

This week is spring break, thank goodness. Which equates to me being given the opportunity to sleep a bit. Take tomorrow, for example, I plan on sleeping until nine and then writing - or trying to write - until noon. Eating lunch, then writing again until about four when mom and I will be going shopping for dresses for the wedding.

Yes, the wedding - in less than two weeks. Oh gosh, where'd the time go??

My brain feels like goo. Whenever I get an idea, I don't know, exactly, how to get it down on paper. I've been reading over notes my brother's have left me regarding the first draft of my book and I find it interesting - their comments anyway. Josh's are very uplifting, saying that I've got brilliant writing, some things are really good, while Jon was tearing the book apart. Josh did too, but in less harsh ways.

I find it intriguing. And refreshing, to know that they can be honest with me about my writing and my concepts. Granted, I am only twenty years old and it is my first shot at anything resembling a novel. I hope to anything that this book can be what I see in my head, but I don't know if it'll be what I keep praying for.

I've got some growing up to do first.

I've gotta get going. It's about time for bed. After - of course - watching Star Trek trailers to pass the time until May (Because it's so far away!).

For now, goodnight!

"College is like war. There are periods of complete and utter panic followed by a mass of time filled with tedium."

"So, radiation doesn't have a half life after all."
"It has a half a half a half life."

"Bananas are going extinct. Natural bananas. We eat too much apparently."
"But bananas will still be around right? It's not like in a couple of years I'll walk into a store and ask for banans and be told, 'sorry, they're extinct'."

"My dad is driving one mile an hour under the speed limit in protest of the liberals. He claims that driving that slow is the same as taking away liberals drugs, cappuccinos and abortions. I don't know how, but that's his logic."

"Guys keeping warm is God's way of getting women near them."

"A Swedish massage? They basically beat you up."

Fans. Horrid Fans

As you know, I, am a nerd.

Currently, I am sitting on my computer, watching Star Trek, the original series, occasionally pausing it to watch trailers and interviews for Star Trek XI, coming out in less than two months. I read through blogs, comments on videos, and random sayings on the internet of fans regarding the new movie. Half are relatively open to the new movie by J.J. Abrams, (who, by the way, has never messed anything up), while the other half whine, complain and moan about how terrible it'll be.

Some fans then continue to go on about how any true fan would never watch this movie because it's nothing like the original series. Others go on to say that it's going to be nothing more than a flashy, CGI enhanced movie without any real plot or storyline. They say they'll boycott it by not going to see the movie, by not endorsing it in any fashion.

I want to grab through my computer and smack these people.

I understand; okay? I'm a fan too. Yes, it's not going to be the original series - that's impossible. No matter how much you wish it, it can't be done. But for the love of Christ, please, do not be ignorant and instead, be open to the idea of a new movie, a new take on an old and loved classic. The movie isn't even out yet! If you judge it before it's given the chance to fly, then how is it expected to be anything more than your preconceived ideas?

They'll go to the movie, watch it, and critique it as if they have any power over anything. People like that make me really frustrated. Who are they to condemn a movie? An idea? And upon walking out of this movie will claim it was just as bad as they said and they were right. Then they'll go on to claim that anyone that does like the movie was never a fan - not a true one.

What is a fan then? As fans, people to watch the show and fall in love with it's premise and characters, are we not supposed to be open to any road that the franchise may take us? To continue it and bring it into a new era? A new generation for others to fall in love with, as we once did?

I'd like to think that, as a fan, I should be open to any new movie, or premise, that may come along before I say it was terrible. You can never judge a movie based off of the trailer. It's impossible. I just went to see Watchmen and decided that it fell far shorter than the original graphic novel. But that's just me. Someone else out there will embrace it fully and say it's the best movie ever. Will I condemn the movie and make them feel inferior for liking it? No. That would be, above all things, childish.

This isn't a theory I have based solely off of the Star Trek fans, but the Stargate fans as well. As very few people outside of the Science Fiction universe know, Stargate Atlantis was canceled and instead, a new series is green lit and going to be continuing the franchise. And fans are saying the exact same things regarding Stargate Universe as they are Star Trek XI. What's worse is that Universe hasn't even got a trailer or spoiler to defend itself with! It's in preproduction. And already people are saying it will be the worst thing ever.

It's something that really gets me saddened when I see someone who claims to be a fan of a show their whole life blowing off it's evolution solely because it doesn't fit their idea of what it is. They are one out of a million fans, all of whom have very little control over the overall outcome. The only thing we can do, as fans, is to either make it as great as it could be, or let it drown. If most fans listen to those nay-sayers, and don't go to the movie, yes, it will sink, and quickly. But if we are open to it, it could be the greatest thing to happen to Star Trek in years. Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner have given this movie their blessing - perhaps you should too.

And what's with saying the casting was wrong?

Give them a chance. Give them as actors - who do this for a living - a chance to show you what they can do. Do not be blinded by your own ideals and say that they were wrong. If you do harbor ill feelings regarding the new movie, keep them to yourself until the movie actually comes out. Please, for the sake of those with hope.

*Sigh*

I write this as if someone will read it and say, "Yeah! I agree totally!", but I know that it will go unnoticed. I only wish people recognized what I wrote and took it to heart, but this blog is a speck among millions of others out on the internet.

So to those that did read this; give everything that happens to your favorite TV show a chance before shooting them down. If you truly are someone that lives and breathes a show, then you, as a fan, have a duty to allow it it's chances, and follow it.

But that's just me. Little ol' me.