Thoughts On Life and Death

What is the purpose?

I pondered this question as I strolled into work today. As the rain began to fall on an abnormally warm day, I just began to wonder, in the grand scheme of things, what's the point? Why waste so much time, energy and overall stress on working at school, a job, getting money, etc, when in the end, none of it matters? I am going to die one day. I've accepted that fact and almost, in a way, welcome it. When I die, I'll go to heaven and live for eternity - so why work my butt off earning money that will not follow me into the real life I've been destined to lead?

These are the things I think about on a daily basis. I know; I'm kind of screwed up.

It's just that I don't understand the idea God's got behind me working so hard at school and spending all of my energies towards working so as to be able to pay off said school bills only to have it one day, ultimately, amount to nothing? I know this question will never be answered. I'll probably wonder about it endlessly until the day my heart decides to stop pumping blood into my brain. It's one of the things I can probably never, truly, grasp.

As a human being, I suppose we're just too stupid to understand our own purpose. Our own meaning behind our actions. Finding solace in the fact that God does is enough I guess. I'm just too stupid to admit that it is enough that He's got a better idea what's going on than I do.

As I've said in past entries, I really have come to enjoy TV shows like Bones, Heroes, and Fringe. As I watch these shows, I just have to wonder, do these people, that I sit down to watch on TV every week, ever grapple with the same questions I do? Do they ever contemplate their soul and what it means? Do they ever wonder what'll happen when they die?

I like to think that, eventually, the thought pops into people's heads where they think, "I'm gonna die one day. I wonder what'll happen". But the reality, I suppose, is that most people just don't care. They're content with the here and now and don't want to think too far ahead.

I just wonder how they survive like that.

"I have to poke you a couple of times first. And then when you didn't wake up, that's when I yelled Billy." "I'll just say, 'Hi, my name's Susan, and I'm a robot'." "Here's your new name tag." [holds up a piece of paper that says "Big Mouth] "Hey! Jack of all trades, master of none!" "Get happy." "Football players should not have their heads chopped off and continue to play." "How hard is it to write about yourself?"
"Oh, kajoodles!"
"So, apparently, three things all sound the same; trains, tornadoes, and a raging inferno."
"So what, it's the Father, the Son, and the Niece?"
"Who knows, maybe they [The Trinity] all have special names for one another. Maybe Jesus' special name is...Harry."
"Hey, God loves tone def people!"
"There's no brownie in this brownie."
"And then there's a song in between. It's like a good musical."
"A giant Jesus will come and stomp on people."
"It's only a lie if people believe what you say is the truth."
"Man, I wish I had footnotes."
"I just like how it says, 'the terrible wrath of God, who, by the way, lives forever and ever'."
"You'll love me dangit."
"I walk around and say, 'Hey Mac Daddy'! And no one knows what I'm talking about."

"It's the Devil's Bible?"
"It's the evil Bible."
"What, does it go 'muahaha' when you open it?"

"Everyone knows the song of Moses. In Heaven you kind of just know."
"Yeah, the worship leaders get their guitars and lead us in singing."
"It's kind of like in movies when everyone starts singing along - because they all know the words - and when the song ends everyone goes back to like, sweeping."

"It's the second book."
"That's the beginning."
"No, the beginning is Genesis. Hence the name."

"That's what causes people to commit suicide."
"Migranes?"

"Why do you think no one's allowed in the temple?"
"'Cause it's filled with smoke?"

That Accursed Borg Mentality

Is it so much to ask for people to have their own, individual thoughts? Or must everything be a shared consciousness?

This, of course, is regarding people - customers specifically. I could be standing around, twittling my thumbs, waiting for something to do. Enjoying time to just think, maybe get some cleaning done. And then, out of the freakin' woodwork, everyone decides they need this, that and the other thing, all right now, right away. It's especially frustrating at Copy Center, and what can make it worse is when they all require different machines and time.

It's almost as if people are afraid of doing things alone. Even standing at a counter waiting for something. Everyone seems so terrified of making their own single decision, and would rather walk around aimlessly, waiting for someone else to make a decision and then follow it.

But beyond this, what drives me nuts about people is their inability to admit that they screwed up. Some customers I have to deal with, I'll do diagnostics on or a tune up that tells me I should do a data transfer or a reformat or virus removal, but then they'll say, 'no I can do it'. Then, a couple of weeks later, they'll come in, the computer's crashed, and then they yell at me.

I love it when customers tell me that their stupid moronic ability to not listen turns into me ruining their computer. Even at copy center we'll have jobs like this, where customers get angry at us because they didn't listen to our advice.

I don't get paid and come into work to lie to people. I really don't. I don't sell stuff to people in false senses of security just because I like to laugh about it later when I'm sitting in the break room. We're retail people. Me, my coworkers, my managers, we're trying to help people. But naturally, everyone, in today's society, is so worried about spending too much money that they can't listen to reason.

I wouldn't sell something I don't believe in.

*Sigh*

Anyway, what's new in my life? Absolutely nothing. I spend my time at work and school, sleep very little, and am on the verge of getting sick with whatever has circulated through the house. Next week I start a horse riding class, which I'm looking forward to, but I'm somewhat frustrated at my choice of class times. I'm barely going to have time to sleep. I know I'm going to have to put my book on hold.

That's what's frustrating. All I want to do is write my book, get it into another draft, and then eventually publish it. But I can't do that in school. Not while working thirty-five hours a week at Staples. It just doesn't seem viable. Or healthy.

I'm done for now. Gonna go watch Bones some more before going to work.