Where's The Goodness In The World?

The wold is not justified, nor will it ever be. The good people get smacked around and abused while the bad are encouraged and cheered on. What's good is bad and bad is now good. When did this happen? When did we as humans decide to glorify cheating, stealing, lying, and the downright wrong? I feel as though it never was this crazy, this twisted, this corrupt.

I come home, my father struggles, I go to work, my coworkers struggle, I hang out with friends, my friends struggle, I talk with my sister, she struggles. They're all good people. They all do the right things, they're honest and true and just. They believe in goodness and love and happiness. Yet are harked upon and used and beaten until they don't want to fight anymore.

Today I wanted to scream out loud. Hearing that one of my friends found out her boyfriend she's living with is cheating on her. She's said enough's enough, but I don't get it one bit. She's a nice, caring, loving person. When was it decided that this jerk would think she not worthy of his attention and devotion that he would turn to another?

What does love mean anyway? Not as it should be meant, but as it is meant. It should be that when you say you love someone, that you are in love with someone, that it was true and deep and full of meaning. But somewhere along the lines, it's become this...dead word we throw into conversations to "show" someone we care. To "voice" our "love" for that person. We say "I love you" while laughing and joking around.

Would you take a bullet for every person you've said you love? Personally, I would. But I'm stupid, I believe in right not wrong and that there is a line between them. I'm the idiot that believes to spare another is to save a life and possibly allow it to grow and flourish. I'm the moron that would take a bullet for a stranger. And I mean that to the core of my being.

I suppose I'm just another person hoping that their voice will make a difference.

I'm so fed up with this planet and it's "justification" to things.



“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

Decisions, Decisions...

I am attempting to create my own business/networking cards. See, Staples has this lovely thing called the Business Card application over in Copy Center, and while messing around over there, I've decided that I'd like my own card. Mostly, it'll have a link to this website and my phone number and name. And the background a picture I took. Here's one of them:

I'm not entirely sure if I like these or not, I've made about six different designs each with a different picture I took or manipulated in some fashion. I've thrown around the idea of doing the Gallery in the Park this year (even though I'd have to pay for it), in hopes of possibly advertising my services. At the very least, let people know that I like to take pictures and that, if they wanted, I could make prints available...it's a thought.

Feedback is welcome. Very, very welcome. I can post more of the different layouts if you're interested :D. I would like some feedback on this. One of my managers said that I could basically print off some business cards and use it as an advertising bit for what Staples can do for our customers by means of our 'custom print' avenue.

I've also been toying with the idea of business as my major...possibly trying to get into the advertising industry...I think it'd be fun?

Who knows, I'm confusing myself more often than not.

The book isn't finished. I'm at a standstill in chapter seven...

I Obviously Don't Write Enough

I used to. Something must have happened to make this 'writing' habit I had disappear. Could it be work perhaps?
It seems the most likely culprit.
I was standing at work - once again bored - and noticed how I dwell on things. I never really have considered myself a shy person, but I suppose I am. After seeing my coworkers and interacting with them over the past 11 months, I've discovered that I seem to have contracted a fear of really interacting with people. I guess it would have something to do with all of my close friends leaving when school time came around and me staying home with no one to talk to or hang out with.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Why I seem to get...nervous...around others. What's the point? It's like that's the first thing that pops into my head - why bother?
But I want to bother. I want to be okay with walking up to a coworker and saying, "Wanna go grab a bite to eat after work and hang out?" But for some reason my mind instantly rejects that notion - as if it were completely absurd.
It isn't absurd, is it? To crave interaction and knowing another human being? To want to delve past the every day monotony we've found ourselves in and find something beyond a body with a few sarcastic comments along the way?
As I stand around and watch my coworkers walk up to one another and just begin to laugh and instantly strike up a conversation with no timidness to it, I can't help but envy them. They're friends and for some reason...
It's like just about everything is right, but a few cogs are missing the slots. Like there's always something going to be missing for me, personally.
I guess I am just shy. I don't know where it came from, really. It seems to just have manifested itself recently and decided that it was time for me to worry about whether others liked me or not. For all I know, it may have something to do with a constant fear of rejection.
...
Now we're getting somewhere.


I really need to get out more.

Work Ethic

Mine is terrible. I didn't used to be this way. Once upon a time I had the ability to sit down, complete a task, and then go into school the following day with a zeal to learn and talk about what I had completed the night before. Then I became a Sophomore and decided that homework and therefore school in general was pointless.

Bad habit to fall into.

Alas, there's little to be done of my terrible GPA at this moment. The semester is over and done. The only thing to do in hopes of saving it would be to try to scrounge up a course over the summer and possibly raise the aforementioned GPA to reasonable standards. (It's not completely horrid, but it's less than I would like to think I'm capable of).

In other news, a friend of the family passed away. The strange thing is, I once again could not find it within me to cry. Granted, the funeral is tomorrow and that very well may change, but upon finding out, just as with my grandmother and other friends of the family that I've known, I did not feel the need to cry. I cried at Graduation. I cried when I had to bury my cat. But when a human being died, leaving me until I die myself, I find that my emotions remain constant.

Unless they aren't a believer of Christ and God. Then I cry. But we won't get onto that topic now. If I start tooting that horn again many of you will immediately say, "Ooh no, not again". So as to avoid more droning on of topics of which no one is really interested in, I leave you with this:

Somewhere in life roads once traveled together separate and refuse to meet again. Because somewhere along the separate roads walked, the two friends realize that they have changed. And what's been changed can never be fully returned to what it was.

It's a sad reality when you discover that everyone you saw as a friend in high school leaves and never really comes back the same way they were.

Joy, The Look Of

Joy: Noun; the emotion of great happiness.

What does that mean, exactly? Joy in and of itself is something that I think can't be explained by mere definition of another grouping of lesser words. "Happy" is so overused. What does "happy" mean? When I think happy, I think of laughter and giddiness. Joy, in my opinion, is something so much more so.

Joy is when you smile at the mere thought of something.

The other day at work my manager and I were talking about the spelling of Wednesday and whether it was Wednesday or Thursday. He then brought up his son, Sebastian, and how Sebastian always asks his dad if it's "windsday" - it's a cute little saying from a Winny the Pooh episode. Ryan, my manager, then went on to talk about how he was writing a small song based off of his son's constant question, "Daddy, is it windsday? Can we go fly a kite?"

I commented at how cute it was - beyond the fact that Ryan was writing a song based off of such a cute saying from his son - but because of how he smiled every time he thought about it.

His smile was the kind of smile that you cry at because of the joy and happiness that is conveyed within it. Joy is something that isn't as simple as 'the emotion of happiness', but an outward expression of true, deep emotion. Something beyond happiness. Saying that Joy is 'happiness' deadens the word. It makes it less magical; less meaningful. It adds a dead weight to a word that soars among others.

I never really had known what to attribute the word 'joy' to. Joy is something a parent feels when they've got a memory of their child locked away in their mind forever. Joy is something that a word can't be attributed to. Joy is pure bliss.

It's interesting how much we value words.