Back to Reality....

Is it bad that, even in my blessing of having a job that pays me well and being able to just, walk back into the building and pop right back into my spot as it was three and a half months ago, I feel as though I'm betraying another part of me?

I'm back home. Home. In Sellersville. And, naturally, with coming home for longer than five days, I'm back to work at Staples. How does that feel? Well, it's comforting to know that I'll have spending money - as it always is. But there's the flip side of now I feel as though I have no time. Yes, it's nice that I'm spending 38 hours this week at work, which could very well mean a nice fat paycheck next Thursday waiting for me, but at the same time, each day it's a shift right in the middle of the day. Which means that, by the time I get home, my family's already spent time together and already have stories that I can't be a part of because I wasn't there in the first place. And things are never as funny if you're just hearing about it, rather than being there when it happens.

So I feel like I'm being left out. I know that my job is a blessing, something that God gave me to keep me on my feet and let me still be allowed to run about and have spending money even when I'm not working. I know this. But...

My brain automatically asks, "what about the relationships? what about the people in your life you care the most about that you can't spend time with, because you're too busy working?"

*Sigh* I don't know. I assume that one day things may make sense again; when I don't have to devote so much time doing something that I view as being extremely temporary. I don't know if my outlook is a good thing, or a bad thing. My outlook on life is that one day I will die; and when I die, I will go to heaven, and dwell with God forever. So what does that mean for the life that I'm living and the time that I'm spending sitting in Staples thinking things like, "Oh goodness, it's only been two hours?!"

It makes me automatically think, "Well, let's just quit and go spend time with people, because people are what's important!"

It also makes me look insane. Whenever I tell people about my 'philosophy', sometimes I get nods, sometimes I get people that say that's a fancy way of saying that I'm lazy, and others look at me as if I've got eighty heads. Or if I'd just said something inane, like...I'm a dragon and will one day breathe fire on someone I hate just for the fun of it.

See? Crazy. (Imagine living in my head. In my mind. Yeah. Just think about it. Welcome to my world).

Okay. I'm tired. It's 11:48, and I'm tired. Am I sick? Or has Staples just corrupted my body in one day to make me feel more withered then I actually am?